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AS THICK AS THIEVES... (Johanna's POV)
March 8th, 2013
Dear diary,
I woke up to the sound of some heavy metal music. It might have been the most unpleasant experience ever!
But it wasn't always that way:
When we were still in high school, my brother moved out of the house because my parents didn't like what he was getting himself into. Ryder got himself an apartment that wasn't close enough for me. I missed my bro way too much! So one morning, as I was late for school, I told my parents that I was going to move in with him. They were devastated! But they couldn't just kick MY BROTHER out! I loved him despite the messed up things he was getting into.
We lived together for about 6months before my parents decided they would rather him be home so when he does show up at 9 o'clock in the morning, or 4 am, they at least know he's safe.
During those 6 months, I would wake up every morning to the sound of heavy metal music or a guitar shredding up the track. I loved it then, I was used to it. It still woke me up at odd hours, but Ryder slept through it all.
"'They're gonna clean up your looks
With all the lies in the books
To make a citizen out of you
Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you, son
So they can watch all the things you do
Because the drugs never work
They're gonna give you a smirk
Cause they got methods
Of keeping you clean
They're gonna rip up your heads
Your aspirations to shreds
Another cog in the murder machine,'"
Ryder is lying face down on the couch with an ice pack on his ass.
"Do you remember this, Jo?" He asks. I do remember, good times.
"'They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me
The boys and girls in the clique
The awful names that they stick
You're never gonna fit in much kid
But if you're troubled and hurt
What you got under your shirt
Will make them pay for the things that they did,'" we start rocking out to the song.
"'Teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me'"
I grab Ryder another ice pack and hand it to him.
"This goes to show you that the butt is not made to handle tattoos."
"Yeah well, it wasn't my best idea."
"Dude! Were you smoking inside the house?"
He yawns and stretches his arms, "Possibly."
I open all the windows, the smell is horrendous! And he laughs at my reaction.
"Wait a second, were you drinking? Breathe." I command.
"God, Johanna! Can't I have a peaceful vacation without people riding on my case?!"
"Its 9 o'clock in the morning!" I say back.
"Yeah but its like 4 o'clock in Saudi Arabia. Or something like that."
The song had ended. I was in a bad mood.
"Where is everybody?" I ask while pouring us cereal.
"A nature hike or something. I don't know and don't care." He accepts his cereal and I push his legs out of my way so I can sit.
When he finishes his cereal he starts tapping the spoon to the bowl, I do the same.
We looked at each other, had the same thought, ran off the couch, up the stairs, to our rooms and then came back.
We had on our aviator sunglasses and I pretended to be shredding a guitar.
"'I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses'" Ryder sings.
"'Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades,
I gotta wear shades
I've got a job waiting for my graduation
Fifty thou a year -- buys a lot of beer
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I gotta wear shades
Well I'm heavenly blessed and worldly wise
I'm a peeping-tom techie with x-ray eyes
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I gotta wear shades '" I shred up the non existent guitar and my brother does some weird rockstar moves.
We finish our song and Ryder throws his fist into the air and says, "Thank you Ireland! I'll be here through the wedding!"
Ryder runs off into the closet and comes back with Gabriel's leather duster on.
"Okay, who am I?" He walks forward a little.
"Gabriel." I say matter of factly.
"No! Judd Nelson in Breakfast Club."
" You forgot the fist pump at the end."
We fist pump together and hysterical laugh.
Ryder then goes into the kitchen and pulls out all the pots and pans and hands me a pair of wooden spoons and he pulls a pair out of his pocket. We start jamming on the pasta pots and brownie pans like we were 6 years old and no one was watching. I swear, this is the most fun I've had in forever!
Then we hear the door open and Jordan walks in with Sophia.
I notice right away and drop my spoons, but Ryder didn't notice until I kicked him.
"Where is everyone? Who is he?" She asks worried.
I give Sophia a hug and reply, "He's my brother. Jordan this is Ryder. Ryder, Jordan."
"Nice to meet you," he says.
"And I'm Sophia!" Her clear little voice rings out.
"Of course! How could I forget about you, cutie?"
She taps Ryder on the shoulder, "Can I play too, Mister?"
"He-" Jordan glares at him, "Heck. Heck yeah you can!"
He hands her the spoons that were mine and they sit there like little kids jamming out.
"I had no idea your brother was coming." She says to me.
"I didn't either! Actually my parents and sister are here too. I know its bad timing, Jordan, but they're here for the wedding and..yeah."
"Well, I just wish I at least knew about it."
"I know. I forgot all about it, they showed up for my graduation and all, I'm sorry. But this won't stop helping Sophia to prepare until the actual day of the wedding when I need her to be the flower girl."
"That's fine. But like I said, I wish I had known."
We talk a little more with Jordan's eyes never once leaving Ryder and Sophia.
"Is there something wrong with him?" She finally asks.
"No, he's just naturally like that."
"Was he always?"
"No. It got worse in our teenage years."
"Well, please tell me he's not certifiable, please?"
"He's not."
"Thank god! I would've had a stroke!"
I laugh and then watch my brother sitting on the floor banging pots and pans with little Sophia.
Jordan and I talk about the wedding for a while. Am I excited? Yes. Nervous? Not at all. Ready? I guess.
"Jo, I have to go out. But I'll be back soon."
"Where are you going? You don't know anybody or anyplace here?" I argue.
"I'm on a vacation. Get off my case, Johanna."
He closes the door and we hear the motorcycle pull out of the driveway.
"He's a very interesting person." Jordan comments.
"He's funny." Sophia smiles.
The door opens and Gabriel is standing there with the rest of the family close behind.
They all walk back inside and ask why all the pots and pans are on the floor.
"Goodmorning, mom. Goodmorning, dad." I say, crossing the floor to give them hugs.
"Uh, well, Ryder and I were pretending we were drumers and then Jordan and Sophia showed up so I gave my spoons to Sophia so she and Ryder could play."
My mom starts saying how Ryder and I used to do that all the time when we were kids and even when we were teenagers.
Throughout all of this, Gabriel can't take his eyes off me. He doesn't even say anything to me. And that hurts a lot. I usually don't need him to say anything to me, I just know how he feels and that he loves me. But his eyes seem empty, lost and I don't know what he's feeling, if he loves me, anymore. He just stares at me, as if he's waiting for an explanation, or an apology.
The apology he wants is one I can't, and won't, give. What do I have to be sorry about? The fact that I'm alive?! The fact that I'm happy being insane with my brother?! The fact that I missed him so much and that I won't see him much anymore?!
Unless- unless Gabriel is jealous? Ryder and I have so many inside jokes and so many stories. But even stronger than that is Ryder and I have a strong past that involved long nights talking, sneeking out, partying and being together since birth. The strongest part of Gabriel's and my past is death. There is also that love that we have but it was instant, there was hardly much behind it at first.
Ryder has life to live and Gabriel doesn't.
Gabriel refuses to live the life he could, the life that Ryder and I live.
10 days until the wedding.
-Johanna
March 8th, 2013
Dear diary,
I woke up to the sound of some heavy metal music. It might have been the most unpleasant experience ever!
But it wasn't always that way:
When we were still in high school, my brother moved out of the house because my parents didn't like what he was getting himself into. Ryder got himself an apartment that wasn't close enough for me. I missed my bro way too much! So one morning, as I was late for school, I told my parents that I was going to move in with him. They were devastated! But they couldn't just kick MY BROTHER out! I loved him despite the messed up things he was getting into.
We lived together for about 6months before my parents decided they would rather him be home so when he does show up at 9 o'clock in the morning, or 4 am, they at least know he's safe.
During those 6 months, I would wake up every morning to the sound of heavy metal music or a guitar shredding up the track. I loved it then, I was used to it. It still woke me up at odd hours, but Ryder slept through it all.
"'They're gonna clean up your looks
With all the lies in the books
To make a citizen out of you
Because they sleep with a gun
And keep an eye on you, son
So they can watch all the things you do
Because the drugs never work
They're gonna give you a smirk
Cause they got methods
Of keeping you clean
They're gonna rip up your heads
Your aspirations to shreds
Another cog in the murder machine,'"
Ryder is lying face down on the couch with an ice pack on his ass.
"Do you remember this, Jo?" He asks. I do remember, good times.
"'They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me
The boys and girls in the clique
The awful names that they stick
You're never gonna fit in much kid
But if you're troubled and hurt
What you got under your shirt
Will make them pay for the things that they did,'" we start rocking out to the song.
"'Teenagers scare the living shit out of me
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed
So darken your clothes
Or strike a violent pose
Maybe they'll leave you alone
But not me'"
I grab Ryder another ice pack and hand it to him.
"This goes to show you that the butt is not made to handle tattoos."
"Yeah well, it wasn't my best idea."
"Dude! Were you smoking inside the house?"
He yawns and stretches his arms, "Possibly."
I open all the windows, the smell is horrendous! And he laughs at my reaction.
"Wait a second, were you drinking? Breathe." I command.
"God, Johanna! Can't I have a peaceful vacation without people riding on my case?!"
"Its 9 o'clock in the morning!" I say back.
"Yeah but its like 4 o'clock in Saudi Arabia. Or something like that."
The song had ended. I was in a bad mood.
"Where is everybody?" I ask while pouring us cereal.
"A nature hike or something. I don't know and don't care." He accepts his cereal and I push his legs out of my way so I can sit.
When he finishes his cereal he starts tapping the spoon to the bowl, I do the same.
We looked at each other, had the same thought, ran off the couch, up the stairs, to our rooms and then came back.
We had on our aviator sunglasses and I pretended to be shredding a guitar.
"'I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses'" Ryder sings.
"'Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades,
I gotta wear shades
I've got a job waiting for my graduation
Fifty thou a year -- buys a lot of beer
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I gotta wear shades
Well I'm heavenly blessed and worldly wise
I'm a peeping-tom techie with x-ray eyes
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I gotta wear shades '" I shred up the non existent guitar and my brother does some weird rockstar moves.
We finish our song and Ryder throws his fist into the air and says, "Thank you Ireland! I'll be here through the wedding!"
Ryder runs off into the closet and comes back with Gabriel's leather duster on.
"Okay, who am I?" He walks forward a little.
"Gabriel." I say matter of factly.
"No! Judd Nelson in Breakfast Club."
" You forgot the fist pump at the end."
We fist pump together and hysterical laugh.
Ryder then goes into the kitchen and pulls out all the pots and pans and hands me a pair of wooden spoons and he pulls a pair out of his pocket. We start jamming on the pasta pots and brownie pans like we were 6 years old and no one was watching. I swear, this is the most fun I've had in forever!
Then we hear the door open and Jordan walks in with Sophia.
I notice right away and drop my spoons, but Ryder didn't notice until I kicked him.
"Where is everyone? Who is he?" She asks worried.
I give Sophia a hug and reply, "He's my brother. Jordan this is Ryder. Ryder, Jordan."
"Nice to meet you," he says.
"And I'm Sophia!" Her clear little voice rings out.
"Of course! How could I forget about you, cutie?"
She taps Ryder on the shoulder, "Can I play too, Mister?"
"He-" Jordan glares at him, "Heck. Heck yeah you can!"
He hands her the spoons that were mine and they sit there like little kids jamming out.
"I had no idea your brother was coming." She says to me.
"I didn't either! Actually my parents and sister are here too. I know its bad timing, Jordan, but they're here for the wedding and..yeah."
"Well, I just wish I at least knew about it."
"I know. I forgot all about it, they showed up for my graduation and all, I'm sorry. But this won't stop helping Sophia to prepare until the actual day of the wedding when I need her to be the flower girl."
"That's fine. But like I said, I wish I had known."
We talk a little more with Jordan's eyes never once leaving Ryder and Sophia.
"Is there something wrong with him?" She finally asks.
"No, he's just naturally like that."
"Was he always?"
"No. It got worse in our teenage years."
"Well, please tell me he's not certifiable, please?"
"He's not."
"Thank god! I would've had a stroke!"
I laugh and then watch my brother sitting on the floor banging pots and pans with little Sophia.
Jordan and I talk about the wedding for a while. Am I excited? Yes. Nervous? Not at all. Ready? I guess.
"Jo, I have to go out. But I'll be back soon."
"Where are you going? You don't know anybody or anyplace here?" I argue.
"I'm on a vacation. Get off my case, Johanna."
He closes the door and we hear the motorcycle pull out of the driveway.
"He's a very interesting person." Jordan comments.
"He's funny." Sophia smiles.
The door opens and Gabriel is standing there with the rest of the family close behind.
They all walk back inside and ask why all the pots and pans are on the floor.
"Goodmorning, mom. Goodmorning, dad." I say, crossing the floor to give them hugs.
"Uh, well, Ryder and I were pretending we were drumers and then Jordan and Sophia showed up so I gave my spoons to Sophia so she and Ryder could play."
My mom starts saying how Ryder and I used to do that all the time when we were kids and even when we were teenagers.
Throughout all of this, Gabriel can't take his eyes off me. He doesn't even say anything to me. And that hurts a lot. I usually don't need him to say anything to me, I just know how he feels and that he loves me. But his eyes seem empty, lost and I don't know what he's feeling, if he loves me, anymore. He just stares at me, as if he's waiting for an explanation, or an apology.
The apology he wants is one I can't, and won't, give. What do I have to be sorry about? The fact that I'm alive?! The fact that I'm happy being insane with my brother?! The fact that I missed him so much and that I won't see him much anymore?!
Unless- unless Gabriel is jealous? Ryder and I have so many inside jokes and so many stories. But even stronger than that is Ryder and I have a strong past that involved long nights talking, sneeking out, partying and being together since birth. The strongest part of Gabriel's and my past is death. There is also that love that we have but it was instant, there was hardly much behind it at first.
Ryder has life to live and Gabriel doesn't.
Gabriel refuses to live the life he could, the life that Ryder and I live.
10 days until the wedding.
-Johanna