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WHAT HAPPENED?
April 25th, 2011
I haven't done much for the last few days. I took my sweet time getting home, stopping in a country here or a town there. Everyone was worried about me when I got home. I ignored them mostly and went up to my room. Oh, did I say they were worried about me? Well, I meant they were worried about Johanna! They accused me of eating her and when I made sure they believed I didn't, I was then accused of being so mean that she had no choice but to leave. I denied that as well. She had her own mind made up to leave. But it was also a choice that she could have come back! I should have known that she didn't love me. All the signs were there! She didn't let me hold her, she didn't go out of her way to include me, she never spent one-on-one time with me....I should have known. So here I am now, sitting on the porch watching the sun go below the horizon. The brilliant oranges and reds that light up the sky just before the sun dips below the horizon. Its sad really, another day has passed, another day without Johanna.
I hear Faine opening the door behind me.
"She had a choice." I say, "You know that, right? I didn't drive her away."
"What happened?" She asks sitting down next to me.
"Jane." That one name has shivers creeping up both of our spines. I let Faine into my mind so she can hear Johanna's story and see her face.
"Wow. That's scary. That's horrifying actually. But you brought them back for her! You made them alive again!"
"That means nothing. I killed them in the first place."
We say nothing for a while. Faine wonders what to say to me and I wonder what will happen in the near future. I don't want to imagine a life without her, but I am fearing that I might have to.
"Why do you think she left?" I ask blankly. I have no emotion in my voice, I don't know what to feel.
"Because she's so alive."
I let her answer sink in. Johanna jumped off that cliff because she thinks that's what living people usually do. She helps build houses in the rain because people "always do that". She sleeps outside, in the cold, under the stars because "why not? The stars are there for our pleasure, so why not let them be the last creation you see before you fall asleep?"
I reach the conclusion that Faine might be right. But, Johanna can't be normal. No normal person acts like she does.
"She can't be normal, then." I say, "No humans do the things that she does. She looks fear in the face and laughs, she looks beauty in the eye and worships it, she follows mother nature into the heart of a storm and thinks she is on an island paradise. That can't be normal."
"Some humans see things differently from others. And so do some vampires." She looks at me, "I know you don't want to hear that she left because of how alive she is, but that's why. She wants to live in the world and change with it, not hold onto the past and live in the dark."
I've had enough of Faine's speeches. I stand up and stare at the moon. I feel its light running deep in me and feel the power of the dark ebbing around me.
"Alive. Yeah right. I'm done with this. I'm done with her." Before she can respond, I am running far away.
Faine may think that I sounded cruel and harsh, but she doesn't know how hurt I am deep down. I've lost Johanna so many times already! And to feel this final cut is like dying again. Johanna won't come back. I mean, why would she? I don't do anything to make her feel exactly welcome and I don't do anything to show her I can be the man she wants.
So I guess this is goodbye, forever, I'll never go looking for her as long as I live.
The thought hits me hard and I trip over my own feet. I tumble into the middle of a road and lie there for a while. The town seems deserted. Everyone is home, asleep in their beds. I gaze at the stars and feel myself wondering if Johanna was looking at them as well. Do we even see the same stars? Well, Johanna and I never saw things the same way. I see hundreds of flecks of light (the stars) and she sees "life".
All the sudden, my vampire body feels too constricted, I change into my human self and breathe in the cool night air. It burns my throat and lungs on the way in. And finally, tears drip from my eyes. I hate to admit it, but yes, I was crying. They were silent tears! I wasn't sobbing like a child. About an hour later, I stopped. My eyes were sore when I touched them and as I stood up, I felt how cold it truly was. I shoved my hands in my pockets and wished I had worn my leather jacket. I did the only thing I could think of: I started walking. I was just going to follow the road until- until...well, for however long I wanted. Maybe I would keep walking forever. That seemed nice, to walk through the world as it changes but not even noticing. But-ah! What a thought I just had! A wonderful thought it is! Could I die? After all, I was currently human... and humans can die...so couldn't I die now? You know, that isn't even the real question. The real question is: Would I stay dead?
I considered this for a long while as I walked on. I was just about to look down and turn back around but I saw a glow coming over the horizon.
Surely that can't be the sun already?
Well, me being who I am, I decided I wanted to know what that was. I kept walking towards it, pushing all other thoughts into the back of my mind. The glow took on a red haze and then purple then blue. The colors were changing constantly. Even though I was still a good many miles away, I heard music blaring. And I wondered how a place could be that loud and not bother the humans? I also began to wonder what I was walking into.
-Gabriel
April 25th, 2011
I haven't done much for the last few days. I took my sweet time getting home, stopping in a country here or a town there. Everyone was worried about me when I got home. I ignored them mostly and went up to my room. Oh, did I say they were worried about me? Well, I meant they were worried about Johanna! They accused me of eating her and when I made sure they believed I didn't, I was then accused of being so mean that she had no choice but to leave. I denied that as well. She had her own mind made up to leave. But it was also a choice that she could have come back! I should have known that she didn't love me. All the signs were there! She didn't let me hold her, she didn't go out of her way to include me, she never spent one-on-one time with me....I should have known. So here I am now, sitting on the porch watching the sun go below the horizon. The brilliant oranges and reds that light up the sky just before the sun dips below the horizon. Its sad really, another day has passed, another day without Johanna.
I hear Faine opening the door behind me.
"She had a choice." I say, "You know that, right? I didn't drive her away."
"What happened?" She asks sitting down next to me.
"Jane." That one name has shivers creeping up both of our spines. I let Faine into my mind so she can hear Johanna's story and see her face.
"Wow. That's scary. That's horrifying actually. But you brought them back for her! You made them alive again!"
"That means nothing. I killed them in the first place."
We say nothing for a while. Faine wonders what to say to me and I wonder what will happen in the near future. I don't want to imagine a life without her, but I am fearing that I might have to.
"Why do you think she left?" I ask blankly. I have no emotion in my voice, I don't know what to feel.
"Because she's so alive."
I let her answer sink in. Johanna jumped off that cliff because she thinks that's what living people usually do. She helps build houses in the rain because people "always do that". She sleeps outside, in the cold, under the stars because "why not? The stars are there for our pleasure, so why not let them be the last creation you see before you fall asleep?"
I reach the conclusion that Faine might be right. But, Johanna can't be normal. No normal person acts like she does.
"She can't be normal, then." I say, "No humans do the things that she does. She looks fear in the face and laughs, she looks beauty in the eye and worships it, she follows mother nature into the heart of a storm and thinks she is on an island paradise. That can't be normal."
"Some humans see things differently from others. And so do some vampires." She looks at me, "I know you don't want to hear that she left because of how alive she is, but that's why. She wants to live in the world and change with it, not hold onto the past and live in the dark."
I've had enough of Faine's speeches. I stand up and stare at the moon. I feel its light running deep in me and feel the power of the dark ebbing around me.
"Alive. Yeah right. I'm done with this. I'm done with her." Before she can respond, I am running far away.
Faine may think that I sounded cruel and harsh, but she doesn't know how hurt I am deep down. I've lost Johanna so many times already! And to feel this final cut is like dying again. Johanna won't come back. I mean, why would she? I don't do anything to make her feel exactly welcome and I don't do anything to show her I can be the man she wants.
So I guess this is goodbye, forever, I'll never go looking for her as long as I live.
The thought hits me hard and I trip over my own feet. I tumble into the middle of a road and lie there for a while. The town seems deserted. Everyone is home, asleep in their beds. I gaze at the stars and feel myself wondering if Johanna was looking at them as well. Do we even see the same stars? Well, Johanna and I never saw things the same way. I see hundreds of flecks of light (the stars) and she sees "life".
All the sudden, my vampire body feels too constricted, I change into my human self and breathe in the cool night air. It burns my throat and lungs on the way in. And finally, tears drip from my eyes. I hate to admit it, but yes, I was crying. They were silent tears! I wasn't sobbing like a child. About an hour later, I stopped. My eyes were sore when I touched them and as I stood up, I felt how cold it truly was. I shoved my hands in my pockets and wished I had worn my leather jacket. I did the only thing I could think of: I started walking. I was just going to follow the road until- until...well, for however long I wanted. Maybe I would keep walking forever. That seemed nice, to walk through the world as it changes but not even noticing. But-ah! What a thought I just had! A wonderful thought it is! Could I die? After all, I was currently human... and humans can die...so couldn't I die now? You know, that isn't even the real question. The real question is: Would I stay dead?
I considered this for a long while as I walked on. I was just about to look down and turn back around but I saw a glow coming over the horizon.
Surely that can't be the sun already?
Well, me being who I am, I decided I wanted to know what that was. I kept walking towards it, pushing all other thoughts into the back of my mind. The glow took on a red haze and then purple then blue. The colors were changing constantly. Even though I was still a good many miles away, I heard music blaring. And I wondered how a place could be that loud and not bother the humans? I also began to wonder what I was walking into.
-Gabriel