EVEN KINGS CRY...

EVEN KINGS CRY...
March 19th, 2013
When I first opened my eyes in the morning I saw Johanna's wavy blonde hair. I
peered over her and saw that it was 10 AM. My sweet beloved was still dreaming
her wonderful dreams, living in a world where war is a foreign concept and death
is unacceptable. So I did the only thing I wanted to do: I put my arm around her
waist and cuddled closer to her. It seemed to me that the closer I physically
was to her, then the closer I could be to her dreams. Could I imagine such a
wonderful place? A place where death wasn't an option and neither was
immortality? No. It seems like the world is losing its humans. God is losing his
children and the Devil is running out of places to keep his new residents. If
you were to ask what the Cycle of Life is you would discover that the answer is
'People are born, they live, and then they die.' So the two powerful forces at
work are life and death. Life and death are created and controlled by God and
the Devil. Well, God can't keep his children alive forever and the Devil can't
keep all his in Hell forever....Then which one can promise forever?
A vampire.
I've reached the unfortunate conclusion that we now must start answering to a
power much higher than God, a power still unnamed. I would've believed that
power to be Kali were she not dead. The only other ancient vampire still
existing that I know of is Rodrick. But Rodrick isn't the take-over-the-world
kind of guy, he just likes to party and create excitement.
Which leaves me puzzling over the question of Who is this higher power?

I didn't have long to think about that before Johanna started to wake. She turns
over onto her side so she can look up at me. I smile at her and she falls back
asleep with her hand against my chest. My flesh tingled and warmed where her
fingertips touched. I could imagine her waking up and removing her hand. But
like a brand, her hand would have left a permanent mark on me, just to show the
world that I was lucky enough to find an angel that loved all for its truth.

I only got 20 more minutes to think about my question before she opens her eyes
again. I decided that if I could make her laugh then she would stay awake.
"Thank you." I say.
"For what?" She yawns.
"For not wearing a bra last night. Those things still puzzle me!" I laugh.
She snorts out laughter as well before pulling the sheet away from me and
wrapping it around her so she can walk into the bathroom. I took that
opportunity to put on sweat pants and a t-shirt.
"Let's watch a movie." She calls from the bathroom.
"Sure," I reply as she steps from the bathroom in a tight, long sleeved shirt
and pajama pants, "I'll get us some hot chocolate."
When I return into the living room carrying two giant mugs, Johanna has her legs
folded on top of the couch and the remote in her lap.

"'The moment of truth boys. Somebody's life's about to change.'" A dramatic
pause...what a brilliant actor! You know what's coming next but he makes you
think twice about it. Leonardo DiCaprio. I hand Johanna her hot chocolate and
she drinks from the mug, eyes never once leaving the screen, "'Let's see...,'"
He continues, "' Fabrizio's got niente. Olaf, you've got squat. Sven, uh oh...
two pair... mmm. Sorry Fabrizio.'"
"'What sorry? What you got? You lose my money?? Ma va fa'n culo testa di
cazzo--'" His friend curses.
"'Sorry, you're not gonna see your mama again for a long time...'" Leonardo
let's the tension lower by showing a full house, "' 'Cause you're goin' to
America!! Full house boys!'"
Fabrizio cheers and the Swedes are yelling angrily in swedish.
"'Sorry boys. Three of a kind and a pair. I'm high and you're dry and...'" Jack
Dawson looks to Fabrizio, "' ... we're going to--'"
"' L'AMERICA!!!'" They both cheer.

Johanna hits the fast forward button on the remote and the movie starts blurring
by in high speed.

"'I'm the king of the world!" Leonardo DiCaprio cheers while standing at the
front of the unsinkable ship.

"No. I am." I smile while pulling Johanna close to me and kissing her cheek, "As
long as you are at my side then I know I have more than any other king."
More fast forwarding. We're now watching the scene when Rose tries to jump ship
but Jack talks her out of it and helps her. Johanna gets this very serene look
on her face while watching this.

""Don't come any closer! I'll jump!'" She threatens.
"'No you won't.'" Jack says sure of himself.
"'Don't tell me what I will and will not do!'" She screams.
He holds his hands up in surrender.

"If I were going to jump off that ship and into the freezing cold water would
you jump in after me?" Johanna questions with her tranquil gaze staring ahead.
"No, I'd be in the water already." I reply sure of my answer.
There is a pause before she replies, "I'm not sure if I should be flattered or
angry that you have so little faith in my reasoning skills?"
"I love you. I wouldn't wait for you to jump first, I'd go first. I would be
down in the freezing cold water waiting to catch you if you decided that living
was that unbearable." I gave a short pause, "But there is an easier way to put
an end to that kind of miserable life." I hint at Johanna becoming a vampire.
She gives me a look like I have five heads!
And then says matter of factly, "The movie is more romantic."
I was dumbfounded as she returned her attention to the screen. The movie was
more romantic?! What can possibly be more romantic than living forever with the
person you love the most in the world? People ask to be loved for forever
everyday, that's all girls want, but now forever is less romantic? I wonder if
the entire female population feels the same way. I'll keep it in mind though:
Forever-bad, slow death in ice water-good.

Soon Johanna is leaping from the couch and putting a new movie in.
"But we didn't finish watching the Tita-"
"I only wanted to see certain parts." She laughs.
Next we are watching Arthur. The original one, not the remake with Russel Brand.
As funny as he is, the original is just better.

"'I'm going to see my father in two hours. Hobson, do you know what this calls
for?'" Dudley Moore jokes while splashing around in a giant bath tub with toys
everywhere.
"'A drink, sir.'" The butler replies.
"'Right on!'" Moore laughs while sipping a martini.

"You were like that as a human." Johanna states.
Oh god! Seriously! Is this day trying to be cruel to me?
"Yeah, but sometimes I wasn't as happy as him." I reply angrily.
Johanna nodded.
I decided that that wasn't the right answer, "I mean, yeah, but if I had met you
when I was human you would've been my Linda-"
She wasn't paying attention. I was trying to be sweet and romantic but it was
all epically failing.
Johanna starts laughing nervously, and that's when I thought that maybe she
wasn't okay.
"Sweetheart?" She looks at me, "Are you okay?"
Tears start falling from her eyes and she gets up to run away from me. I use my
speed to intercept her and I catch her in my arms. She pushes me away at first
but then collapses into my arms.
"If something is wrong we're going to talk about it. Whatever happened, I want
to know." She sobs against my chest.
And that's when I got the idea that it all might be because of last night.
"Are you upset because of last night?" I question.
She looks into my eyes before collapsing against my chest sobbing and
whispering, "It hurts." Over and over again.
I pick her up and lay her on top of the bed, caressing her cheek and making
soothing noises.
"Oh, Johanna, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
She brought her knees to her chest and turned away from me.
I obviously wasn't thinking last night. I wasn't considering how human and
fragile she is, I was just obsessed with my desire. I should have been more
gentle to her and we shouldn't have done it so much. Johanna always seemed so
strong and independent that it didn't seem like she was just human...I was
wrong. And because of me she is in pain.
"It won't hurt so much tomorrow, I promise." I repeat to her.
"I feel," She whispers, "like all my strength has gone. You opened my body and
all of my being drained out. I feel empty."
I hold her and stroke her hair.
I have to make this right, I just have to.
Rodrick's blood made me stronger, his blood is in me, my blood would make
Johanna stronger to.
I used my fang and pricked my finger. A tiny drop of red blood escaped my skin.
I held my finger to her lips.
"Will that make me a vampire?" She whispers.
"No." I reply. I was sad that she didn't want to be like me, but I wouldn't talk
about that with her now after what I've put her through.
She parts her lips and I slide my finger into her mouth. Her tongue sucks on the
tip of my finger, extracting the blood from my dead veins.
I let her keep sucking for five more minutes before I pull my finger back out.
The tiny pin prick on my finger closes, and so do Johanna's eyes. She fell
asleep and I escaped into the living room so she could rest in peace.
While my beauty slept, I read a little. I was reading a novel in russian when
she woke up. I could tell right away, as soon as I saw her, that she was feeling
better. My blood had been good for her.
Her tan skin seemed to glow, her golden hair seemed softer, her green eyes held
more depth and determination, her smile was filled with excitment, her stance
was filled with power.
"How are you?" I ask while closing the book.
She runs over to me and jumps on top of my lap.
"I'm great!" She practically yells, "I feel wonderful! That bit of sleep really
did me some good!"
This is curious; so she doesn't remember having a few drops of my blood.
"Oh my god," She starts while pushing her hair out of her face, "we should so go
skiing now!"
"Well-"
"Come on, let's go!" She pulls me out of my chair, throws a hat over my head,
grabs our coats and pulls me out the door.
"Let's go, let's go, let's go!" This is very weird...she's so hyper that she's
practically vibrating!
She snaps her skiis on and before I can even get my feet on my board, she's
already racing down the mountain.
As I race after her, I'm thinking that I'm glad she isn't in pain any longer,
that I should tell her why she isn't, and that she's even more dangerous when
hyped up on vampire blood.
It took me three times down the mountain before I actually caught up with her,
she was flying down as fast as a bullet and she was screaming her excitement. I
kept up with her until it was about 7 when I told her to stop and we should get
something to eat. She agreed, still all hyper, and rode the ski lift to the top
with me. She ran into the house to get dressed and I had to use my vampire speed
to keep up with her.
"Johanna! Wait up!" I call while running out the front door and pulling my
jacket on.
She jumped onto the ski lift to ride it down which left me to sit all alone
behind her. This wasn't satisfying enough so I stood up on the chair and jumped.
I grabbed onto the back of Johanna's chair.
"Cool!" She shouts while turning her head to look at me. I throw my leg over and
sit next to her.
"Johanna, we need to talk-"
"Can I do that too?!?" She tries to stand up but I pull her back down.
"Hun, I gave you my blood! You feel this way and are acting like this because of
the vampire blood! Can you understand that?" Before she replies, I continue,
"You were in so much pain from when we had sex last night that I felt horrible
and I had to do something to make you feel better. I didn't know my blood would
effect you like this!"
She blinks her large green eyes, "Did you know life is only worth living if you
live without fear?" She asks.
"Fear is a part of life." I reply flatly.
Her tone returns to normal, she is no longer so hyper, "Exactly. I was afraid, I
felt different. All my life I was this girl who was different from the rest and
un-afraid of anything...and then you took that away from me last night. I wanted
to be with you but it made me feel like I was giving up, it made me feel like
everything I once stood for had been taken away in a second and left me with
nothing...not a single clue of who I am."
I listened to all that she was saying.
"But when I had your blood, I felt what being with me did to you. You felt
complete, you felt alive, you felt more sure of me than anything else in the
entire world." The look in her eyes was sincere and filled with wonder, "If I
made you feel like that, then I realized that you didn't take something away
from me...you added. You added yourself."
I cupped her cheek, "You were and forever will be a part of me. I love you and
would do anything to keep you from harm."
"And you know I would do the same for you. I'm only strong now because you
believe I am. In fact, your belief is a magical thing. Your passion, along with
it, can change the beliefs of others. Its one of the things I love about you."
I kiss her cheeks, her forehead, and the tip of her nose, "Then let's show the
town what I love about you."
Johanna was more than excited when we jumped off the ski lift and I ran us into
the town. We went to a restauraunt and sampled native foods and then dancing
(yes, I went dancing). We had a marvelous time and didn't get home until
midnight. When we did, the lights in the house wouldn't work, I went into the
basement to see if a fuse had blown (if it did, I wouldn't have known. I know
nothing of mechanics!) When I returned to the upstairs, my superior vision let
me see rose petals on the floor leading down the hall and into the bedroom. I
followed these petals while removing my clothes, one piece at a time.
The room was all lit up with candles which added a pink hue to the room. The
petals continued into the bathroom which I entered after shedding my final layer
of clothing.
The shower was running and the hot water had the doors and mirror fogged up.
"Mmmm-mmmmmm-mmm-mmm-mmm," Johanna was humming. From behind the fogged doors I
could make out the outline of her body, all the curves that I knew so well.
I flicked the light switch on the wall which plunged the bathroom into darkness.
A few lit candles rested on the countertop which made the room seem smaller than
it actually was. I slowly opened the glass shower door and stepped inside.
Johanna didn't move, she continued humming and bathing in the heat of the water.
I took the washcloth and soap from the wall and began washing her back. She
shivered at the difference from the extreme heat and the extreme cool of my
hands. The soap ran from her body to mine as I dragged the cloth over my front
and then along her spine. I put soap in my hands and ran them down her arms. As
I dragged the soapy cloth over her breasts, she washed my forearms and biceps.
By the way her body shivered and tensed, I could tell she was smiling and
excited by my touch.
Johanna's blonde hair was longer and weighed down by the weight of the water as
it clung to her back.
She began pulling her hair over her left shoulder and I helped her push it out
of the way while kissing her arms and shoulder, trailing precise kisses along
her neck and jaw line, until she turned her head to the right and her mouth
found mine.
I love you, we whispered into each others mouths until there was no room left
for more words and we would have to break apart for a second. In that one
second, the bathroom exploded with a chorus of 'I love you's. After the final
note of the orchestra reaches the ceiling, we begin writing a new song to each
other. Johanna turns her body and let's me press mine against hers.
I spoke to her.
"What?" She breathed while halting our kiss.
I pressed my palms against the tile of the shower and hung my head. I laughed a
little, I realized that my excitement and passion had me speaking in russian.
"Are you sure you would like to do this again?" I ask her, this time in english.
Her reply is turning the water off, opening the door, and trailing water into
the bedroom.
I follow after her, pick her up into my arms, and toss her into the un-made bed
amongst all the pillows.
"I'll never be more sure of anything in my life." She says in her normal voice.
This time, I'm sure that she means it.

Forget the term 'sex'. What Johanna and I just did can only be called 'making
love'. We rode each other hard at first, then soft.
'Where land meets water is the shore. And that's where my heart is.'
That saying is true. I'm comparable to land, forever un-changing, and Johanna is
water, reckless, tameless. When we met each other, we were brought to a place unlike any other! It was a
place where nothing and everything both existed. A place where we are but aren't
at the same time. We were at the shore. Wandering down it together, not quite
touching the waves but not free from their spray either. We wandered through the
sand, hand in hand, down an empty beach. Our Place seemed like the shore in the
early morning, a fog is over the water and it looks like it has rained but not
poured. And like the second half of that phrase, my heart truly does belong at
the shore, to my other half.
Johanna lay asleep against my chest while I lay smiling, un-tired, gazing up at
the ceiling and pretending I could see the stars. My fingers danced lightly
across Johanna's back.
I was happy, truly happy, for the first time in centuries. My happiness brought
me high up into the sky to let me rest in the clouds. Johanna was lounging in
the whiteness waiting for me, we both lay down and fed each other red grapes.
Small angels with beautiful faces flew around us and bells were ringing.
My fantasy was interrupted by the shrill, digital ringing of a phone. I was
pulled back to earth, I darted out of the bed and answered the phone on the
first ring so it wouldn't wake Johanna. The small screen read JORDAN, and I was
amazed that the cell phone had service up here in the mountains.
I raise the phone to my ear, "Hello?"
At first there is nothing, no sound, nothing. I look at the screen but it says
that the call is still connected.
"Jordan? Are you there?" I ask with worry in my voice.
The silence is interrupted by choked sobs and sounds that make me think Jordan
is having a hard time breathing.
There is only one thing that would have Jordan this upset, I started to think to
myself.
The sobs continued, one word was all I understood, one word was all it took for
my happiness to end, one word was all that I heard in my mind, "-Sophia-"
That one word was all it took.
Everything seemed to move in slow motion. I stood dumbfounded with the phone
still in my hand. Blood started leaking from the corner of my eye and down my
face.
My niece-.
She is-.
She cant-.
Time rushes forward again. I drop the phone to the floor and grab the first pair
of jeans and shirt that my fingers touch. I run through the house to pull my
shoes on.
I take one second to look at Johanna in the bed. The sheet is tangled around her
leg and her arm is flung outward while her other hand rests over her heart. I
couldn't wake her, but I couldn't wait for her to wake. I left $1,000 in cash
for her to get home, on the bedside table and then ran out of our cabin. I ran
down the mountain, I ran through the town, I ran over the hills and through the
forests. Blood continued leaking from my eyes while horrible 'what ifs' and
images filled my mind.
I should have been there for her!
I shouldn't have left her!
Its all my fault.
I should have saved her!
I left her when she needed me the most...
-Gabriel