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August 11th, 2014
Dear Diary,
Have you ever had a secret? One so horrible and dark that you couldn't tell anyone? Well I do.
I have a secret.
It's a terrible one.
And I can't tell anyone, not even you, Diary.
It isn't that I don't want to tell you, its that I'm afraid someone else will find out. I'm afraid to be around all these people, they're vampires with powers that completely surpass my lying abilities. And then there is Gabriel.
Oh, Gabriel! What's am I going to do about him?! I can't lie to him after I promised no more secrets...after all, what could be worse than not telling him about all my encounters with death which I wasn't supposed to walk away from?
This. I can't tell Gabriel the secret I hold inside of me. But I can't look at his sweet, loving face all day so I have to run. I have to find anything and everything to do in order to keep us apart.
I changed into leggings and a baggy t-shirt and then tied on my sneakers before calling to Gabriel that I was going running. I ran from the house, down the dirt road, through the forest that leads to town and all the way through town. I finally reached a field on the other side of town, its succluded and not many people go there. So I sat down and watched the clouds roll by overhead. And as I did, I couldn't escape my guilt. There were going to be so many more months of this hiding, I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. They are my family, my life, now. I didn't really think I could keep this secret for long, but I had to try even keeping this secret for one day would better my odds.
I stood up and walked further into the field along the tree line, trying desperately, but failing, to put my mind elsewhere.
As I was walking, I crossed my arms over my chest and could only keep thinking of my secret. How had the impossible become possible? And this secret, of all things, was even more impossible than the idea of vampires was before I met Gabriel! That's how impossible it is.
Not long after, it started raining. I ran under the trees to try and shield myself from the cold and rain, it didn't do much good. I looked deeper into the forest and remembered that night Gabriel and I had fought. He stormed off into the forest and I went after him. And when he crossed the river I threatened to jump, I did but found myself being wrapped in Gabriel's arms and lying on top of his body on the same side of the river. We had played hide and seek in the rain and then sat in the branches of a tree to watch the sunset. I was with him then but I'm all alone now, I have to be.
My tears mingled with the rain as I started walking to work.
I would have to be all alone in this. No one else would understand. They would tell Gabriel and he- well, he has a horrible temper. Do I think he would hurt me? No. But I think he would make me do something I don't want to.
At that moment my secret sort of spoke to me, touched my heart and told me how much it means to me. I decided then, at that very second, that I wouldn't tell anyone. I would keep this secret until I couldn't any longer. And when Gabriel found out, he would accept it or I would die portecting this secret. No one would take what's mine away from me. No one.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and when I looked at the screen it was Gabriel who was calling me.
"Love, its raining. Are you close to home? I don't want you getting sick-"
He was being sweet but my love for him had to stay out of the way, I had something to hide and protect.
"Gabriel, I want a bird."
"W-what?" I had caught him off guard.
"Actually, I want two birds."
"Oh, well. What kinds? I'll go to the store and-"
"No. Just go outside and catch two birds and put them in a cage in our room."
"Okay, hun, if that's what you want. So are you close-"
"I'm working," and then I hung up on him.
It hurt me to be this mean to him but I couldn't be nice and lie at the same time.
I had went into the back of the bar to borrow a uniform, I came out all dry and went to my boss.
"I'd like to take the night shift four times a week."
That's how I would stay away from Gabriel most nights.
But at the end of my shift I returned home and got ready for bed. I put on sweatpants and a t-shirt and climbed into bed.
"Johanna?"
I turned my back on Gabriel and waited for what he would say next. He didn't say anything, just stared at the ceiling. The birds I had trapped in a cage were chirping in the corner of the room, Gabriel was silent but the hurt I had caused him was almost as loud as the banging of my heart against my rib cage.
Yes, we all have secrets, even ones we can't tell anyone else. And we all tell lies to protect those secrets...even if it means hurting the ones we love the most.
Love,
Johanna
Dear Diary,
Have you ever had a secret? One so horrible and dark that you couldn't tell anyone? Well I do.
I have a secret.
It's a terrible one.
And I can't tell anyone, not even you, Diary.
It isn't that I don't want to tell you, its that I'm afraid someone else will find out. I'm afraid to be around all these people, they're vampires with powers that completely surpass my lying abilities. And then there is Gabriel.
Oh, Gabriel! What's am I going to do about him?! I can't lie to him after I promised no more secrets...after all, what could be worse than not telling him about all my encounters with death which I wasn't supposed to walk away from?
This. I can't tell Gabriel the secret I hold inside of me. But I can't look at his sweet, loving face all day so I have to run. I have to find anything and everything to do in order to keep us apart.
I changed into leggings and a baggy t-shirt and then tied on my sneakers before calling to Gabriel that I was going running. I ran from the house, down the dirt road, through the forest that leads to town and all the way through town. I finally reached a field on the other side of town, its succluded and not many people go there. So I sat down and watched the clouds roll by overhead. And as I did, I couldn't escape my guilt. There were going to be so many more months of this hiding, I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. They are my family, my life, now. I didn't really think I could keep this secret for long, but I had to try even keeping this secret for one day would better my odds.
I stood up and walked further into the field along the tree line, trying desperately, but failing, to put my mind elsewhere.
As I was walking, I crossed my arms over my chest and could only keep thinking of my secret. How had the impossible become possible? And this secret, of all things, was even more impossible than the idea of vampires was before I met Gabriel! That's how impossible it is.
Not long after, it started raining. I ran under the trees to try and shield myself from the cold and rain, it didn't do much good. I looked deeper into the forest and remembered that night Gabriel and I had fought. He stormed off into the forest and I went after him. And when he crossed the river I threatened to jump, I did but found myself being wrapped in Gabriel's arms and lying on top of his body on the same side of the river. We had played hide and seek in the rain and then sat in the branches of a tree to watch the sunset. I was with him then but I'm all alone now, I have to be.
My tears mingled with the rain as I started walking to work.
I would have to be all alone in this. No one else would understand. They would tell Gabriel and he- well, he has a horrible temper. Do I think he would hurt me? No. But I think he would make me do something I don't want to.
At that moment my secret sort of spoke to me, touched my heart and told me how much it means to me. I decided then, at that very second, that I wouldn't tell anyone. I would keep this secret until I couldn't any longer. And when Gabriel found out, he would accept it or I would die portecting this secret. No one would take what's mine away from me. No one.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and when I looked at the screen it was Gabriel who was calling me.
"Love, its raining. Are you close to home? I don't want you getting sick-"
He was being sweet but my love for him had to stay out of the way, I had something to hide and protect.
"Gabriel, I want a bird."
"W-what?" I had caught him off guard.
"Actually, I want two birds."
"Oh, well. What kinds? I'll go to the store and-"
"No. Just go outside and catch two birds and put them in a cage in our room."
"Okay, hun, if that's what you want. So are you close-"
"I'm working," and then I hung up on him.
It hurt me to be this mean to him but I couldn't be nice and lie at the same time.
I had went into the back of the bar to borrow a uniform, I came out all dry and went to my boss.
"I'd like to take the night shift four times a week."
That's how I would stay away from Gabriel most nights.
But at the end of my shift I returned home and got ready for bed. I put on sweatpants and a t-shirt and climbed into bed.
"Johanna?"
I turned my back on Gabriel and waited for what he would say next. He didn't say anything, just stared at the ceiling. The birds I had trapped in a cage were chirping in the corner of the room, Gabriel was silent but the hurt I had caused him was almost as loud as the banging of my heart against my rib cage.
Yes, we all have secrets, even ones we can't tell anyone else. And we all tell lies to protect those secrets...even if it means hurting the ones we love the most.
Love,
Johanna