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ONE LIFE TO LIVE... (Johannas's POV)
March 7th, 2013
Dear Diary,
Dreaming is such a fun thing. Its calm and relaxing. You can do anything you want in your dreams. Dude, I could fly if I wanted! Anyway, in my dream I was standing in a church. My vision was kind of messed up but then I realize its not my eyes...its what was in front of them. A veil. I was wearing a veil.
And then I realized I was wearing a dress too. A big one with a very puffy skirt.
I started to feel happy, until I realized I didn't have any shoes on...or a bouquet.
I started worrying...where were my shoes?
Then something really weird happened: I heard a ripping sound. The fabric from my dress was ripping! When I looked down to see what was pulling it, it was short! Instead of being floor length, it stopped above my knees! That wasn't even the most horrifying part! Black splatter painted converse high tops appeared on my feet! That's just- just no!
"What the hell?" I asked. My voice echoed.
And then a drop of red fell right onto the front of my dress.
"Huh?" I looked in front me. Another drop of red hit my dress. And then all hell broke loose! Spaghetti hit me in the face and the sauce oozed all over my pretty white dress! It wasn't just red though, purples and greens and blues too. And when that was done, my dress was splatter painted. My big, beautiful, wedding dress!!! It was ruined!!!! All the sudden these double doors open and so I walk through them. Standing at the alter is a skeleton and someone with their back to me. On each side of him are two figures cloaked in black with depth less hoods.
I keep walking down the aisle which never seems to end. And I do mean never. I look to my left, where my family and friends should be but they aren't there. I look to the right where all of Gabriel's vampire friends are. And his friends are surrounded by the corpses of my family.
I start to cry and soon I'm at the alter. The man turns around: its Gabriel. But his face is different. Have you ever seen the vampires in Buffy the Vampire. Slayer? That's what his face looked like, it was scary.
He reaches toward my ear and pulls out a strand of spaghetti.
He puts it in his mouth and swallows, "Mmmm. Yummy!"
And he laughs.
I scream.
The image gets shattered. Like someone threw something at it. A silver hairbrush appears in my hand. I read the inscription 'One Life To Live'.
I grip the handle and throw it at the Alter of Terror. The image completely shatters and the pieces fall through a river of black.
I land on a ground of black, still in my splatter paint gown, and find a shard of that horrible dream. I peer into the glass-like shard and see something else I don't like:
I was at my graduation. Our principal introduced us, the graduating class of 2013. There was applause.
"Let us welcome Johanna Blake, Valedictorian of this class."
I was confused, I wasn't valedictorian! I wasn't nearly that smart!
But my blue gown fluttered around my jean clad legs, my low cut purple shirt showed out the top, as I walked up the stairs to the stage. The microphone makes this horrible sound as I stand next to it.
"Hello, fellow classmates. We've done it. And now," a horrible growl rises out of my throat, "Welcome to the end!" My face looks like the vampires from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. And I leap out at the crowd.
I wake up with sweat on my forehead and a scream in my throat. I swallow that scream and try to forget the horror of my nightmares.
I was all calm again when the thought of my wedding gown being ruined gets me freaked out again! And then I calmed down and was just about to fall asleep when my stupid alarm clock starts buzzing so incredibly loud! It freaked me out! I actually fell out of the bed! Stupid smallish piece of technological advancement!
Gabriel knocks on the door, "Love? Are you alright?"
I grumble a little, "I'm fine."
I get a pair of socks out of my drawer and open Gabriel's bedroom door.
He is standing right there, smiling, waiting.
He leans forward and kisses my forehead.
"I'm okay. Just a bad dream."
"I'm sorry, sweetie." He leads me down the stairs, "But you do know what today is, right?"
Before I can reply, there is a huge table of food in front of me and all our friends pop out of hiding shouting 'SURPRISE!' The nice surprise was kind of ruined though, the actual act of them popping out freaked me out...again! Jeez, I'm just a big scardy cat today.
"Are you okay? You seem on edge?" Faine asks.
I would have replied...but Alec started to pour syrup on my pancakes and it was just to tempting! I dove at the table and began shoveling it all into my mouth.
The it all hits me. The scary dreams, the increased amount of yummy food, the popping out and shouting 'surprise'....I'm graduating from college today.
I drop my fork and the 'To-Do list' starts running through my mind.
"Holy crap! I'm graduating today!" I bolt upright and start pacing around the kitchen and living room, "Oh my god! I need to get dressed! I need my gown from the cleaners! I need to make up 3 guest rooms..."
The list keeps going and I keep rambling it off. Everyone moves out of my way as I walk past them.
I hardly even notice Gabriel step in front of me and stop my zombie-like rant.
"Johanna." He looks into my eyes, "Everything is under control."
And I believe him. I do. I'm just freaking out. But I don't have to be nervous about my graduation, my dream has to be wrong since I'm not the valedictorian. And my wedding...let's just get through my graduation.
Gabriel kisses me. And that's enough of a distraction. I get lost in his taste and his grasp. The world disappears behind me. Until I realize what time it is. I open my eyes, pull away from Gabriel, and stare at the clock.
Its 10:30.....my graduation is at 1.
I get eerily calm and quiet.
"Johanna? Are you okay?" Everyone asks.
I bury my face in Gabriel's shoulder and scream.
I push Gabriel's arms away from me and calmly walk to the linen closet. I grab some sheets and pillowcases and comforters and walk up the stairs to the 3 guest rooms.
I start making one of the beds but then Faine taps me on the shoulder.
"Why don't you go get ready, hun? I'll make the beds."
I agree and thank her.
I had so much to do to get ready. I started by taking a shower and brushing my teeth and then by drying my hair. The next part I needed help with so I asked Chelsea to help me curl my hair. I would have had Gabriel do it but he was busy getting ready in the other room.
When my hair was done, I sent Chelsea away and I went into Gabriel's room where he was finishing buttoning his shirt.
"Do you like the dress I picked out?" I ask.
"Its very nice. But could you have chosen brighter shoes?" He laughs and I laugh too looking at my bright yellow pumps.
I was about to untie my robe and step into my dress when I remembered something important.
"Shit! My parents!" Gabriel was looking at me now, "Gabriel, we still have to get them!" All my stress came rushing back.
I reached for a pair of sweatpants but he stopped me.
"Johanna, you don't have time," its true. It was already 11:30, "I'll go get them."
"Really? Are you sure?" I knew he was and I was already reaching for my dress.
"Of course! I'll pick them up and we'll meet you at your graduation. First row, love." He kisses me, "I'll be there."
"I know you will be."
As he walks out of the room I remember my graduation dream. Me leaping out at the crowd to kill them all.
All I could do was wait...and hope.
So I slipped on my pretty dress. It was puffy and swirled when I twirled fast. It came just above my knees and was a dark floral pattern. I loved it. The bust was tight and flattering and it had a thick halter that wrapped around my neck.
I finished my dress by putting on my bright yellow pumps and pearl jewelry.
I walked down stairs and was told by Alec and Faine that I looked beautiful.
"You're with me, kid." Rhoan says after agreeing that I looked nice.
"Thanks for driving," I said as we got out of the car, "I was so nervous I wouldn't have been able to."
"Don't be. Your just graduating. We've all done it before."
His shaggy brown hair and lopsided smile is very reassuring.
"Thanks, Rho." I give him a hug and then point to where he should go sit.
As for me, well, I walked off into the school and towards the room where all the graduates were waiting.
But on my way there, I got stopped by the principal. He was holding the valedictorian's cap and gown in his hand.
"Did something happen to Kim?" I ask politely.
"There was an -ahem- problem with her records."
"Oh no! That's terrible!"
I casually glance at the clock behind his head. 12:45. 15 minutes to go.
What I really didn't expect was when he gave me Kim's gown.
"Uh? What?"
"Your our new valedictorian. Congratulations!" And then he walks away.
"Uh, dude, wait. No." But he wasn't stopping to listen.
I looked at the blue gown with gold trim. My nightmare was coming true.
What the hell was I supposed to do?!? I had 10 minutes to accept the fact that I'm valedictorian AND to come up with a kick ass speech! This is just horrible...
I looked at the classroom, shouts of joy and laughter were coming from there. I wanted to be there, laughing with my friends, but how could I laugh and joke with this huge burden hanging over my head!
So, defeated, I trudge towards the auditorium. It was empty since our ceremony would be held outside, and I welcomed the silence and space. There was a piano up on stage and I just couldn't resist. I climbed the stairs until I was all alone up on the big stage with the lights shining on me.
I sat on the little black bench and opened the protector off the keys. There was a thin layer of dust on the beautiful, contrasting black and white keys.
I pressed a key. The note rang out. I pressed one on the opposite end, the note followed the other one to the back of the auditorium and up to the ceiling. They were beautiful.
I kept on playing, this time adding chords instead of single notes. The dust rose off the keys that had come to life. I felt magical and in charge there, I forgot about having to write a speech...it didn't seem as important as I thought.
"Don't know much about your life
Don't know much about your world but
Don't wanna be alone tonight
On this planet they call Earth" I started playing with the piano, it was helping me write a speech.
"You don't know about my past and
I don't have a future figured out
And maybe this is goin' too fast
And maybe it's not meant to last" I loved the way my voice seemed soft and rang out from the stage.
"But what do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowin' if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say? What do you say?
I just wanna start again
And maybe you could show me how to try
Maybe you could take me in
Somewhere underneath your skin" All the sudden I realized this song wasn't about graduating, anymore, it was about me and Gabriel. I walked away from the piano and wandered down the hall, continuing to sing.
"What do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowin' if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say? What do you say?
Hey now, hey, my heart is beatin' down
But I'm always comin' back for more, yeah
There's nothin' like love to pull you up
When you're lyin' down on the floor, babe," This was definitely about Gabriel.
"So talk to me, talk to me like lovers do
Yeah, walk with me, walk with me like lovers do
Like lovers do" As I wandered past the trophy cases and photographs, I started seeing my own memories in front of me. How I was with my school friends, and then how I was with Gabriel and them. I saw all my memories of Gabriel and me together. The heart ache, the heart break, the love, the fights; it was all there.
"What do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowin' if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
I lowered my voice and slipped on the blue gown with the gold trim, "What do you say? What do you say?
Don't know much about your life
And I don't know much about your world"
"And now, our class Valedictorian, Johanna Blake." There was a round of applause and inside of me, I knew that Gabriel was the one clapping the loudest.
I took a deep breath and strolled out the door, onto the grass and up onto the stage.
I shake my principals hand.
"Thank you. All of you. I don't know some of you, but I wish I did. This school is filled with amazing, wonderful people and the only regret I have is not knowing some of you." I begin.
....This speech sucks. Time to change tactics!
"Actually...I do have another regret. I have tons of them! Because that's what school is about! Take a class just for the Hell of it! Meet a guy," I'm looking at Gabriel, "And fall in love before you even know his name."
My class mates chuckle.
"Take chances. That's what life is, one big chance! You never know what will happen which is actually the beauty of it."
I have no idea what to say! But I think my classmates like that I'm so chilled.
"For a long time now, our teachers have being saying 'its over', 'school is over'. And family and friends have said 'how does it feel to be at the end?'. Well, with respect to all, your wrong. This isn't the end. This is only the beginning, our life is starting now! We've been given a key to life and now its up to all of us what we will do with it."
My speech goes on a little more but I won't bore you, diary.
Anyway, I got a huge round of applause and a standing ovation. Those people are so cool lol I'm goona miss them.
So, we all get our diplomas and then we throw our caps into the air. Yipee! Cue pictures now! Once no one was exactly paying attention to me, Gabriel jumped on stage and kissed me. My leg popped in the back lol it was sweet! I got really embarrassed when I heard a whole bunch of applause and cheers from the audience. I looked out and they were clapping at me and Gabriel.
I blushed... A LOT! But it was sweet.
Then I saw my parents in the front row where Gabriel had been sitting...AND MY SISTER!!!
I jumped off the stage and ran to her.
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! OMG! I MISSED YOU!!!!!" I screamed.
We hugged and she told me how proud she was.
"Oh my god! You cut your hair!"
Her pretty brown hair was short! It used to be down her back like mine but now it was really short, like, it just covered her ears. Sort of like Alice's except not as much flair and style.
"Well, yeah. I grew up."
"Oh please!" I laughed.
My sister is the opposite of me! She was always the grown up one.
I pull her over to Gabriel.
"This is my sister, Darla. But we call her Dale. She's 28 also."
"Just call me Darla, please." She sticks her hand out for Gabriel to shake.
She made it so awkward!
"Nice to meet you, Darla." He says. But instead of shaking hands he hugs her.
I laugh, "I'm goona have to keep my eye on you, sister! You two are the same age and I can't have you stealing my man from me."
She blushed and stutters that she wouldn't but Gabriel and I know its a joke. We both laugh at her.
My parents come get me and hug me. They congratulate me on graduating and then they tell me how excited they are for the wedding.
Then my other family comes over. Valentina, Chelsea, Demetri, Afton, Faine, and Alec, Lottie, Bastien and Vera. Jordan and Josh were home with Sophia trying to explain about her father. How do you explain that to a child?
But happier thoughts! We took pictures with the family. And I think my mom took my favorite: Gabriel scooped me into his arms when I wasn't paying attention. I was laughing, my diploma was in my hand and one of my legs was kicked out. Gabriel, he just looked plain happy. I love him so much.
I was about to take another picture with my parents when my principal came over.
"That was a wonderful speech, Johanna."
"Thank you, sir."
"Well, I wanted to talk to you about you future."
I cast a worried glance at Gabriel and at my parents.
"Its nothing bad! In fact, it would be good for you and for the school."
"Sir?" I was so confused.
"We have a teaching position for you if you want it. In your major of art."
I was dumbfounded. I had literally just graduated! And I was already being offered a job....but was it a job I really wanted to take?
Did I really want to show up everyday and teach art classes to people who might not truly be passionate about it? Did I want to come into school dressed like its a real job? No. I wanted to wear my short shorts and tank tops. Or my sweats and tight long sleeves. Proper just wasn't my thing.
But it was Darla's! She jumped right in saying how great that is and how proud and excited I should be!
But me being me, I said, "Well, I'll have to think about it."
"Of course," says my principal, "I'll be in touch."
After he's gone, I hear it from Darla. Blah-blah- blah! Etc etc!
There is some silence between us. My parents think we are going to fight.
Calmly and maturely, I say, "Dale, I am going to do what I want and what's best for me. Just because you think I should be a teacher doesn't mean its the right move for me. What you think is right, isn't always right, Dale."
She flipped her hair out of her eyes and looked away.
I turned my back on her and went to say good bye to my classmates. We exchanged numbers and email addresses and promised to keep in touch.
"Hun, we're taking you out for dinner." Gabriel slips his arms around my waist.
"Oh really? Do I get to pick the place?" The bar and grill down the street is my fav place!!!!!!!!!
"No. Definitely not." I frowned, "We're going someplace fancy."
I frowned again. But whatever, I'll go.
"Let's go!"
My family gathers and we pile into our cars.
"Dale, meet the best man, Rhoan. Rhoan, this is my maid of honor, and sister, Darla."
"Nice to meet you, Darla." Rhoan kisses my sisters hand. And she blushes.
"We don't have room in our car so you can ride with Rhoan. Kay? Bye." I say quickly and push Darla into Rhoan.
Then I run in the opposite direction and lock Gabriel, my parents and myself in the car.
Gabriel drives away and the others follow behind.
"We're so proud of you, sweet pea." My father says while rubbing my shoulder.
"Thanks daddy."
Gabriel picks up my hand and kisses it.
Graduating didn't feel like a big deal but now it does.
We eventually get to the restaurant and start waiting for the table to be ready.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice my sister and Rhoan go to the bar. They sit down and he buys her a glass of white wine. They are so goona become a thing! I know it! His wild and laid back personality will tame her snotty and grown up 'tude.
"Your table is ready." A waiter with a skinny black mustache says.
Rhoan helps Darla off the bar stool and they wander this way. I search for Gabriel's hand but he's talking with my mother so I take the lead and follow the waiter to a table in the back.
Before I see the table I hear this deep, very familiar laugh.
'But...it can't be!' I thought to myself.
When I saw him lounging at the table, and drinking beer I knew it was him. And if I wasn't sure, then there wasn't a doubt in my mind when I saw him flirting with a waitress.
"RYDER!!!!!" I screamed and then jumped on top of him.
"Josie! Hey kid, how are ya?"
His hands closed around my back, giving me the best big brother hug ever!
"How am I?!?" I ask incredulously, "I just graduated from college!"
"Shit! Really?" He really didn't know! That jerk! But hey, that's my brother for ya lol
"Yup. Where's my present?" I joke as I settle into the chair next to him.
He takes his time answering, he even takes a minute to finish his drink.
Finally he comes up with an answer, "Its being delivered."
I laugh. Ryder would definitely say that! Its a pretty good excuse too, if you don't already know him.
"I love you, Ryder." I kiss his cheek.
Behind me, I notice a low grumble coming out of Gabriel's chest.
"Oh! Ryder, meet Valentina, Demetri, Alec, Faine, Chelsea, Afton, Vera, Lottie, Bastien, and Rhoan. And last, but not least, is my fiancé Gabriel."
Ryder takes a second to take in all the names and faces, he pushes his long brown hair out of his eyes.
"Gabriel, this is my older brother, Ryder."
"Nice to meet you," he holds his hand out politely for Ryder to shake.
Ryder takes his hand, "ya got cold hands, pal. You getting cold feet about marrying my sister already? Well, cold hands then. Ha!" My brother has an odd sense of humor, a humor that Gabriel can't understand.
"Uh? What?" Gabriel says.
"Never mind! Just take a seat." We all sit around the table.
Almost right away, Ryder leans over to me and in a loud whisper says, "Sis, are you sure you wanna marry this guy? He's way to serious and is about as alive as a dead fish! Or anything dead as a matter of fact!"
I giggle and reassure him that Gabriel and I are meant to be.
When the waitress comes over we order some drinks.
I laugh when Ryder orders another beer.
"Dude! Its a 5 star restaurant and your drinking beer?!"
Just as he replies, "You would do the same!" Gabriel orders a glass of red wine for me.
"Oh. You have changed." He says disappointed.
Changed? No. I hadn't....had I? Is my brother right? Was I no longer the girl who went against the crowd? The girl who was wild and reckless?
I accept my glass, defeated. I had changed, but I'm convinced it wasn't a bad change. I finally found Gabriel, I changed because of him but not FOR him.
But I'd also changed from who I was, who my brother and I were. I noticed something: my brother hadn't changed from who he was but I did...was Dale right then? Oh my god! Was I really growing up?!
"Ryder, we're so glad you got our message and was able to come for your sister!" My mother says nicely. She's really funny with Ryder, in our younger years she would always cry and say 'where did I go wrong?!' when he would walk into the room. Lmao! It was so funny.
"Yeah, I'm glad my parol officer gave it to me, I really missed Josie."
Gabriel almost choked on what he was drinking.
"' Parol officer'?!?" He asked, scared and still choking.
"Yeah. I went to jail." He says like its no big deal. Of course I knew this! It was old news to me, though I never knew why. All I'd known was that he would get out eventually.
"Yeah, what exactly did you do, Ryder?" I asked him.
Looking straight at Gabriel, he replies, "I killed a man...with a magazine." The way he said it! He was dead serious and seemed kinda happy about it!
"Okay, I think we should leave." Gabriel says, grabbing my hand.
"Hunny, he's joking. Come on, bro, what did you really do?"
My brother picks of a fork and plays with it, "I got caught."
And that's all we got from him. He stopped talking until well into dinner. Gabriel was able to sit down again and chill, Rhoan comforted Darla who was really upset about her brother getting arrested. And me, well, I was happy to be back with my disfunctional brother! We were like twins, except we aren't twins. We are as thick as thieves, you could say
But Ryder was always one step ahead of me. When I was just getting started, he was a pro. When I stayed out late, he stayed out later.
When I skipped a class, he skipped several.
That's my life. But no matter how behind him I was, he was still my partner in crime!
We ate, or some of us did
And when dinner was done we were all heading out to the cars to go home when I spotted a familiar site.
"You brought your bike?!"
I run over to my brothers big black harley and start it up. The engine roared and the leather seat felt familiar and comfortable under me.
"You can drive with me, Jo." Ryder says nicely.
But Gabriel grabs his arm, "Are you okay to drive?" He asks defensively.
My brother gets this really weird look on his face and growls out, "Let. Go."
Gabriel doesn't though.
"I'm fine, old man." Ryder throws Gabriel's hand off his arm and walks over to me and the bike. He sits in the front and we drive away.
Oh god, it was wonderful to feel the wind in my face and to hear that familiar purr of the engine! But instead of getting onto the dirt road that leads to the house, Ryder drives towards town. We stop right outside a tattoo shop.
"What do ya say, sis? Matching tattoos?"
I laugh as I get off the bike.
"Matching? No. But I'll get one with you."
"Schveet!"
We walk into the shop and look at all the tattoos on the wall.
"Johanna, this one on my ass."
He's pointing to a heart with barbed wire around it and the word 'Mom' in the middle.
"Excuse me, sir." He says to the artist, "Instead of 'mom' can you write 'Gabriel'? Is that possible?"
I snort out laughter and Ryder laughs with me.
"Son, are you drunk or something?" The burly artist asks.
He actually made us laugh more! We were both on the floor in tears. Ryder calms down before I do and keeps looking at the designs. He must've chosen one because he sits in the chair and says, "I'm always drunk."
I laugh again and sit in the other chair. A big biker guy comes out of the back to do my design. I told him I just wanted to add the names 'Darla' and 'Ryder' to my design on my ankle.
The machines start up at the same time and break skin together. I look over at Ryder and he's sitting backwards.
"Your really getting a tattoo on your ass?!?"
"Yup." He replies happily.
As I'm paying the artists Ryder waits outside. I thank them and tell them I might be back soon for a piercing or another tattoo.
When I walk outside, a cloud of smoke hits my face.
I wave my hands and cough it out.
"What the hell, Ryder?"
"Sorry."
"Why do those smell so awful?! When did you start smoking?! You hate cigarettes!"
He gets all moody.
"I guess I changed, Johanna. Just like you did." I don't like when he doesn't talk to me, " Get on the bike." He grumbles.
The bike roars to life and we travel the dirt path to the main house.
Just like Ryder thought, Gabriel was standing outside waiting.
"We got worried about you." He says more to me than my brother.
Then he notices the bandage on my foot/ankle.
"Jeez. What now?"
"I added to my tattoo!" I say cheerfully, "wanna see?" I pull back the bandage and show him the red spots that say 'Darla' and 'Ryder'.
"Of course you would get that name." He says barely loud enough for me to hear.
I was going to argue with him but Ryder buts in, "Wanna see mine, Gabriel? You inspired it, ya know."
"I think you should go inside and go to bed. Both of you."
He storms inside.
"Is that a 'no' then?" My brother calls after him.
I take his arm and show him around and finally he ends up in one of the rooms Faine had made up for me.
I'm exhausted! Seeing my family is great again and I'm having so much fun! But trying to keep Gabriel and Ryder from killing each other is going to be a problem.
11 days until the wedding!
-Johanna
March 7th, 2013
Dear Diary,
Dreaming is such a fun thing. Its calm and relaxing. You can do anything you want in your dreams. Dude, I could fly if I wanted! Anyway, in my dream I was standing in a church. My vision was kind of messed up but then I realize its not my eyes...its what was in front of them. A veil. I was wearing a veil.
And then I realized I was wearing a dress too. A big one with a very puffy skirt.
I started to feel happy, until I realized I didn't have any shoes on...or a bouquet.
I started worrying...where were my shoes?
Then something really weird happened: I heard a ripping sound. The fabric from my dress was ripping! When I looked down to see what was pulling it, it was short! Instead of being floor length, it stopped above my knees! That wasn't even the most horrifying part! Black splatter painted converse high tops appeared on my feet! That's just- just no!
"What the hell?" I asked. My voice echoed.
And then a drop of red fell right onto the front of my dress.
"Huh?" I looked in front me. Another drop of red hit my dress. And then all hell broke loose! Spaghetti hit me in the face and the sauce oozed all over my pretty white dress! It wasn't just red though, purples and greens and blues too. And when that was done, my dress was splatter painted. My big, beautiful, wedding dress!!! It was ruined!!!! All the sudden these double doors open and so I walk through them. Standing at the alter is a skeleton and someone with their back to me. On each side of him are two figures cloaked in black with depth less hoods.
I keep walking down the aisle which never seems to end. And I do mean never. I look to my left, where my family and friends should be but they aren't there. I look to the right where all of Gabriel's vampire friends are. And his friends are surrounded by the corpses of my family.
I start to cry and soon I'm at the alter. The man turns around: its Gabriel. But his face is different. Have you ever seen the vampires in Buffy the Vampire. Slayer? That's what his face looked like, it was scary.
He reaches toward my ear and pulls out a strand of spaghetti.
He puts it in his mouth and swallows, "Mmmm. Yummy!"
And he laughs.
I scream.
The image gets shattered. Like someone threw something at it. A silver hairbrush appears in my hand. I read the inscription 'One Life To Live'.
I grip the handle and throw it at the Alter of Terror. The image completely shatters and the pieces fall through a river of black.
I land on a ground of black, still in my splatter paint gown, and find a shard of that horrible dream. I peer into the glass-like shard and see something else I don't like:
I was at my graduation. Our principal introduced us, the graduating class of 2013. There was applause.
"Let us welcome Johanna Blake, Valedictorian of this class."
I was confused, I wasn't valedictorian! I wasn't nearly that smart!
But my blue gown fluttered around my jean clad legs, my low cut purple shirt showed out the top, as I walked up the stairs to the stage. The microphone makes this horrible sound as I stand next to it.
"Hello, fellow classmates. We've done it. And now," a horrible growl rises out of my throat, "Welcome to the end!" My face looks like the vampires from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. And I leap out at the crowd.
I wake up with sweat on my forehead and a scream in my throat. I swallow that scream and try to forget the horror of my nightmares.
I was all calm again when the thought of my wedding gown being ruined gets me freaked out again! And then I calmed down and was just about to fall asleep when my stupid alarm clock starts buzzing so incredibly loud! It freaked me out! I actually fell out of the bed! Stupid smallish piece of technological advancement!
Gabriel knocks on the door, "Love? Are you alright?"
I grumble a little, "I'm fine."
I get a pair of socks out of my drawer and open Gabriel's bedroom door.
He is standing right there, smiling, waiting.
He leans forward and kisses my forehead.
"I'm okay. Just a bad dream."
"I'm sorry, sweetie." He leads me down the stairs, "But you do know what today is, right?"
Before I can reply, there is a huge table of food in front of me and all our friends pop out of hiding shouting 'SURPRISE!' The nice surprise was kind of ruined though, the actual act of them popping out freaked me out...again! Jeez, I'm just a big scardy cat today.
"Are you okay? You seem on edge?" Faine asks.
I would have replied...but Alec started to pour syrup on my pancakes and it was just to tempting! I dove at the table and began shoveling it all into my mouth.
The it all hits me. The scary dreams, the increased amount of yummy food, the popping out and shouting 'surprise'....I'm graduating from college today.
I drop my fork and the 'To-Do list' starts running through my mind.
"Holy crap! I'm graduating today!" I bolt upright and start pacing around the kitchen and living room, "Oh my god! I need to get dressed! I need my gown from the cleaners! I need to make up 3 guest rooms..."
The list keeps going and I keep rambling it off. Everyone moves out of my way as I walk past them.
I hardly even notice Gabriel step in front of me and stop my zombie-like rant.
"Johanna." He looks into my eyes, "Everything is under control."
And I believe him. I do. I'm just freaking out. But I don't have to be nervous about my graduation, my dream has to be wrong since I'm not the valedictorian. And my wedding...let's just get through my graduation.
Gabriel kisses me. And that's enough of a distraction. I get lost in his taste and his grasp. The world disappears behind me. Until I realize what time it is. I open my eyes, pull away from Gabriel, and stare at the clock.
Its 10:30.....my graduation is at 1.
I get eerily calm and quiet.
"Johanna? Are you okay?" Everyone asks.
I bury my face in Gabriel's shoulder and scream.
I push Gabriel's arms away from me and calmly walk to the linen closet. I grab some sheets and pillowcases and comforters and walk up the stairs to the 3 guest rooms.
I start making one of the beds but then Faine taps me on the shoulder.
"Why don't you go get ready, hun? I'll make the beds."
I agree and thank her.
I had so much to do to get ready. I started by taking a shower and brushing my teeth and then by drying my hair. The next part I needed help with so I asked Chelsea to help me curl my hair. I would have had Gabriel do it but he was busy getting ready in the other room.
When my hair was done, I sent Chelsea away and I went into Gabriel's room where he was finishing buttoning his shirt.
"Do you like the dress I picked out?" I ask.
"Its very nice. But could you have chosen brighter shoes?" He laughs and I laugh too looking at my bright yellow pumps.
I was about to untie my robe and step into my dress when I remembered something important.
"Shit! My parents!" Gabriel was looking at me now, "Gabriel, we still have to get them!" All my stress came rushing back.
I reached for a pair of sweatpants but he stopped me.
"Johanna, you don't have time," its true. It was already 11:30, "I'll go get them."
"Really? Are you sure?" I knew he was and I was already reaching for my dress.
"Of course! I'll pick them up and we'll meet you at your graduation. First row, love." He kisses me, "I'll be there."
"I know you will be."
As he walks out of the room I remember my graduation dream. Me leaping out at the crowd to kill them all.
All I could do was wait...and hope.
So I slipped on my pretty dress. It was puffy and swirled when I twirled fast. It came just above my knees and was a dark floral pattern. I loved it. The bust was tight and flattering and it had a thick halter that wrapped around my neck.
I finished my dress by putting on my bright yellow pumps and pearl jewelry.
I walked down stairs and was told by Alec and Faine that I looked beautiful.
"You're with me, kid." Rhoan says after agreeing that I looked nice.
"Thanks for driving," I said as we got out of the car, "I was so nervous I wouldn't have been able to."
"Don't be. Your just graduating. We've all done it before."
His shaggy brown hair and lopsided smile is very reassuring.
"Thanks, Rho." I give him a hug and then point to where he should go sit.
As for me, well, I walked off into the school and towards the room where all the graduates were waiting.
But on my way there, I got stopped by the principal. He was holding the valedictorian's cap and gown in his hand.
"Did something happen to Kim?" I ask politely.
"There was an -ahem- problem with her records."
"Oh no! That's terrible!"
I casually glance at the clock behind his head. 12:45. 15 minutes to go.
What I really didn't expect was when he gave me Kim's gown.
"Uh? What?"
"Your our new valedictorian. Congratulations!" And then he walks away.
"Uh, dude, wait. No." But he wasn't stopping to listen.
I looked at the blue gown with gold trim. My nightmare was coming true.
What the hell was I supposed to do?!? I had 10 minutes to accept the fact that I'm valedictorian AND to come up with a kick ass speech! This is just horrible...
I looked at the classroom, shouts of joy and laughter were coming from there. I wanted to be there, laughing with my friends, but how could I laugh and joke with this huge burden hanging over my head!
So, defeated, I trudge towards the auditorium. It was empty since our ceremony would be held outside, and I welcomed the silence and space. There was a piano up on stage and I just couldn't resist. I climbed the stairs until I was all alone up on the big stage with the lights shining on me.
I sat on the little black bench and opened the protector off the keys. There was a thin layer of dust on the beautiful, contrasting black and white keys.
I pressed a key. The note rang out. I pressed one on the opposite end, the note followed the other one to the back of the auditorium and up to the ceiling. They were beautiful.
I kept on playing, this time adding chords instead of single notes. The dust rose off the keys that had come to life. I felt magical and in charge there, I forgot about having to write a speech...it didn't seem as important as I thought.
"Don't know much about your life
Don't know much about your world but
Don't wanna be alone tonight
On this planet they call Earth" I started playing with the piano, it was helping me write a speech.
"You don't know about my past and
I don't have a future figured out
And maybe this is goin' too fast
And maybe it's not meant to last" I loved the way my voice seemed soft and rang out from the stage.
"But what do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowin' if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say? What do you say?
I just wanna start again
And maybe you could show me how to try
Maybe you could take me in
Somewhere underneath your skin" All the sudden I realized this song wasn't about graduating, anymore, it was about me and Gabriel. I walked away from the piano and wandered down the hall, continuing to sing.
"What do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowin' if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
What do you say? What do you say?
Hey now, hey, my heart is beatin' down
But I'm always comin' back for more, yeah
There's nothin' like love to pull you up
When you're lyin' down on the floor, babe," This was definitely about Gabriel.
"So talk to me, talk to me like lovers do
Yeah, walk with me, walk with me like lovers do
Like lovers do" As I wandered past the trophy cases and photographs, I started seeing my own memories in front of me. How I was with my school friends, and then how I was with Gabriel and them. I saw all my memories of Gabriel and me together. The heart ache, the heart break, the love, the fights; it was all there.
"What do you say to takin' chances?
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowin' if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold or hell to pay
I lowered my voice and slipped on the blue gown with the gold trim, "What do you say? What do you say?
Don't know much about your life
And I don't know much about your world"
"And now, our class Valedictorian, Johanna Blake." There was a round of applause and inside of me, I knew that Gabriel was the one clapping the loudest.
I took a deep breath and strolled out the door, onto the grass and up onto the stage.
I shake my principals hand.
"Thank you. All of you. I don't know some of you, but I wish I did. This school is filled with amazing, wonderful people and the only regret I have is not knowing some of you." I begin.
....This speech sucks. Time to change tactics!
"Actually...I do have another regret. I have tons of them! Because that's what school is about! Take a class just for the Hell of it! Meet a guy," I'm looking at Gabriel, "And fall in love before you even know his name."
My class mates chuckle.
"Take chances. That's what life is, one big chance! You never know what will happen which is actually the beauty of it."
I have no idea what to say! But I think my classmates like that I'm so chilled.
"For a long time now, our teachers have being saying 'its over', 'school is over'. And family and friends have said 'how does it feel to be at the end?'. Well, with respect to all, your wrong. This isn't the end. This is only the beginning, our life is starting now! We've been given a key to life and now its up to all of us what we will do with it."
My speech goes on a little more but I won't bore you, diary.
Anyway, I got a huge round of applause and a standing ovation. Those people are so cool lol I'm goona miss them.
So, we all get our diplomas and then we throw our caps into the air. Yipee! Cue pictures now! Once no one was exactly paying attention to me, Gabriel jumped on stage and kissed me. My leg popped in the back lol it was sweet! I got really embarrassed when I heard a whole bunch of applause and cheers from the audience. I looked out and they were clapping at me and Gabriel.
I blushed... A LOT! But it was sweet.
Then I saw my parents in the front row where Gabriel had been sitting...AND MY SISTER!!!
I jumped off the stage and ran to her.
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! OMG! I MISSED YOU!!!!!" I screamed.
We hugged and she told me how proud she was.
"Oh my god! You cut your hair!"
Her pretty brown hair was short! It used to be down her back like mine but now it was really short, like, it just covered her ears. Sort of like Alice's except not as much flair and style.
"Well, yeah. I grew up."
"Oh please!" I laughed.
My sister is the opposite of me! She was always the grown up one.
I pull her over to Gabriel.
"This is my sister, Darla. But we call her Dale. She's 28 also."
"Just call me Darla, please." She sticks her hand out for Gabriel to shake.
She made it so awkward!
"Nice to meet you, Darla." He says. But instead of shaking hands he hugs her.
I laugh, "I'm goona have to keep my eye on you, sister! You two are the same age and I can't have you stealing my man from me."
She blushed and stutters that she wouldn't but Gabriel and I know its a joke. We both laugh at her.
My parents come get me and hug me. They congratulate me on graduating and then they tell me how excited they are for the wedding.
Then my other family comes over. Valentina, Chelsea, Demetri, Afton, Faine, and Alec, Lottie, Bastien and Vera. Jordan and Josh were home with Sophia trying to explain about her father. How do you explain that to a child?
But happier thoughts! We took pictures with the family. And I think my mom took my favorite: Gabriel scooped me into his arms when I wasn't paying attention. I was laughing, my diploma was in my hand and one of my legs was kicked out. Gabriel, he just looked plain happy. I love him so much.
I was about to take another picture with my parents when my principal came over.
"That was a wonderful speech, Johanna."
"Thank you, sir."
"Well, I wanted to talk to you about you future."
I cast a worried glance at Gabriel and at my parents.
"Its nothing bad! In fact, it would be good for you and for the school."
"Sir?" I was so confused.
"We have a teaching position for you if you want it. In your major of art."
I was dumbfounded. I had literally just graduated! And I was already being offered a job....but was it a job I really wanted to take?
Did I really want to show up everyday and teach art classes to people who might not truly be passionate about it? Did I want to come into school dressed like its a real job? No. I wanted to wear my short shorts and tank tops. Or my sweats and tight long sleeves. Proper just wasn't my thing.
But it was Darla's! She jumped right in saying how great that is and how proud and excited I should be!
But me being me, I said, "Well, I'll have to think about it."
"Of course," says my principal, "I'll be in touch."
After he's gone, I hear it from Darla. Blah-blah- blah! Etc etc!
There is some silence between us. My parents think we are going to fight.
Calmly and maturely, I say, "Dale, I am going to do what I want and what's best for me. Just because you think I should be a teacher doesn't mean its the right move for me. What you think is right, isn't always right, Dale."
She flipped her hair out of her eyes and looked away.
I turned my back on her and went to say good bye to my classmates. We exchanged numbers and email addresses and promised to keep in touch.
"Hun, we're taking you out for dinner." Gabriel slips his arms around my waist.
"Oh really? Do I get to pick the place?" The bar and grill down the street is my fav place!!!!!!!!!
"No. Definitely not." I frowned, "We're going someplace fancy."
I frowned again. But whatever, I'll go.
"Let's go!"
My family gathers and we pile into our cars.
"Dale, meet the best man, Rhoan. Rhoan, this is my maid of honor, and sister, Darla."
"Nice to meet you, Darla." Rhoan kisses my sisters hand. And she blushes.
"We don't have room in our car so you can ride with Rhoan. Kay? Bye." I say quickly and push Darla into Rhoan.
Then I run in the opposite direction and lock Gabriel, my parents and myself in the car.
Gabriel drives away and the others follow behind.
"We're so proud of you, sweet pea." My father says while rubbing my shoulder.
"Thanks daddy."
Gabriel picks up my hand and kisses it.
Graduating didn't feel like a big deal but now it does.
We eventually get to the restaurant and start waiting for the table to be ready.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice my sister and Rhoan go to the bar. They sit down and he buys her a glass of white wine. They are so goona become a thing! I know it! His wild and laid back personality will tame her snotty and grown up 'tude.
"Your table is ready." A waiter with a skinny black mustache says.
Rhoan helps Darla off the bar stool and they wander this way. I search for Gabriel's hand but he's talking with my mother so I take the lead and follow the waiter to a table in the back.
Before I see the table I hear this deep, very familiar laugh.
'But...it can't be!' I thought to myself.
When I saw him lounging at the table, and drinking beer I knew it was him. And if I wasn't sure, then there wasn't a doubt in my mind when I saw him flirting with a waitress.
"RYDER!!!!!" I screamed and then jumped on top of him.
"Josie! Hey kid, how are ya?"
His hands closed around my back, giving me the best big brother hug ever!
"How am I?!?" I ask incredulously, "I just graduated from college!"
"Shit! Really?" He really didn't know! That jerk! But hey, that's my brother for ya lol
"Yup. Where's my present?" I joke as I settle into the chair next to him.
He takes his time answering, he even takes a minute to finish his drink.
Finally he comes up with an answer, "Its being delivered."
I laugh. Ryder would definitely say that! Its a pretty good excuse too, if you don't already know him.
"I love you, Ryder." I kiss his cheek.
Behind me, I notice a low grumble coming out of Gabriel's chest.
"Oh! Ryder, meet Valentina, Demetri, Alec, Faine, Chelsea, Afton, Vera, Lottie, Bastien, and Rhoan. And last, but not least, is my fiancé Gabriel."
Ryder takes a second to take in all the names and faces, he pushes his long brown hair out of his eyes.
"Gabriel, this is my older brother, Ryder."
"Nice to meet you," he holds his hand out politely for Ryder to shake.
Ryder takes his hand, "ya got cold hands, pal. You getting cold feet about marrying my sister already? Well, cold hands then. Ha!" My brother has an odd sense of humor, a humor that Gabriel can't understand.
"Uh? What?" Gabriel says.
"Never mind! Just take a seat." We all sit around the table.
Almost right away, Ryder leans over to me and in a loud whisper says, "Sis, are you sure you wanna marry this guy? He's way to serious and is about as alive as a dead fish! Or anything dead as a matter of fact!"
I giggle and reassure him that Gabriel and I are meant to be.
When the waitress comes over we order some drinks.
I laugh when Ryder orders another beer.
"Dude! Its a 5 star restaurant and your drinking beer?!"
Just as he replies, "You would do the same!" Gabriel orders a glass of red wine for me.
"Oh. You have changed." He says disappointed.
Changed? No. I hadn't....had I? Is my brother right? Was I no longer the girl who went against the crowd? The girl who was wild and reckless?
I accept my glass, defeated. I had changed, but I'm convinced it wasn't a bad change. I finally found Gabriel, I changed because of him but not FOR him.
But I'd also changed from who I was, who my brother and I were. I noticed something: my brother hadn't changed from who he was but I did...was Dale right then? Oh my god! Was I really growing up?!
"Ryder, we're so glad you got our message and was able to come for your sister!" My mother says nicely. She's really funny with Ryder, in our younger years she would always cry and say 'where did I go wrong?!' when he would walk into the room. Lmao! It was so funny.
"Yeah, I'm glad my parol officer gave it to me, I really missed Josie."
Gabriel almost choked on what he was drinking.
"' Parol officer'?!?" He asked, scared and still choking.
"Yeah. I went to jail." He says like its no big deal. Of course I knew this! It was old news to me, though I never knew why. All I'd known was that he would get out eventually.
"Yeah, what exactly did you do, Ryder?" I asked him.
Looking straight at Gabriel, he replies, "I killed a man...with a magazine." The way he said it! He was dead serious and seemed kinda happy about it!
"Okay, I think we should leave." Gabriel says, grabbing my hand.
"Hunny, he's joking. Come on, bro, what did you really do?"
My brother picks of a fork and plays with it, "I got caught."
And that's all we got from him. He stopped talking until well into dinner. Gabriel was able to sit down again and chill, Rhoan comforted Darla who was really upset about her brother getting arrested. And me, well, I was happy to be back with my disfunctional brother! We were like twins, except we aren't twins. We are as thick as thieves, you could say
But Ryder was always one step ahead of me. When I was just getting started, he was a pro. When I stayed out late, he stayed out later.
When I skipped a class, he skipped several.
That's my life. But no matter how behind him I was, he was still my partner in crime!
We ate, or some of us did
And when dinner was done we were all heading out to the cars to go home when I spotted a familiar site.
"You brought your bike?!"
I run over to my brothers big black harley and start it up. The engine roared and the leather seat felt familiar and comfortable under me.
"You can drive with me, Jo." Ryder says nicely.
But Gabriel grabs his arm, "Are you okay to drive?" He asks defensively.
My brother gets this really weird look on his face and growls out, "Let. Go."
Gabriel doesn't though.
"I'm fine, old man." Ryder throws Gabriel's hand off his arm and walks over to me and the bike. He sits in the front and we drive away.
Oh god, it was wonderful to feel the wind in my face and to hear that familiar purr of the engine! But instead of getting onto the dirt road that leads to the house, Ryder drives towards town. We stop right outside a tattoo shop.
"What do ya say, sis? Matching tattoos?"
I laugh as I get off the bike.
"Matching? No. But I'll get one with you."
"Schveet!"
We walk into the shop and look at all the tattoos on the wall.
"Johanna, this one on my ass."
He's pointing to a heart with barbed wire around it and the word 'Mom' in the middle.
"Excuse me, sir." He says to the artist, "Instead of 'mom' can you write 'Gabriel'? Is that possible?"
I snort out laughter and Ryder laughs with me.
"Son, are you drunk or something?" The burly artist asks.
He actually made us laugh more! We were both on the floor in tears. Ryder calms down before I do and keeps looking at the designs. He must've chosen one because he sits in the chair and says, "I'm always drunk."
I laugh again and sit in the other chair. A big biker guy comes out of the back to do my design. I told him I just wanted to add the names 'Darla' and 'Ryder' to my design on my ankle.
The machines start up at the same time and break skin together. I look over at Ryder and he's sitting backwards.
"Your really getting a tattoo on your ass?!?"
"Yup." He replies happily.
As I'm paying the artists Ryder waits outside. I thank them and tell them I might be back soon for a piercing or another tattoo.
When I walk outside, a cloud of smoke hits my face.
I wave my hands and cough it out.
"What the hell, Ryder?"
"Sorry."
"Why do those smell so awful?! When did you start smoking?! You hate cigarettes!"
He gets all moody.
"I guess I changed, Johanna. Just like you did." I don't like when he doesn't talk to me, " Get on the bike." He grumbles.
The bike roars to life and we travel the dirt path to the main house.
Just like Ryder thought, Gabriel was standing outside waiting.
"We got worried about you." He says more to me than my brother.
Then he notices the bandage on my foot/ankle.
"Jeez. What now?"
"I added to my tattoo!" I say cheerfully, "wanna see?" I pull back the bandage and show him the red spots that say 'Darla' and 'Ryder'.
"Of course you would get that name." He says barely loud enough for me to hear.
I was going to argue with him but Ryder buts in, "Wanna see mine, Gabriel? You inspired it, ya know."
"I think you should go inside and go to bed. Both of you."
He storms inside.
"Is that a 'no' then?" My brother calls after him.
I take his arm and show him around and finally he ends up in one of the rooms Faine had made up for me.
I'm exhausted! Seeing my family is great again and I'm having so much fun! But trying to keep Gabriel and Ryder from killing each other is going to be a problem.
11 days until the wedding!
-Johanna