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Lonliness is my new best friend

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1Lonliness is my new best friend Empty Lonliness is my new best friend Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:29 pm

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Dear diary

Hello there diary I feel like your my only friend at the moment, things haven't improved since I last wrote. The happy meal, uhh, I can't even call her that anymore she is a completely different immortal. This one is nice and I miss the old Sarah, the one who had fighting spirt, who would fight dirty like me, I iam thankful for what she did, the vampire could have wiped Master Marcus' mind clear, in some respect maybe that would be a good thing, he has suffered a great deal. She remembers nothing, all the training she had been given, gone, which is fine because I get to make her fall to her knees in pain again, Master Aro has asked me to be gentle, I am going to try, well maybe a bit off pain would bring something back. Its creepy she has all the instincts off a newborn, how to feed and her thirst isn't as controlled as ours, Heidi has been bringing extra in to satisfy Sarah, Felix will have to start his training again, but I don't think he will mind either, he spends nearly all of his time with her, he says he is protecting her while she is vulnerable. I am not convinced, I think Felix likes her more then he should, I hope he behaves himself, because I don't want to lose a brother. I know he isn't my brother diary, but all these vampires here are the closet thing to a family that me and Alec have, I do not remember my human life. Alec remembers bits and they are hazy to him, he won't let them go like I have. Alec tells me that I was a bitch in my human life and a super bitch now, He is still angry with me. I don't know what to do to make it up to him. I have apologised to Chelsea, she has forgiven me, I think it was the jewels that won it, she was about to hug me but pulled away and asked

"if I hug you, you're not going to attack me are you"
I turned away from her and walked away, she jumped over my head and pulled me into a hug and said
"thank you"

I needed that hug more then I realised, it would be nice if my brother could get over his mood.

I had washed all the dye out it took like 100 washes, now the joke around the place is
"why so blue jane"
your probably wondering why I haven't attacked them with pain, Master Aro has banned me from using it, the only time I am allowed to use it is if I or anyone else has been attacked or is about to be. Aro spoke to me earlier, I thought he was going to to be cruel to me but he was pleasent enough, he told me that I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I told him how did he expect me to react, he didn't have an answer for me he asked me to behave myself and try to get along with Sarah, this is going to be impossible for me to do. I hate her, everytime I hear her name being mentioned or hear her voice or see her face I feel the venom drip off my fangs and I want that venom to burn her skin.

Demitri has gone out today and I am alone once again, I am sitting in a corridor far away from everyone's room, no-one will find me down here. I want to be alone, I have a candle for light but I don't need it, I am sitting on the floor writting in you, my only friend, well Demitri is being nice to me but now he is gone, I have no-one, not even my brother, Tristan is busy with my Masters, they want to know his past, how he was turned,

Diary I have just remembered something Demitri said to me
"Maybe if you weren't so cruel then maybe you wouldn't annoy everyone"
I think I have a plan forming Diary, a way to get my brother back on my side and maybe everyone else, it's going to take some work but I can do it, surely I can, yes I can. First, I need to get a gift, sorry diary let me explain, if I am extremely nice to Sarah and apologise to her, that's going to be hard but I can do it. I will get her a gift to say sorry, she will believe me surely, if she can not remember how evil I am, I could convince her, but to convince everyone else maybe if I just act very upset around everyone Demitri already thinks I am depressed, Ohh I like this plan more then ever, now I think about it, thank you diary, what would I do without you. Chelsea is calling me phase one ofmy plan must begin, I need to blow my candle out and sit in darkness, that will creep her out.
I will write soon to let you know how my plan is going.

Jane

Dear diary
I just wanted to let you know what has happned so far, Chelsea found me in the dark she asked me what I was doing I told her reflecting on my attitude, she lit the candle and sat next to me, she held my hand and asked me if I needed to talk. I told her
"No I am fine"
and smiled lightly I made my eyes wide for added affect, she patted my head and told me it was dinnertime, I told her Iwasn't hungry even though my eyes where pitch black and I was extremely thirsty. Chelsea hugged me.

"Jane, I know that your brother means the world to you and you haven't seen him for a while and now that he is angry with you but please don't do this to yourself."

"I am nothing without him, I pushed him too far this time."
I explained in a whiny voice, it sounded strange to me.

"Jane you don't really belive that do you?"

"I do."

"Damn, Demitri was right, you really are depressed, look I wasn't supposed to say anything but Demitri has gone out to get you some new clothes and some new treasures for you, seeing as yours are ruined."

"Really? Thats really sweet of him, why would he do that for me?"
I pretended. I should be an actress diary.

"Jane dear you are a silly girl aren't you, Demitri sees the real you, Jane he understands your moods, better then anyone, he understands you darling and he wants to cheer you up, I wont ruin the other suprise."

"Thank you Chelsea, I am sorry I was mean to you, I didn't expect to come home to find my room being stinked out and myself covered in blue dye."

"No, its not the most welcolme home party is it." she replied.

"Sarah has a very interesting imagination, if it wasn't me I would have found it very funny."
I replied in this sad tone I adopted, it flowed so well.
Chelsea looked at me oddly
"You called her Sarah?"

"That's her name isn't it?"

"Yes, but I thought you had given her a nickname?"

"I had but it's not her at the moment is it?"

"No, that's very true."
she replied. She jumped up and held her hand out for me and I shook my head and told her I was fine, she ignored me and picked me up so I moulded myself into her. Ohh! I love this plan Diary, one down, Alec saw me in Chelsea's arms and asked if I was ok, he looked worried for me, Chelsea put me down.

"Jane is fine Alec, she needs some blood and a little brotherly love maybe."

Hahahahaahaha wonderful I thought to myself, Alec smiled at me, Sarah had come in to the great hall and Alec went to join her, I looked down trying not to show my anger. Chelsea hugged me and then joined her partner, I went to sit on the stairs by my Masters, I could hear everyone whisper asking what was wrong with me, I looked over to Sarah and smiled a sweet smile and she didn't know what to do, so I looked away. Tristan came to sit next to me and asked if iIwas ok. I told him I was fine I asked him if he had settled in and he said yes he feels very comfortable here, everyone is so nice, I smiled at him, oh Diary it's tiring to keep up this depressed state but I have to, the food came through the door and I stayed glued to the steps, I let every one feed first, Alec bought over a blood bag he had killed and offered me it, I passed and he looked hurt, he begged me to feed, I told him I wasn't hungry and Alec got really upset
"Please Jane I can see you are, don't do this to yourself."

I left the room, it was killing me, all the blood, I really needed blood, then I heard screams I ran back to the main hall and everyone was standing still looking at Tristan, his eyes were green, it's really bizzare, when vampires have human blood their eyes go a nice shade of red but his went green, truly amazing. Everyone apologised to Tristan and our Masters took him away to find out what was going on. I left again when all the commotion died down, Demitri returned and he brought me a blood bag. I was back in my private corridor, Demitri will not leave me alone now, he is really worried, he wants to show me something so I have to go, I will keep you updated diary, but the plan is going well.

Jane

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