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CAN YOU HEAR ME?...
March 25th, 2013
Rosy cheeks and long dark eyelashes.
Blue eyes, like the sea, closed beyond repair. How I wish they would open and
stun the world with their depth and clarity.
Eyelashes that touch her young, chubby cheeks, brushing against them, giving
them a kiss.
Her tiny nose that would crinkle at foul smells, the same one I pretended to
take away from her when she was a baby. 'I got your nose', I would coo, 'I got
your nose'
Her smile which spread to others, and her frown which made others unhappy as
well. Her lips are still, barely parted, no more smiles.
Her long brown hair, lay around her head like a halo. It was soft to the touch,
and wavy like the sea. Only now, like the sea after a storm, there is barely a
ripple, the bounce has gone from it.
Carlisle said we could fix her cuts and bruises, make it appear as if they never
were there...but we can't fix the damage that has been done inside of her. We
can't fix her heart or the fire that races through her veins, we can't fix her
mind and bring her home.
I want her back. I want to be sleeping in the early morning, the white room will
start filling with light from the early morning sun. I am fatigued with worry
and countless nights spent awake, looking at her. My guard is down. I am
sleeping, breathing in. Out. In. Out, slowly. I feel something on my hand and
the sudden, unexpected, movement awakens me. My eyes open to a more than welcome
site. Sophia will be sitting up in bed, her little nightgown wrinkled from
sleep, her blue eyes gazing at me, and that wonderful smile on her face.
'Are you okay, Uncle Gabriel?' She'll ask me in that sing-song voice of hers.
I fall to my knees, thanking God or whoever will listen, and then I wrap my arms
around her, silently vowing never to leave her again.
'I am now.' I would reply.
Carlisle says that we shouldn't get our hopes up, things don't look to well, we
can't expect for her to wake up since others rarely do. But how can he ask us to
give our hope up when its the only thing that keeps us going? Hope is the only
thing we have right now. Hope that she'll wake up. Hope that our family can live
in peace. Hope for a better future. How can he ask us to let go of her when she
isn't even dead yet? I can't pretend she is or ever will be dead. I've lost my
daughter, I can't lose my Sophia too.
I look across the bed to where Jordan is sitting. Eyes trained on her daughter,
hands fidgeting with worry, Jordan is a mother in distress. Her daughter lays in
front of her, trapped in a coma...and she can't do anything about it. I take a
few seconds to observe Jordan. She's obviously distressed, worried, scared.
Jordan's been told an awfully lot lately that she can't help, that she can only
watch, that everything would be okay if she just waited. I hope that watching
her daughter fight was the last time that she believed any of it. We're vampires
therefore we obviously defy what people believed to be the truth. Its high time
we stop believing what we're told, and believe what we imagine. Johanna believes
mermaids are also real, let her. For all we know, they are.
We all believed werewolves to be extinct for 2,000 years, we were proved wrong
by Johanna's brother.
I believed that I would never be free from my demons, I was proved wrong by a
one-of-a-kind human who taught me how to forgive and how to love again.
I believe that Sophia will survive. What kind of world is this if we can't be
proved wrong and have good triumph over evil?
I could practically see a thought bubble above her head. Like a neon sign it
confirmed what I knew she was thinking.
"Stop believing what everyone tells you. They've been wrong before and they will
be wrong again." I say.
Jordan didn't reply. I don't even know if she heard me.
In the kitchen I heard Johanna talking to Rhoan, trying to understand what
happened.
What did happen? I wonder to myself.
They were drinking coffee and talking about it. I haven't spoken to anyone other
than Carlisle since I got here. All I've done after that moment is sit next to
her bed.
'Where is she?!' I demanded as I stormed through the front doors.
I had run for 2 hours to get back to Ireland, trying to think of an explanation
for Jordan's sobs. I already knew the answer, I just refused to believe it. The
house was still and empty.
I ran up the stairs and down the hallway to where her bedroom is. Before I
reached her door, Carlisle was standing in front of me, pushing me away and
keeping me from getting closer.
'Carlisle, she's going to be okay. Everything is fine.' I said more to convince
myself than to actually ask him.
I really didn't want to know the truth... But somebody had to.
'I fixed her physical wounds, she would be fine-'
'Would be?' I whispered in shock.
Carlisle lowered his voice so just I could hear him, 'I am sorry. I've done all
that I could.'
'Carlisle?' I asked, begging him to stop playing such a cruel joke on me.
I swallowed unnecesarily, all though, I felt like I had to but couldn't breathe.
'She won't be waking up, Gabriel.' Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder and then
walked away leaving me standing dumbfounded in the middle of the hall.
I leaned against the wall and slowly fell to the floor. I rested my elbows on my
knees and put my face in my hands. Blood raced out of the corners of my eyes and
my body convulsed with empty sobs. I cried for 20 minutes before I could wipe
away the blood and lean against the wall for support. Sophia is dead, I thought
to myself. It was the only thought loud enough to remember. I didn't even
realize that my hand had reached out and opened the door, or that my feet were
moving my body inside her room. The room was dark except for a small nightlight
in the corner, Jordan sat in a chair on one side of Sophia's bed and I pulled up
another to the opposite side.
And that's how I began my mourning session even though I can't consider her dead
and I still have the belief that she will wake up. I heard Josh coming up the
stairs and I knew Jordan wouldn't be happy. I would've stood up and stopped him
from entering...if it would have done any good. But it wouldn't...so I didn't.
Besides, they are having some problems and I don't want to be inbetween them,
the less drama the better.
The door opens and Josh walks inside. In an instant, Jordan is out of her chair
and pushing him out the door, she closes the door behind them and pulls Josh
downstairs before they start arguing. I hear them yelling at each other,
something about what happened with Sophia. I wonder if she can hear them?
Jordan came back into the room, closed the door before Josh could enter, and
resumed her spot in her chair.
I can't say that Jordan has a right to be angry with Josh, but I can't say that
she doesn't. I don't know what happened that horrible day, but I do know that we
are all here for Sophia. We all want her to wake up, we all want her to survive.
Personally, I think Jordan and Josh should stop with the arguing and put their
differences aside to help each other. Sophia is their daughter, they are a
family. If Carlisle is right...they're all each other has, and I know it would
break their un-beating hearts.
-Gabriel
March 25th, 2013
Rosy cheeks and long dark eyelashes.
Blue eyes, like the sea, closed beyond repair. How I wish they would open and
stun the world with their depth and clarity.
Eyelashes that touch her young, chubby cheeks, brushing against them, giving
them a kiss.
Her tiny nose that would crinkle at foul smells, the same one I pretended to
take away from her when she was a baby. 'I got your nose', I would coo, 'I got
your nose'
Her smile which spread to others, and her frown which made others unhappy as
well. Her lips are still, barely parted, no more smiles.
Her long brown hair, lay around her head like a halo. It was soft to the touch,
and wavy like the sea. Only now, like the sea after a storm, there is barely a
ripple, the bounce has gone from it.
Carlisle said we could fix her cuts and bruises, make it appear as if they never
were there...but we can't fix the damage that has been done inside of her. We
can't fix her heart or the fire that races through her veins, we can't fix her
mind and bring her home.
I want her back. I want to be sleeping in the early morning, the white room will
start filling with light from the early morning sun. I am fatigued with worry
and countless nights spent awake, looking at her. My guard is down. I am
sleeping, breathing in. Out. In. Out, slowly. I feel something on my hand and
the sudden, unexpected, movement awakens me. My eyes open to a more than welcome
site. Sophia will be sitting up in bed, her little nightgown wrinkled from
sleep, her blue eyes gazing at me, and that wonderful smile on her face.
'Are you okay, Uncle Gabriel?' She'll ask me in that sing-song voice of hers.
I fall to my knees, thanking God or whoever will listen, and then I wrap my arms
around her, silently vowing never to leave her again.
'I am now.' I would reply.
Carlisle says that we shouldn't get our hopes up, things don't look to well, we
can't expect for her to wake up since others rarely do. But how can he ask us to
give our hope up when its the only thing that keeps us going? Hope is the only
thing we have right now. Hope that she'll wake up. Hope that our family can live
in peace. Hope for a better future. How can he ask us to let go of her when she
isn't even dead yet? I can't pretend she is or ever will be dead. I've lost my
daughter, I can't lose my Sophia too.
I look across the bed to where Jordan is sitting. Eyes trained on her daughter,
hands fidgeting with worry, Jordan is a mother in distress. Her daughter lays in
front of her, trapped in a coma...and she can't do anything about it. I take a
few seconds to observe Jordan. She's obviously distressed, worried, scared.
Jordan's been told an awfully lot lately that she can't help, that she can only
watch, that everything would be okay if she just waited. I hope that watching
her daughter fight was the last time that she believed any of it. We're vampires
therefore we obviously defy what people believed to be the truth. Its high time
we stop believing what we're told, and believe what we imagine. Johanna believes
mermaids are also real, let her. For all we know, they are.
We all believed werewolves to be extinct for 2,000 years, we were proved wrong
by Johanna's brother.
I believed that I would never be free from my demons, I was proved wrong by a
one-of-a-kind human who taught me how to forgive and how to love again.
I believe that Sophia will survive. What kind of world is this if we can't be
proved wrong and have good triumph over evil?
I could practically see a thought bubble above her head. Like a neon sign it
confirmed what I knew she was thinking.
"Stop believing what everyone tells you. They've been wrong before and they will
be wrong again." I say.
Jordan didn't reply. I don't even know if she heard me.
In the kitchen I heard Johanna talking to Rhoan, trying to understand what
happened.
What did happen? I wonder to myself.
They were drinking coffee and talking about it. I haven't spoken to anyone other
than Carlisle since I got here. All I've done after that moment is sit next to
her bed.
'Where is she?!' I demanded as I stormed through the front doors.
I had run for 2 hours to get back to Ireland, trying to think of an explanation
for Jordan's sobs. I already knew the answer, I just refused to believe it. The
house was still and empty.
I ran up the stairs and down the hallway to where her bedroom is. Before I
reached her door, Carlisle was standing in front of me, pushing me away and
keeping me from getting closer.
'Carlisle, she's going to be okay. Everything is fine.' I said more to convince
myself than to actually ask him.
I really didn't want to know the truth... But somebody had to.
'I fixed her physical wounds, she would be fine-'
'Would be?' I whispered in shock.
Carlisle lowered his voice so just I could hear him, 'I am sorry. I've done all
that I could.'
'Carlisle?' I asked, begging him to stop playing such a cruel joke on me.
I swallowed unnecesarily, all though, I felt like I had to but couldn't breathe.
'She won't be waking up, Gabriel.' Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder and then
walked away leaving me standing dumbfounded in the middle of the hall.
I leaned against the wall and slowly fell to the floor. I rested my elbows on my
knees and put my face in my hands. Blood raced out of the corners of my eyes and
my body convulsed with empty sobs. I cried for 20 minutes before I could wipe
away the blood and lean against the wall for support. Sophia is dead, I thought
to myself. It was the only thought loud enough to remember. I didn't even
realize that my hand had reached out and opened the door, or that my feet were
moving my body inside her room. The room was dark except for a small nightlight
in the corner, Jordan sat in a chair on one side of Sophia's bed and I pulled up
another to the opposite side.
And that's how I began my mourning session even though I can't consider her dead
and I still have the belief that she will wake up. I heard Josh coming up the
stairs and I knew Jordan wouldn't be happy. I would've stood up and stopped him
from entering...if it would have done any good. But it wouldn't...so I didn't.
Besides, they are having some problems and I don't want to be inbetween them,
the less drama the better.
The door opens and Josh walks inside. In an instant, Jordan is out of her chair
and pushing him out the door, she closes the door behind them and pulls Josh
downstairs before they start arguing. I hear them yelling at each other,
something about what happened with Sophia. I wonder if she can hear them?
Jordan came back into the room, closed the door before Josh could enter, and
resumed her spot in her chair.
I can't say that Jordan has a right to be angry with Josh, but I can't say that
she doesn't. I don't know what happened that horrible day, but I do know that we
are all here for Sophia. We all want her to wake up, we all want her to survive.
Personally, I think Jordan and Josh should stop with the arguing and put their
differences aside to help each other. Sophia is their daughter, they are a
family. If Carlisle is right...they're all each other has, and I know it would
break their un-beating hearts.
-Gabriel