HAPPINESS IS A BITCH...

HAPPINESS IS A BITCH...
March 25th, 2011

The Cullens are here. Jasper, Alice, Bella, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme and...and Carlisle. They got here 2 days ago but I've had too much fun messing with them to come write about them. Alice isn't as happy as I thought she was...she is MUCH happier. I didn't think it was possible for one person to hold so much happiness, until I met her.
It sickens me! Nobody has any reason to be that happy!
Anyway, she told me that I was going to die, do you know how awesome that was?! I acted all careless but I'm glad that Faine will keep her promise and end my life.
So, Chelsea is back from the Volturri and it doesn't seem like she's brainwashed, so I guess that's good news?
Hah! Oh boy, did I freak out Edward or what!
We were all sitting in the living room, well, I was. And the others were outside. So in walks Edward. He sits in a chair across from me and we just stare intently at each other.
Finally he says, "Let me in."
I might just have a dirty mind, but doesn't it sound like he was referring to something sexual?!?
"Why should I?" I ask.
"Because I want to help you. And I can only do that if you open your mind up. Show me what scared you." He pleads.
"You don't want to be in my mind. There are things in there that would make you scream like a little girl and embarrass yourself in front of your wife." I pause, "My mind is not open for your delight. I keep you out to protect you. Trust me."
He doesn't trust me though, "In this life, you need friends, not enemies. And trust me," he says standing up, "you are earning yourself some enemies."
I don't like the way he is looking at me. Then it hits me.
"Do you think you're better than me?!? Huh, Mr. Edward Cullen?!" I spit out his name.
He backs away from my rage and I just get angrier.
"Do you think you are the golden child since your maker actually loves you? Do you think you're better because you have a perfect family, a perfect wife and a perfect daughter?!"
"Leave them out of this." He demands.
"Why should I?! The world didn't leave my daughter alone!" I stand up to tower over him, "Never look down on me EVER again. You may be living a dream but at least I'm prepared for when reality hits and takes away everything I love." A short pause, "Speaking of love, how is your daughter?" I ask devious.
Edward gets a furious look in his eyes thinking that I would try to harm his wife or daughter. He lashes out at me and we get into a wrestling match on the floor. Bella comes running in so I let Edward tackle me to the floor.
"Edward! What are you doing?!" She screeches.
"What? Bella! You don't seriously think I would attack the likes of him do you?"
That's it! Its go time! The way he said 'the likes of him'!! Hell no!
I roar and shove Edward out the door. It breaks down and Edward and I are getting down and dirty in the dirt with the entire family as our audience.
I punch and strangle wherever I can and I'm pretty sure that I ended up kicking Josh or the blonde girl, Rosealie, once or twice. I'm laughing the entire time until Carlisle has Edward in his grasp and Faine, Jordan and Chelsea have me in theirs. Carlisle starts giving a lecture to Edward about knowing better and Jordan starts yelling her flap at me! I glare at her and mutter an 'I don't give a damn'. As I stalk off over the hill I hear Chelsea asking about what had happened to me. Like she really cares! Nobody cares about me. Hell, I don't even care about me!
I end up a while away sitting in a green field. I sit down and let my mind wander.
"Do you mind?" Carlisle asks.
"Huh?" I say since I wasn't expecting him.
"If I sit? Do you mind?"
"Oh" I say distracted, "no."
He sits next to me and watches me in silence.
"So, what were you thinking about?"
"What were you thinking about?" I snap back.
"I asked you first, son."
I ignore his calling me 'son'.
"I was wondering how I'm going to die."
"Ah, yes, Alice told me about her vision of Faine killing you. How does that make you feel?" He says wisely.
"Look, Dr. Cullen, I really don't need a head shrinker right now."
"I'm not a shrink. I'm just here to listen to what you want to say. Now, how does that make you feel?"
"I feel-" I search for the right words, "happy! I feel god damned happy that I'm going to die! For such a long time that's all I've ever wanted! I don't know why but- yeah."
"Hh-mmm. You don't feel happiness often."
"Is that a question?" I ask curiously.
"Just a statement."
"Your right. I don't. This is one of the only times I felt it while being a vampire." My head hangs in shame.
"Why are you ashamed of that? Only a few of us are lucky enough to feel that happiness and to have that reason to live forever. This life especially is a very lonely one, especially for someone like you."
"What's that supposed to mean?!" I ask angrily. I swear, if Carlisle is insulting me than I must be worse than I thought.
"You are a loner. And, I predict, that if you were to find someone special, you wouldn't even know it," I think of Johanna, "you would keep going on and ignoring something that could be the reason to live."
"Or I could have killed her." I say solemnly looking into his eyes.
"Oh, so this is the cause of your troubles?"
"One of them. I killed her after she begged me to take her away. I helped kill Master Caius and Aro and destroy Jane. I loved Jane after I killed Johanna and joined the Volturri, she was my speed. Oh, and I feel great every time I kill a human."
"Not a vegetarian?" He asks.
"No and I never will be."
"Okay. Son, you can't beat yourself up about every death. Some things happened because they were supposed to. Maybe this Johanna wasn't supposed to be your reason to live."
I start pacing, "But your wrong! She was my everything! I didn't even know her but at the same time I did! She had my favorite blood type, she wasn't afraid of me , which actually scared me, she- I fight for her. I killed my maker to avenge my daughters death and the death of Johanna. I did all that, so I could right all the wrongs and die myself."
I wonder why I've said what I have, but then I look at Carlisle and I know that my secrets will be taken to the grave.
He stands up and starts walking away. Oh great! Even he doesn't have advice for me!
"Have you ever thought that maybe you aren't supposed to 'right all the wrongs'? Maybe you are supposed to live for a reason?" He shrugs and walks off.
Damn those mind doctors! They never tell you what to do! I ponder Carlisle's advice and what Johanna said to me in a dream 'I'm not ready to have you with me yet. Your not done there.'
Ggggrrrrr!! I've had enough of thinking so I walk back over the hills with the best intentions of being nicer. As soon as I see them all on the front lawn, my hate of them comes rushing back.
"Oh, Gabriel! You're just in time." Jasper says waving me over.
"What for?" I grumble.
"Well, training! Since you phsyched out your opponents last time, well, I think it would be great if we did some physical training."
"Are you saying that you don't think I have the physical attack ability?!"
Jasper starts babbling apologies and Emmett starts laughing at him.
"What Jasper means is that the new Volturri have children vampires." Carlisle says.
"Okay, first of all: I'm killing those three. Any objections? No. Good. Second: I've fought things MUCH worse than children vampires." My maker, Her minion, etc.
Jasper starts showing us some moves and I kind of zone out. Soon, the sun disappears behind the horizon, and so do I.
Its about a minute before Carlisle realizes that I've gone.
"Hey! Where did Gabriel go?!" Emmett asks.
They all look around for me and huddle close together.
I laugh and throw the shadows off me. Really?! How can they fight these people if they are afraid of the dark? And of me?
my laughter roars outward and they finally spot me crouched on the top branch of a bare tree.
"This training is fine and all, but its not cutting it. No offense Jasper." I pause and he looks mad. Use the emotion control, Jasper! I wanna shout.
"So, what about the things that lurk in the dark?"
"My battle techniques work for anything." Jasper states.
I think of Her and of the bird/snake like creature.
"To a certain point, yes. But there are worse things in the dark besides vampires and shape shifting wolves. I've seen them. Learn to use your strengths and the strengths of others in the dark."
And then I am gone again, with the shadows wrapped around my body. I leap off the tree and run through the dense forest. They are all after me, dodging trees and vines. I decide I must play a game, a very fun game! I hide behind a tree and wait for half the group to go by. I change myself into Jasper's worst fear: a girl named Maria. I leap out from behind the tree and grab his hand as I run past. He is shocked and tries to get me to stop.
"-but I saw you die! The Volturri took care of you!"
I drop his hand and race off. I leap into a tree and he continues running off after Maria. I change into this Claire woman and seek out Faine.
"Are you looking for me?" I whisper behind Faine. She whips around and both of us snarl at each other. Hhmm, Claire has a lot of hate towards Faine. Oh, wait. That's my own hate.
I shove Faine's shoulder as I run past her and it doesn't take long for me to shake her.
Next up, Edward.
A certain little fiery red head should bring back fond memories for him.
"Cullen." The name comes as a snarl from her lips. A sick twisted snarl. If she were alive, she would be mine! We would have quite the fun.
"V-v-v-" he stammers.
"Victoria!" I shout, "I'm back, Edward. Tell me, how is Bella?" And then I am off again with Edward chasing me into the trees. He is keeping up much better than the others. Ah! I forgot, he's the fastest runner.
"But I'm smarter." Victoria says.
I leap up into the night sky and change into a crow in mid-leap. Edward doesn't know where Victoria went, but he has to keep his precious Bella safe, off to the ends of the Earth he goes. I fly back towards the house and watch the others looking for me below. I change into myself and land on the ground laughing.
"That wasn't very nice." Carlisle says.
"The world isn't nice. Why aren't you out there looking for me?"
"Because I think I know you a little bit better than they do."
"Nobody knows me." I counter.
I casually lean up against the porch while Carlisle calls everybody.
"Son, it was a joke. You can come back now." I stifle a laugh. And then everybody else can come back as well. They all stand annoyed in front of me, but I can see the hint of fun in their eyes.
"I thought it would prepare you. You can't be taken off guard, you don't think; you just kill."
Jordan was the first to be done with me. She approaches me.
"Can you move?!" She yells.
"Why don't you just go around me?" Well, two can play that game! I've had it with her as well.
She moves left, I move left. She moves right, I move right.
"Oh my god! You giant pain in the ass!" She shoves my shoulder hard and she walks past. I chuckle as everyone else follows her. The last to pass me is Carlisle. He looks at me and shakes his head. Oh well. You can't be friends with them all.
-Gabriel