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DYING...
June 24th, 2011
I never thought it would be this hard to quit...I hadn't even started really. But here I was, standing in the corner remembering the way I felt and wanting to feel that way again. It was something I had never really experienced, yet at the same time I felt as if I had known that feeling all my life. I stand away from the others, watching. Always watching. And waiting. Waiting until my opportunity arrives. The opportunity when I can feel that warmth again, when I can hear those drums, that voice...
"Gabriel?"
"Hmmm?" I reply distracted. I've had a hard time concentrating lately.
"Do you want to feed her?" Jordan asks me.
I was still at her house. I hadn't been able to leave. It didn't feel right. I was...connected.
I look at the sleeping child in one arm and the bottle in the other hand.
"No." Then I turn and walk out the back doors.
The breeze filled my nose and so did the scents that rode with it. The beach not too far away. The rain on the leaves in the forest. It pushed my hair off my shoulders as I leaned against the wall and inhaled deeply.
"Its not getting easier." Josh says.
I was so distracted I hadn't even noticed him sitting next to me.
"He said it would."
He. Rhoan.
"No," I agreed, "Its not."
Josh and I sat there. Waiting. Watching. I should say that we were thinking of the family, of friends. But that would be a lie. At least, for me it would be. All I could think about were those drums. The deep, seductive, sinful, rich, intoxicating voice. The fire. A crescent moon and flames.
I don't know how long I sat there. It could have been weeks for all I knew...or cared really. But finally I did go inside. Jordan was there with Sophia. And Josh was in the chair across from her. I don't think he was back to normal yet either. He looked sorta tired.
I didn't sit, I was too fidgety. Really, I couldn't even stand still for a minute.
"What's up?" Jordan asks me.
'The sky' I wanted to say. Hah! I'm such a funny person.
"Nothing." I said instead.
I looked at Josh, he looked at me. We both felt the same way.
"So I take it you guys aren't back to normal yet?" She replied sadly.
"What is 'normal', really? Existing? Brooding? Killing? Enlighten me, Jordan." I felt anger again.
"I'm so glad you've seen it fit to indulge us with your voice." She says in an acidy tone, her tone lightens though, "its the first time you've spoken more than one word at once."
But I could've cared less what she said, Rhoan had entered the room. My eyes were fixated on the fabric covering his wrist. Why was he covering those beautiful marks? The fire seemed to call to me through the cotton fabric. I would have gone to them had the baby not let out a shrill cry.
The fog lifted from my brain and I ran over to her wanting to comfort her. I tickled her legs and smiled at her until she was quiet again. Darkness covered me again. I heard those drums in my head, and that voice.
"Gabriel, Gabriel, Gabriel. Give in to temptation. Let sin cover and caress you," It said.
I turned my head slightly to the right, Rhoan's wrist was right next to me. He was trying to comfort the infant that was crying a minute ago. The fiery crescent moon peeked out from his sleeve.
"Gabriel, no!" Rhoan yelled as he tried to back away.
I hardly heard him though, the drums were loud. So loud.
I leapt and had him pinned to the wall with his wrists above his head, the designs facing outward.
I traced my thumb along the edge of the crescent, the lines seemed to get deeper and wider.
"'Let sin cover and caress you'" I repeat out loud, "I will. I want to."
Again, I traced the desirable sign on Rhoan's tanned flesh.
"Gabriel, don't." There was sweat on Rhoan's brow as he growled the words.
I laughed. I could do anything I want, after all, I was a vampire. Who was he to tell me what I can't do? I leaned close to him and gave a sickly sweet smile.
"Are you going to stop me?" This was all a joke. Life was a joke.
"Yes." His jaw was set.
"I'd like to see you try." I said with a devils smile as I tilted my head to his neck. My fangs slid down and I had only pierced his skin when I felt a burning sensation on my neck. I backed away rather quickly, causing a jagged rip in Rhoan's neck.
I put my hand to my neck but felt nothing.
Rhoan held out his palm and blew into it. Silvery powder fluttered towards me. As soon as it touched my bare skin, I felt like I was on fire. I tried to get it out of my eyes and off of me but it did no good.
"That's me stopping you, in case you can't tell." Rhoan said in a snide remark, "Pure angels dust. It counteracts the demon inside us."
My eyes itched and burned as I lifted my gaze to him. Fangs still out in a snarl and eyes red with hunger I must have been a sight.
I lunged at his wrist, I could see his vein pulsating just under the crescent, but he lifted his other hand and blew another pile of dust in my face. This time, it got in my mouth and I started choking. I swear, it was the most awful experience of my entire existence. I kept choking and choking. Since I couldn't die for good I kind of started dying and then I would be okay then I would die again. It was Hell. Through all the pain and fire, I finally gathered enough sense to remember that I could shape shift. I took my human form and immediately passed out.
-Gabriel
June 24th, 2011
I never thought it would be this hard to quit...I hadn't even started really. But here I was, standing in the corner remembering the way I felt and wanting to feel that way again. It was something I had never really experienced, yet at the same time I felt as if I had known that feeling all my life. I stand away from the others, watching. Always watching. And waiting. Waiting until my opportunity arrives. The opportunity when I can feel that warmth again, when I can hear those drums, that voice...
"Gabriel?"
"Hmmm?" I reply distracted. I've had a hard time concentrating lately.
"Do you want to feed her?" Jordan asks me.
I was still at her house. I hadn't been able to leave. It didn't feel right. I was...connected.
I look at the sleeping child in one arm and the bottle in the other hand.
"No." Then I turn and walk out the back doors.
The breeze filled my nose and so did the scents that rode with it. The beach not too far away. The rain on the leaves in the forest. It pushed my hair off my shoulders as I leaned against the wall and inhaled deeply.
"Its not getting easier." Josh says.
I was so distracted I hadn't even noticed him sitting next to me.
"He said it would."
He. Rhoan.
"No," I agreed, "Its not."
Josh and I sat there. Waiting. Watching. I should say that we were thinking of the family, of friends. But that would be a lie. At least, for me it would be. All I could think about were those drums. The deep, seductive, sinful, rich, intoxicating voice. The fire. A crescent moon and flames.
I don't know how long I sat there. It could have been weeks for all I knew...or cared really. But finally I did go inside. Jordan was there with Sophia. And Josh was in the chair across from her. I don't think he was back to normal yet either. He looked sorta tired.
I didn't sit, I was too fidgety. Really, I couldn't even stand still for a minute.
"What's up?" Jordan asks me.
'The sky' I wanted to say. Hah! I'm such a funny person.
"Nothing." I said instead.
I looked at Josh, he looked at me. We both felt the same way.
"So I take it you guys aren't back to normal yet?" She replied sadly.
"What is 'normal', really? Existing? Brooding? Killing? Enlighten me, Jordan." I felt anger again.
"I'm so glad you've seen it fit to indulge us with your voice." She says in an acidy tone, her tone lightens though, "its the first time you've spoken more than one word at once."
But I could've cared less what she said, Rhoan had entered the room. My eyes were fixated on the fabric covering his wrist. Why was he covering those beautiful marks? The fire seemed to call to me through the cotton fabric. I would have gone to them had the baby not let out a shrill cry.
The fog lifted from my brain and I ran over to her wanting to comfort her. I tickled her legs and smiled at her until she was quiet again. Darkness covered me again. I heard those drums in my head, and that voice.
"Gabriel, Gabriel, Gabriel. Give in to temptation. Let sin cover and caress you," It said.
I turned my head slightly to the right, Rhoan's wrist was right next to me. He was trying to comfort the infant that was crying a minute ago. The fiery crescent moon peeked out from his sleeve.
"Gabriel, no!" Rhoan yelled as he tried to back away.
I hardly heard him though, the drums were loud. So loud.
I leapt and had him pinned to the wall with his wrists above his head, the designs facing outward.
I traced my thumb along the edge of the crescent, the lines seemed to get deeper and wider.
"'Let sin cover and caress you'" I repeat out loud, "I will. I want to."
Again, I traced the desirable sign on Rhoan's tanned flesh.
"Gabriel, don't." There was sweat on Rhoan's brow as he growled the words.
I laughed. I could do anything I want, after all, I was a vampire. Who was he to tell me what I can't do? I leaned close to him and gave a sickly sweet smile.
"Are you going to stop me?" This was all a joke. Life was a joke.
"Yes." His jaw was set.
"I'd like to see you try." I said with a devils smile as I tilted my head to his neck. My fangs slid down and I had only pierced his skin when I felt a burning sensation on my neck. I backed away rather quickly, causing a jagged rip in Rhoan's neck.
I put my hand to my neck but felt nothing.
Rhoan held out his palm and blew into it. Silvery powder fluttered towards me. As soon as it touched my bare skin, I felt like I was on fire. I tried to get it out of my eyes and off of me but it did no good.
"That's me stopping you, in case you can't tell." Rhoan said in a snide remark, "Pure angels dust. It counteracts the demon inside us."
My eyes itched and burned as I lifted my gaze to him. Fangs still out in a snarl and eyes red with hunger I must have been a sight.
I lunged at his wrist, I could see his vein pulsating just under the crescent, but he lifted his other hand and blew another pile of dust in my face. This time, it got in my mouth and I started choking. I swear, it was the most awful experience of my entire existence. I kept choking and choking. Since I couldn't die for good I kind of started dying and then I would be okay then I would die again. It was Hell. Through all the pain and fire, I finally gathered enough sense to remember that I could shape shift. I took my human form and immediately passed out.
-Gabriel