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March 17th, 2011
I can't take any more of this. Catia keeps coming back to me and my heart breaks more and more each time.
I am back in my room in Kerry but I see her still. She knocks on the door or peeps out from under the bed, "'Папа! Игра со мной! ’” (Daddy! Play with me!)
But they all end the same way: she hugs me and dies in my arms. She trips and I catch her, she dies in my arms. She asks me to braid her hair, I finish and she is dead.
I tell myself not to believe that she is back, but I want her to be so bad that it's like seeing her for the first time! Its a miracle! Then its gone again.
Then I hear the same maniacal laughter after Catia's re-death, its Her laugh. She plucks my dead child from my arms and dances her around the room with her purple eyes and sparkly hair pulling me in. Her purple eyes look deep into my soul and bring up dark memories and feelings of anger. I thought I killed Her, didn't I? I can't be sure of anything anymore, it all seems like a distant memory. After my trip to the past, I'm wondering if I changed anything? Is She still alive by some mistake of mine?
She let's go of my daughter and I leap from the floor to grab her precious body before it hits the floor. But Catia has vanished and instead I find myself standing in front of Her stroking my arms. I let out a roar and bite into her shoulder. The first drop is warm and powerful! But then it gets cold and disgusting. I pull away and see a trail of blue coming from her now closed wound.
"' Why don't you go downstairs and see what kind of havoc you have reaped, my little monster?'" The door creaks open and I brush past Her. She laughs as I walk down the stairs in a daze. I find the main room in disarray. Chairs and tables are overturned, dishes are shattered, and Katy is sobbing on the floor. Valentina rushes over to her and picks her up, hugging her and pretending everything will be alright. In the distance I see a mass of red hair running away: Faine. I look to the corner and there is that boy holding the dark haired girl. She looks up at me with interest while the boy smoothes her hair.
"'Impossible.'" I say. No one except the dark haired girl looks at me.
"' Oh no, my lover, it very possible.'" Says Her while peeping over my shoulder.
"'I couldn't have done this. I couldn't have killed Alec, Felix, Demetri and the others! I couldn't have!'" I'm all worked up. I'm searching through my mind for what happened.
"' Oh, but you did.'" I hear Her voice even though her body has disappeared.
I run up to my room to hide from the awful sight but am greeted by yet another.
Kali is perched on top of the bed and admiring the wall.
"'We had a good time then, didn't we?'" My portrait is on the wall. That smirk on my face, the twinkle in my red eyes, the blood splattered everywhere.
"'Did I tell you I used real blood for the red?'" She says gladly.
And then her portrait captivates me. Thorns in her hair, her mouth open in a scream and a single black tear rolling down her cheek.
"'You killed them, Gabriel. It's all your fault they are dead!'" She starts chanting over and over again. I back into the wall and a tear of blood rolls down my cheek.
"'No! I'm not like you! I don't kill people that way!'"
She stops, "'we're more alike then you think.'" There is a tear of blood rolling down her portraits cheek just like mine. Each inch that it moves is like hearing a gun shot ringing on my ears. It falls to the ground in slow motion and lands with a bang
"'No.'"
"'Oh yes.'" She takes a breath and blows it out, like blowing out a candle. The room is plunged into total darkness and I feel like I'm falling. Falling deeper than any circle of Hell. Deeper than earth's core. Spinning faster and faster like I'm on a roller coaster that I can't get off. Like a spinning coin, there are 2 sides but it moves too fast to see them. You know that one is heads and one is tails. But which is which? Was that flash of light tails? I fall to the floor and wish for this all to be over, I wish for this to just be a nightmare that I'll wake up from any second now.
Her face appears over me, "'you better get used to nightmares,'" a suspenseful pause, "'because you're in one.'" She snaps.
I spend the next few days ignoring the evil sounds coming from the darkness. The evil tap-tap of fingers on the glass, the snarls of wolves biting at my heels, the cackling of evil in the darkness, the slithering of snakes winding their bodies up mine and the screech of cats protesting to a persons visit.
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This week has turned into one never ending night. I haven't left to apologize to the girls about my having killed their husbands, I feel like I can't, I can't bear to break their hearts like that again. Slowly, painfully, I turn my head towards the window, a window of light peeps out from the frame. I crawl over to it and reach to open up the blinds. The sunlight has me on the floor flinching into the shadows, it was much brighter and stronger than I remember. I reach my hand up and snap the shade shut so I can breathe a sigh of relief. I sit in the middle of the room with my legs crossed and my eyes wide open. Is this how I'm going to spend the rest of my days? Hiding in the dark in this room?
Someone throws the door in and I see Jordan's outline. I don't move at the sound. Jordan charges over to me and starts demanding to know what happened.
Oh my god! Jordan didn't seem like she could get this angry a couple months ago. What if I changed her and made her an angry person because of my time travel?!
She slaps me across the face but I don't feel it. Then she sighs angrily and leaves the room muttering about calling me useless.
Useless? I am useless, I killed her family after all. I don't want to be useless. But I'm, I'm lost.
I hear a knock on the door-its the dark haired girl.
She cautiously enters the room and kneels in front of my burning red eyes.
"'Gabriel? My name is Lottie. I live here now too. The boy you saw me with is Bastien.'" She pauses.
I examine her further. She can't be more than 16 year old, I look into her black eyes and I see pain. Pain for her and for humans. At least some vampires are sane around here.
I feel like I'm going to smile, she's pretty but dark looking at the same time, then I see Her standing behind Lottie. I let out a growl and take a protective stance in fron of her.
"' Go away! I won't let you kill her like you killed the others!'" I yell at her.
But Lottie moves to stand in front of me, her eyes follow my gaze.
"'Gabriel, no one is there.'"
The sudden shock of Lottie's words hits me. 'No one is there.' I reach my hand out to Kali but it passes through her and her body dissolves into a mist.
I lean against the wall and let my body slide down it. Lottie keeps trying to catch my gaze but I'm staring somewhere far off.
I start mumbling something in russian, even I don't understand what I'm saying at first.
"'Slow down, tell me again in english.'"
I like Lottie, she's cool. She's calm and sweet but determined and urgent too.
I stick my hand into the sliver of sunlight, "'All that is myth will become reality.'" I repeat Johanna's words. I hold up my burnt hand to show her.
Lottie grasps it and holds it, "'Gabriel, nothing is wrong with your hand.'"
I look at it. She's wrong! Its black and burnt!
I think of her words and play them in my mind a few times while repeating my russian gibberish.
"'They told me about a great fighter and a skillfull shape shifter that helped defeat the Volturri. Where is he? Where is that Gabriel?'" I don't answer her so she starts to walk out the door.
I mumble something but she doesn't hear me.
"'I'm lost.'" I say louder.
"'What?'" She says turning around.
"'I'm lost.'" I say while flinching from Her grasp.
-Gabriel
March 17th, 2011
I can't take any more of this. Catia keeps coming back to me and my heart breaks more and more each time.
I am back in my room in Kerry but I see her still. She knocks on the door or peeps out from under the bed, "'Папа! Игра со мной! ’” (Daddy! Play with me!)
But they all end the same way: she hugs me and dies in my arms. She trips and I catch her, she dies in my arms. She asks me to braid her hair, I finish and she is dead.
I tell myself not to believe that she is back, but I want her to be so bad that it's like seeing her for the first time! Its a miracle! Then its gone again.
Then I hear the same maniacal laughter after Catia's re-death, its Her laugh. She plucks my dead child from my arms and dances her around the room with her purple eyes and sparkly hair pulling me in. Her purple eyes look deep into my soul and bring up dark memories and feelings of anger. I thought I killed Her, didn't I? I can't be sure of anything anymore, it all seems like a distant memory. After my trip to the past, I'm wondering if I changed anything? Is She still alive by some mistake of mine?
She let's go of my daughter and I leap from the floor to grab her precious body before it hits the floor. But Catia has vanished and instead I find myself standing in front of Her stroking my arms. I let out a roar and bite into her shoulder. The first drop is warm and powerful! But then it gets cold and disgusting. I pull away and see a trail of blue coming from her now closed wound.
"' Why don't you go downstairs and see what kind of havoc you have reaped, my little monster?'" The door creaks open and I brush past Her. She laughs as I walk down the stairs in a daze. I find the main room in disarray. Chairs and tables are overturned, dishes are shattered, and Katy is sobbing on the floor. Valentina rushes over to her and picks her up, hugging her and pretending everything will be alright. In the distance I see a mass of red hair running away: Faine. I look to the corner and there is that boy holding the dark haired girl. She looks up at me with interest while the boy smoothes her hair.
"'Impossible.'" I say. No one except the dark haired girl looks at me.
"' Oh no, my lover, it very possible.'" Says Her while peeping over my shoulder.
"'I couldn't have done this. I couldn't have killed Alec, Felix, Demetri and the others! I couldn't have!'" I'm all worked up. I'm searching through my mind for what happened.
"' Oh, but you did.'" I hear Her voice even though her body has disappeared.
I run up to my room to hide from the awful sight but am greeted by yet another.
Kali is perched on top of the bed and admiring the wall.
"'We had a good time then, didn't we?'" My portrait is on the wall. That smirk on my face, the twinkle in my red eyes, the blood splattered everywhere.
"'Did I tell you I used real blood for the red?'" She says gladly.
And then her portrait captivates me. Thorns in her hair, her mouth open in a scream and a single black tear rolling down her cheek.
"'You killed them, Gabriel. It's all your fault they are dead!'" She starts chanting over and over again. I back into the wall and a tear of blood rolls down my cheek.
"'No! I'm not like you! I don't kill people that way!'"
She stops, "'we're more alike then you think.'" There is a tear of blood rolling down her portraits cheek just like mine. Each inch that it moves is like hearing a gun shot ringing on my ears. It falls to the ground in slow motion and lands with a bang
"'No.'"
"'Oh yes.'" She takes a breath and blows it out, like blowing out a candle. The room is plunged into total darkness and I feel like I'm falling. Falling deeper than any circle of Hell. Deeper than earth's core. Spinning faster and faster like I'm on a roller coaster that I can't get off. Like a spinning coin, there are 2 sides but it moves too fast to see them. You know that one is heads and one is tails. But which is which? Was that flash of light tails? I fall to the floor and wish for this all to be over, I wish for this to just be a nightmare that I'll wake up from any second now.
Her face appears over me, "'you better get used to nightmares,'" a suspenseful pause, "'because you're in one.'" She snaps.
I spend the next few days ignoring the evil sounds coming from the darkness. The evil tap-tap of fingers on the glass, the snarls of wolves biting at my heels, the cackling of evil in the darkness, the slithering of snakes winding their bodies up mine and the screech of cats protesting to a persons visit.
--------------------------------------------------
This week has turned into one never ending night. I haven't left to apologize to the girls about my having killed their husbands, I feel like I can't, I can't bear to break their hearts like that again. Slowly, painfully, I turn my head towards the window, a window of light peeps out from the frame. I crawl over to it and reach to open up the blinds. The sunlight has me on the floor flinching into the shadows, it was much brighter and stronger than I remember. I reach my hand up and snap the shade shut so I can breathe a sigh of relief. I sit in the middle of the room with my legs crossed and my eyes wide open. Is this how I'm going to spend the rest of my days? Hiding in the dark in this room?
Someone throws the door in and I see Jordan's outline. I don't move at the sound. Jordan charges over to me and starts demanding to know what happened.
Oh my god! Jordan didn't seem like she could get this angry a couple months ago. What if I changed her and made her an angry person because of my time travel?!
She slaps me across the face but I don't feel it. Then she sighs angrily and leaves the room muttering about calling me useless.
Useless? I am useless, I killed her family after all. I don't want to be useless. But I'm, I'm lost.
I hear a knock on the door-its the dark haired girl.
She cautiously enters the room and kneels in front of my burning red eyes.
"'Gabriel? My name is Lottie. I live here now too. The boy you saw me with is Bastien.'" She pauses.
I examine her further. She can't be more than 16 year old, I look into her black eyes and I see pain. Pain for her and for humans. At least some vampires are sane around here.
I feel like I'm going to smile, she's pretty but dark looking at the same time, then I see Her standing behind Lottie. I let out a growl and take a protective stance in fron of her.
"' Go away! I won't let you kill her like you killed the others!'" I yell at her.
But Lottie moves to stand in front of me, her eyes follow my gaze.
"'Gabriel, no one is there.'"
The sudden shock of Lottie's words hits me. 'No one is there.' I reach my hand out to Kali but it passes through her and her body dissolves into a mist.
I lean against the wall and let my body slide down it. Lottie keeps trying to catch my gaze but I'm staring somewhere far off.
I start mumbling something in russian, even I don't understand what I'm saying at first.
"'Slow down, tell me again in english.'"
I like Lottie, she's cool. She's calm and sweet but determined and urgent too.
I stick my hand into the sliver of sunlight, "'All that is myth will become reality.'" I repeat Johanna's words. I hold up my burnt hand to show her.
Lottie grasps it and holds it, "'Gabriel, nothing is wrong with your hand.'"
I look at it. She's wrong! Its black and burnt!
I think of her words and play them in my mind a few times while repeating my russian gibberish.
"'They told me about a great fighter and a skillfull shape shifter that helped defeat the Volturri. Where is he? Where is that Gabriel?'" I don't answer her so she starts to walk out the door.
I mumble something but she doesn't hear me.
"'I'm lost.'" I say louder.
"'What?'" She says turning around.
"'I'm lost.'" I say while flinching from Her grasp.
-Gabriel