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When I woke up the next night, Lexi was still asleep beside me. I got out of bed, put a pair of jeans on and poured myself a glass of bourbon. I tried being loud and obnoxious to get Lexi up. But she was sleeping solid. I glanced out the window, No wonder! Its still light out. I sat down on the couch and grabbed this…thing. Book. Whatever. I had some of the curtain open so the sun was resting on my skin.
There are three sure ways to kill a vampire:
1-Too much vervain. (An ancient trick)
2-A stake through the heart. (Classic! And cliché.)
3-Exposure too sunlight. (Another cliché.)
Dammit, why can’t you just accept my answers? Why do you have to ask so many goddamned questions? I can be in the sun because I have a ring.
Well, this freaking ring is what keeps me looking normal! Im pretty sure people would think you’re a vampire if they never saw you out in daylight!
It has magic in it, Katherine had it made for me. It was going to be our wedding ring….
Anyway, so im sitting here playing with my ring when I hear some sort of technological sound coming from the corner. I get up and go over to the computer and turn it on to find that I have a new email:
From: secretlover555@yahoo.com
To: bitemel8tr@night.com
Damon, they are looking for you. Don’t ask who, but I think they are coming for you soon. Run.
-Daisy
I clicked Reply and sent her this:
To: secretlover555@yahoo.com
From: bitemel8tr@night.com
Daisy, you are an angel! Im glad for your wonderful words of wisdom, but you forgot one thing: Damon Salvatore runs from nothing! Im a vampire, sweetie, I could kill them in an instant! Just suck their blood and that’s it!
-Damon
I sent it and waited.
A thought popped into my head, nah! It disappeared. A warped, evil thought popped into my head, sure! Why not!
I hit the ‘compose’ button
To: S.Salvatore@aol.com
From: bitemel8tr@night.com
Hello, Stefan. It’s Damon. How are you little brother? Are you fucking dead yet? Have you starved yourself to near death yet? I hope so. You always were a thorn in my side! You’re a pathetic excuse for a vampire and an even more pathetic excuse for a human! Have a fucking nice day!
-Damon
I sent it.
My inbox says that Daisy has replied:
From: secretlover555@yahoo.com
To: bitemel8tr@night.com
They have Vervain. And lots of it. Inside their body. No compulsion possible. Tell Lexi as well. And you owe me.
-Daisy
I had to reply.
To: secretlover555@yahoo.com
From: bitemel8tr@night.com
Daisy, I owe you the world! Ha! I will most definitely treat you when I see you next (though, it’ll be more of a treat for me). Im outta here! As soon as the sun sets I’ll pack my stuff and leave. If lexi were awake, im sure she would be thanking you as well.
-Damon
I sent that message and looked at what Stefan had sent me.
From: S.Salvatore@aol.com
To: bitemel8tr@night.com
Hello, Damon. Could you have picked a more conspicuous email address??? It screams ‘vampire’. No, I have not starved myself, I feed on animal blood every so often. I wish I were dead. This life is unbearable. I don’t understand why you feel the need to use such vulgar language like that…
-Stefan
I scoffed. Typical Stefan.
To: S.Salvatore@aol.com
From: bitemel8tr@night.com
That’s the point, brother. My email address ‘screams vampire’ because I AM A VAMPIRE!!! And, like it or not, YOUR ONE TOO!
Drinking animal blood is like taking your own life in your hands! Drink human blood, it will awaken you! Seeing will become clearer. Being will become greater. Feeling….who needs emotions?
Fuck. I’ll say whatever I like. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck your life.
-Damon
I sent it. And looked at the final message Daisy had sent me:
From: secretlover555@yahoo.com
To: bitemel8tr@night.com
I’ll be waiting for you, lover. The bed is nice and warm
-Daisy
I laughed and turned around, Lexi had woken up and the sun had gone down.
“’What are you laughing at?’” She asked.
“’My life.’” I jumped on top of her, “’Im a sex slave to information givers.’”
“’Well, it’s a good thing you like to have sex,’” She pushed me off the bed, “’What’s the news?’”
I threw a shirt at her, “’The town is coming after us with fire and pitch forks.’” I tossed her a pair of shorts, “’Daisy.’” Lexi muttered.
“’The girl knows what she’s talking about. What do you make of it?’”
“’I’ve always wanted to stay in Vegas for awhile.’” Lexi stood fully clothed in front of me.
“’Im not in the mood. You go ahead.’” I turned around and sat at the computer.
From: S.Salvatore@aol.com
To: bitemel8tr@night.com
Maybe that’s your problem, Damon. You don’t recognize your own emotions! And it will be your downfall. As for ‘fuck my life’ well, you’ve already done that for me, haven’t you?
-Stefan
“’Where will you go, then?’” Lexi asked. She placed her hands on my shoulders.
I closed my laptop and tore it in half like one would tear a piece of paper.
“’Home.’”
-D.S.
There are three sure ways to kill a vampire:
1-Too much vervain. (An ancient trick)
2-A stake through the heart. (Classic! And cliché.)
3-Exposure too sunlight. (Another cliché.)
Dammit, why can’t you just accept my answers? Why do you have to ask so many goddamned questions? I can be in the sun because I have a ring.
Well, this freaking ring is what keeps me looking normal! Im pretty sure people would think you’re a vampire if they never saw you out in daylight!
It has magic in it, Katherine had it made for me. It was going to be our wedding ring….
Anyway, so im sitting here playing with my ring when I hear some sort of technological sound coming from the corner. I get up and go over to the computer and turn it on to find that I have a new email:
From: secretlover555@yahoo.com
To: bitemel8tr@night.com
Damon, they are looking for you. Don’t ask who, but I think they are coming for you soon. Run.
-Daisy
I clicked Reply and sent her this:
To: secretlover555@yahoo.com
From: bitemel8tr@night.com
Daisy, you are an angel! Im glad for your wonderful words of wisdom, but you forgot one thing: Damon Salvatore runs from nothing! Im a vampire, sweetie, I could kill them in an instant! Just suck their blood and that’s it!
-Damon
I sent it and waited.
A thought popped into my head, nah! It disappeared. A warped, evil thought popped into my head, sure! Why not!
I hit the ‘compose’ button
To: S.Salvatore@aol.com
From: bitemel8tr@night.com
Hello, Stefan. It’s Damon. How are you little brother? Are you fucking dead yet? Have you starved yourself to near death yet? I hope so. You always were a thorn in my side! You’re a pathetic excuse for a vampire and an even more pathetic excuse for a human! Have a fucking nice day!
-Damon
I sent it.
My inbox says that Daisy has replied:
From: secretlover555@yahoo.com
To: bitemel8tr@night.com
They have Vervain. And lots of it. Inside their body. No compulsion possible. Tell Lexi as well. And you owe me.
-Daisy
I had to reply.
To: secretlover555@yahoo.com
From: bitemel8tr@night.com
Daisy, I owe you the world! Ha! I will most definitely treat you when I see you next (though, it’ll be more of a treat for me). Im outta here! As soon as the sun sets I’ll pack my stuff and leave. If lexi were awake, im sure she would be thanking you as well.
-Damon
I sent that message and looked at what Stefan had sent me.
From: S.Salvatore@aol.com
To: bitemel8tr@night.com
Hello, Damon. Could you have picked a more conspicuous email address??? It screams ‘vampire’. No, I have not starved myself, I feed on animal blood every so often. I wish I were dead. This life is unbearable. I don’t understand why you feel the need to use such vulgar language like that…
-Stefan
I scoffed. Typical Stefan.
To: S.Salvatore@aol.com
From: bitemel8tr@night.com
That’s the point, brother. My email address ‘screams vampire’ because I AM A VAMPIRE!!! And, like it or not, YOUR ONE TOO!
Drinking animal blood is like taking your own life in your hands! Drink human blood, it will awaken you! Seeing will become clearer. Being will become greater. Feeling….who needs emotions?
Fuck. I’ll say whatever I like. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck your life.
-Damon
I sent it. And looked at the final message Daisy had sent me:
From: secretlover555@yahoo.com
To: bitemel8tr@night.com
I’ll be waiting for you, lover. The bed is nice and warm
-Daisy
I laughed and turned around, Lexi had woken up and the sun had gone down.
“’What are you laughing at?’” She asked.
“’My life.’” I jumped on top of her, “’Im a sex slave to information givers.’”
“’Well, it’s a good thing you like to have sex,’” She pushed me off the bed, “’What’s the news?’”
I threw a shirt at her, “’The town is coming after us with fire and pitch forks.’” I tossed her a pair of shorts, “’Daisy.’” Lexi muttered.
“’The girl knows what she’s talking about. What do you make of it?’”
“’I’ve always wanted to stay in Vegas for awhile.’” Lexi stood fully clothed in front of me.
“’Im not in the mood. You go ahead.’” I turned around and sat at the computer.
From: S.Salvatore@aol.com
To: bitemel8tr@night.com
Maybe that’s your problem, Damon. You don’t recognize your own emotions! And it will be your downfall. As for ‘fuck my life’ well, you’ve already done that for me, haven’t you?
-Stefan
“’Where will you go, then?’” Lexi asked. She placed her hands on my shoulders.
I closed my laptop and tore it in half like one would tear a piece of paper.
“’Home.’”
-D.S.
