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A JOKE...
April 10th, 2011
This is torture! This is madness and insanity! Madness. Am I really going mad? I seem to be getting crazier and crazier each time, don't you think? You don't understand what happened, do you? My Johanna was here, everything should be fine, right?
Well, its not. She isn't here. At least, not yet.
A hallucination is a funny thing. It shows you what you most want in the most pleasurable way. It is real and within reach, within experiencing and grasping! And then...it is gone. Like a bird in flight, like a tear worth crying or a dream that's dying...
Either way, that hallucination is gone and no matter how hard you try, you cannot get the same one back. The first time, become a father of a beautiful baby girl! The second time, the father of a wonderful little boy. The third time, that baby girl will have a different appearance in some way. Same with the boy, and on and on. No two dreams are the same, they can't be. Hence the reason they are made.
Well written by William Shakespeare is what I try to say:
"ROMEO-
Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace!
Thou talk’st of nothing.
MERCUTIO-
True, I talk of dreams,
Which are the children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy,
Which is as thin of substance as the air
And more inconstant than the wind, who woos
Even now the frozen bosom of the north,
And, being angered, puffs away from thence,
Turning his face to the dew-dropping south."
-Act 1, Scene 4, Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
An explanation of dreams being used to pass time, and that these dreams cannot be controlled. See them head North? But all to change and travel Southward instead? If our dreams are uncontrollable, then wouldn't it also be said:
"ROMEO-
And we mean well in going to this mask,
But ’tis no wit to go.
MERCUTIO-
Why, may one ask?
ROMEO-
I dreamt a dream tonight.
MERCUTIO-
And so did I.
ROMEO-
Well, what was yours?
MERCUTIO-
That dreamers often lie.
ROMEO-
In bed asleep while they do dream things true."
-Act 1, Scene 4
That dreams serve as a warning? As much as they are wild, are they not also helpful? Not all dreams hold the value of truth in them, but they hold what one craves: an escape.
Think not much of your dreams, but do beware; keep those thoughts in the back of your mind as you dance on air.
A dream is a warning, strong and true; a dream is a dream through and through.
As wild and untamed as the sea; but as reassuring and calm as the done deed.
So, was I in the wrong to believe, that my Johanna was still coming for me? As I dreamt her over and over and never lost faith?
I last told you of seeing her standing outside, of hearing her call my name. I left the window for a second, the time it takes to get from my room to the front door, to bring her inside. But when I opened the door, she was gone. Like she never was there, like she vanished on thin air.
I thought that was strange but believe me; things will get stranger. I turn to go inside but out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of gold. Her hair running into the woods. I follow after her, my heart beating faster in anticipation (figuratively). She leads me into a clearing but once I am standing there, she is gone.
I hear her laughter so I look up, she is sitting in the tree tops waving to me. There isn't one place that I wouldn't go for her; up into the trees I went. And just as I got up there, she disappeared.
"Very odd indeed." I jump down and run back to the house.
"What was that all about?" Alec asks me.
I wasn't going to say anything but then I see her looking through the window, "Johanna!" I run outside and they all follow me.
She has disappeared again.
"Well, where is she?" Someone asks.
I shrug but then she is standing next to me.
"Johanna, you had me worried!" I said to her, "Please, meet my family." She waves but everybody isn't looking at her; they are looking at me!
"That's awfully rude not to say 'hello' to my beloved."
"Gabriel, she isn't there." Lottie says taking my hand.
"Of course she is!" Johanna grabs my hand and pulls me up the hill away from everyone.
"Are you hungry?" She asks me.
"Very." I look towards town.
"No," she shakes her head.
I look to the tree tops.
"No," she shakes her head again.
"Well if I can't eat my food and I can't even eat this crap, then what do I eat?!"
She puts her finger to her lips and pulls me to the edge of the forest.
"See what I see with your eyes." She disappears again.
So I was left staring at a leaf. I've never noticed a color that green before! And I never knew that leaves had their own 'life cycle'. They breathe and eat, I could see their pores sweating and the color dancing around inside of it. That leaf kept me captivated for a whole day! When I turned around to go home, the first thing I noticed was Alec and Lottie staring at me with a worried look on their face. I smiled and waved at them, I am okay!
I walk inside and sit casually at the table, picking up the newspaper and reading the obituary. I begin to whistle a happy little song.
"Why are you whistling? Why are you happy?" Bastien says in a snide remark.
"What do you want from me?! Are you mad because I kissed Lottie?! Is that it? Well, I'm sorry! I'm sorry that for one minute, I was wanted more than you!" I settle my eyes back on the paper.
"You know that isn't it." He growls.
"It isn't? Then enlighten me, oh wise one-" I stop short.
Johanna is watching me from outside the window.
She looks so sad and so worried as tears drip down her cheeks.
"Johanna," I am out of my chair and out the door in a second.
She is walking up the hill as I rush over to her.
"What's wrong? What's wrong?" I ask holding her face and wiping away her tears.
"I can't do it. I can't live like that." She is shaking her head.
I pull her into a hug and smooth her hair. She is sobbing as I close my arms around her. I will keep her safe from anything and everything.
"Gabriel?" Alec asks. They are all looking at me again! Why do they think I'm crazy?!
"I'm just hugging-" I look down and she is gone, "-Johanna."
"I think you've gone insane." Bastien says.
"Really?! I think I'm damn sane! Only an insane person what put up with you!" That's all it takes.
He leaps at me and we are fighting.
Punch, punch, kick, kick, bite, etc.
I am about to tear out one of his arms when I've gone blind.
"Oh damn, Alec! We could've gotten it to go back on! It just would've made me feel better to actually do it!" My limbs are numb now as someone pulls me inside.
"I want my sight back." I scream, "come on! I won't kill Bastien. I promise!" I get my sight back and to my surprise, control over my limbs.
The first thing I see is Lottie standing in the corner looking angry with the both of us.
"Oh, you know you enjoy this. Two men fighting because of you? What girl wouldn't like it." I say to her.
Bastien leaps at me again but falls on his face because Alec deadened his senses. I laugh hysterically until Jordan punches me in the arm.
"What is this? 'Pick on Gabriel Day'?" I ask.
Faine gives me a slight punch too, but I hardly feel it. She can't really do any harm to anyone, poor thing.
Damn my hallucinations, I see Johanna outside again. I go after her but Alec deadens my senses again.
"I can't have you getting your hopes up and all of our hopes up. You are hurting yourself by doing this. Enough." Alec says.
I bet Faine just loves that! 'Oh! Alec is so manly! He took charge! I just want to kiss him! We'll go off to our special place where no one can disturb us and we'll forget about crazy Gabriel!' Grrrrrrr! Alec is getting a couple punches when I can feel my arms!
The wind picks up as rain starts pouring down outside. I watch the droplets hurl themselves at the window and I can sense that the temperature is getting colder and colder outside. Brutal weather.
I keep seeing Johanna. But I'm starting to think that maybe Alec is right, maybe I am just imagining her.
I tell Alec this and he let's me have control over my body again. I suggest we play poker, all the guys take over the kitchen table as I deal out the cards. The girls get stuck watching or relaxing in the living room.
Half way into explaining the game, I hear something.
"Help!" It says.
"Did you guys hear that?" I ask.
They shake their heads.
"Please!"
I am out of my chair and heading out the door when Alec steps in front of me.
"I told you that we've all had enough," he says, "It always turns out the same way: she is never real! Just go back inside and let's play poker."
I think about listening to him but then, I feel my heart beat. It actually moves! Or it feels like it is. And I hear that voice again, "Don't let me die alone!"
I try to run out the door but Alec catches me, "Sit." He commands.
"Alec, if you don't let me out, I will kill you."
"She's never there!"
"Well, what if she is this time?! Her death will be on your head if you don't let me go to her!"
Alec is about to reply but Faine interjects, "Just let him go. The worse thing that will happen is Johanna isn't there and he will come back." I dart out the door.
I push my body to move faster as I jump over roots and dodge branches in the forest. How fast I get there could decide whether she is alive or not. And I will not let her die again!
In a couple seconds, I hear the guys follow after me. Then they can all watch that for once, I am right! We stop in a small clearing deep into the forest, the rain has us soaked. We all listen, but hear nothing.
"Gabriel-"
"No. Shh. Listen."
"Come...Josephine....in my flying....machine...and its...up...she goes...up she goes."
I look at them but they are shaking their heads.
"You have to hear it. You have to!" I say pushing my wet hair off my forehead.
We listen again, "Come Josephine...in my...flying...Come Josephine in my flying machine. Going up she goes...up she goes. Like a bird on a beam..in the air she goes. There she goes."
They look to me in surprise. They hear her! And I'm not crazy! But more importantly is that she is real this time!
We run North, with me ahead.
Her voice leads me on. And at last I see her body. Half out of a river. I run to her and her now blue lips keep mumbling the words, "Up...up...a little bit higher...oh...my moon is...on fire. All....on....goodbye."
"No, Johanna. No. Not goodbye." I say.
I slip my arms under her small body and pull her close to me. As if my own life were at stake, I run. Back to the house with the guys running with me. I projected thoughts as loudly and quick as possible. Hoping that Jordan or Faine would hear me. We come running into the room. The guys start a fire and I get blankets. Coming back, Faine is taking off her soaked dress. The same white one that she wore in Spain. I move her right next to the fireplace and wrap her in blankets. She is shivering fast and mumbling a whole bunch of things. I try to get up but she puts her arms around my neck.
"Oh, my angel." She says.
I grab her hand and smooth her hair.
She won't let me up but I can't stay here. The coldness of my skin could be part of her death. So I do the only thing I could think of: I shape shift.
Bastien might be right, I might be insane. Since I end up shifting into the Cullen's pet dog, Jacob Black.
I see all of them take about 5 giant steps backward as they immediately stop breathing.
I lay my body on top of Johanna's and cradle her head.
"Please. I have to." I say to them with a look of pleading in my eyes.
Some walk away quietly, others walk away angrily. I guess I understand their pain since they don't exactly smell wonderful to me right now.
But all that matters is her. Johanna. The amazing girl underneath me that I would die for.
-Gabriel
April 10th, 2011
This is torture! This is madness and insanity! Madness. Am I really going mad? I seem to be getting crazier and crazier each time, don't you think? You don't understand what happened, do you? My Johanna was here, everything should be fine, right?
Well, its not. She isn't here. At least, not yet.
A hallucination is a funny thing. It shows you what you most want in the most pleasurable way. It is real and within reach, within experiencing and grasping! And then...it is gone. Like a bird in flight, like a tear worth crying or a dream that's dying...
Either way, that hallucination is gone and no matter how hard you try, you cannot get the same one back. The first time, become a father of a beautiful baby girl! The second time, the father of a wonderful little boy. The third time, that baby girl will have a different appearance in some way. Same with the boy, and on and on. No two dreams are the same, they can't be. Hence the reason they are made.
Well written by William Shakespeare is what I try to say:
"ROMEO-
Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace!
Thou talk’st of nothing.
MERCUTIO-
True, I talk of dreams,
Which are the children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy,
Which is as thin of substance as the air
And more inconstant than the wind, who woos
Even now the frozen bosom of the north,
And, being angered, puffs away from thence,
Turning his face to the dew-dropping south."
-Act 1, Scene 4, Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
An explanation of dreams being used to pass time, and that these dreams cannot be controlled. See them head North? But all to change and travel Southward instead? If our dreams are uncontrollable, then wouldn't it also be said:
"ROMEO-
And we mean well in going to this mask,
But ’tis no wit to go.
MERCUTIO-
Why, may one ask?
ROMEO-
I dreamt a dream tonight.
MERCUTIO-
And so did I.
ROMEO-
Well, what was yours?
MERCUTIO-
That dreamers often lie.
ROMEO-
In bed asleep while they do dream things true."
-Act 1, Scene 4
That dreams serve as a warning? As much as they are wild, are they not also helpful? Not all dreams hold the value of truth in them, but they hold what one craves: an escape.
Think not much of your dreams, but do beware; keep those thoughts in the back of your mind as you dance on air.
A dream is a warning, strong and true; a dream is a dream through and through.
As wild and untamed as the sea; but as reassuring and calm as the done deed.
So, was I in the wrong to believe, that my Johanna was still coming for me? As I dreamt her over and over and never lost faith?
I last told you of seeing her standing outside, of hearing her call my name. I left the window for a second, the time it takes to get from my room to the front door, to bring her inside. But when I opened the door, she was gone. Like she never was there, like she vanished on thin air.
I thought that was strange but believe me; things will get stranger. I turn to go inside but out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of gold. Her hair running into the woods. I follow after her, my heart beating faster in anticipation (figuratively). She leads me into a clearing but once I am standing there, she is gone.
I hear her laughter so I look up, she is sitting in the tree tops waving to me. There isn't one place that I wouldn't go for her; up into the trees I went. And just as I got up there, she disappeared.
"Very odd indeed." I jump down and run back to the house.
"What was that all about?" Alec asks me.
I wasn't going to say anything but then I see her looking through the window, "Johanna!" I run outside and they all follow me.
She has disappeared again.
"Well, where is she?" Someone asks.
I shrug but then she is standing next to me.
"Johanna, you had me worried!" I said to her, "Please, meet my family." She waves but everybody isn't looking at her; they are looking at me!
"That's awfully rude not to say 'hello' to my beloved."
"Gabriel, she isn't there." Lottie says taking my hand.
"Of course she is!" Johanna grabs my hand and pulls me up the hill away from everyone.
"Are you hungry?" She asks me.
"Very." I look towards town.
"No," she shakes her head.
I look to the tree tops.
"No," she shakes her head again.
"Well if I can't eat my food and I can't even eat this crap, then what do I eat?!"
She puts her finger to her lips and pulls me to the edge of the forest.
"See what I see with your eyes." She disappears again.
So I was left staring at a leaf. I've never noticed a color that green before! And I never knew that leaves had their own 'life cycle'. They breathe and eat, I could see their pores sweating and the color dancing around inside of it. That leaf kept me captivated for a whole day! When I turned around to go home, the first thing I noticed was Alec and Lottie staring at me with a worried look on their face. I smiled and waved at them, I am okay!
I walk inside and sit casually at the table, picking up the newspaper and reading the obituary. I begin to whistle a happy little song.
"Why are you whistling? Why are you happy?" Bastien says in a snide remark.
"What do you want from me?! Are you mad because I kissed Lottie?! Is that it? Well, I'm sorry! I'm sorry that for one minute, I was wanted more than you!" I settle my eyes back on the paper.
"You know that isn't it." He growls.
"It isn't? Then enlighten me, oh wise one-" I stop short.
Johanna is watching me from outside the window.
She looks so sad and so worried as tears drip down her cheeks.
"Johanna," I am out of my chair and out the door in a second.
She is walking up the hill as I rush over to her.
"What's wrong? What's wrong?" I ask holding her face and wiping away her tears.
"I can't do it. I can't live like that." She is shaking her head.
I pull her into a hug and smooth her hair. She is sobbing as I close my arms around her. I will keep her safe from anything and everything.
"Gabriel?" Alec asks. They are all looking at me again! Why do they think I'm crazy?!
"I'm just hugging-" I look down and she is gone, "-Johanna."
"I think you've gone insane." Bastien says.
"Really?! I think I'm damn sane! Only an insane person what put up with you!" That's all it takes.
He leaps at me and we are fighting.
Punch, punch, kick, kick, bite, etc.
I am about to tear out one of his arms when I've gone blind.
"Oh damn, Alec! We could've gotten it to go back on! It just would've made me feel better to actually do it!" My limbs are numb now as someone pulls me inside.
"I want my sight back." I scream, "come on! I won't kill Bastien. I promise!" I get my sight back and to my surprise, control over my limbs.
The first thing I see is Lottie standing in the corner looking angry with the both of us.
"Oh, you know you enjoy this. Two men fighting because of you? What girl wouldn't like it." I say to her.
Bastien leaps at me again but falls on his face because Alec deadened his senses. I laugh hysterically until Jordan punches me in the arm.
"What is this? 'Pick on Gabriel Day'?" I ask.
Faine gives me a slight punch too, but I hardly feel it. She can't really do any harm to anyone, poor thing.
Damn my hallucinations, I see Johanna outside again. I go after her but Alec deadens my senses again.
"I can't have you getting your hopes up and all of our hopes up. You are hurting yourself by doing this. Enough." Alec says.
I bet Faine just loves that! 'Oh! Alec is so manly! He took charge! I just want to kiss him! We'll go off to our special place where no one can disturb us and we'll forget about crazy Gabriel!' Grrrrrrr! Alec is getting a couple punches when I can feel my arms!
The wind picks up as rain starts pouring down outside. I watch the droplets hurl themselves at the window and I can sense that the temperature is getting colder and colder outside. Brutal weather.
I keep seeing Johanna. But I'm starting to think that maybe Alec is right, maybe I am just imagining her.
I tell Alec this and he let's me have control over my body again. I suggest we play poker, all the guys take over the kitchen table as I deal out the cards. The girls get stuck watching or relaxing in the living room.
Half way into explaining the game, I hear something.
"Help!" It says.
"Did you guys hear that?" I ask.
They shake their heads.
"Please!"
I am out of my chair and heading out the door when Alec steps in front of me.
"I told you that we've all had enough," he says, "It always turns out the same way: she is never real! Just go back inside and let's play poker."
I think about listening to him but then, I feel my heart beat. It actually moves! Or it feels like it is. And I hear that voice again, "Don't let me die alone!"
I try to run out the door but Alec catches me, "Sit." He commands.
"Alec, if you don't let me out, I will kill you."
"She's never there!"
"Well, what if she is this time?! Her death will be on your head if you don't let me go to her!"
Alec is about to reply but Faine interjects, "Just let him go. The worse thing that will happen is Johanna isn't there and he will come back." I dart out the door.
I push my body to move faster as I jump over roots and dodge branches in the forest. How fast I get there could decide whether she is alive or not. And I will not let her die again!
In a couple seconds, I hear the guys follow after me. Then they can all watch that for once, I am right! We stop in a small clearing deep into the forest, the rain has us soaked. We all listen, but hear nothing.
"Gabriel-"
"No. Shh. Listen."
"Come...Josephine....in my flying....machine...and its...up...she goes...up she goes."
I look at them but they are shaking their heads.
"You have to hear it. You have to!" I say pushing my wet hair off my forehead.
We listen again, "Come Josephine...in my...flying...Come Josephine in my flying machine. Going up she goes...up she goes. Like a bird on a beam..in the air she goes. There she goes."
They look to me in surprise. They hear her! And I'm not crazy! But more importantly is that she is real this time!
We run North, with me ahead.
Her voice leads me on. And at last I see her body. Half out of a river. I run to her and her now blue lips keep mumbling the words, "Up...up...a little bit higher...oh...my moon is...on fire. All....on....goodbye."
"No, Johanna. No. Not goodbye." I say.
I slip my arms under her small body and pull her close to me. As if my own life were at stake, I run. Back to the house with the guys running with me. I projected thoughts as loudly and quick as possible. Hoping that Jordan or Faine would hear me. We come running into the room. The guys start a fire and I get blankets. Coming back, Faine is taking off her soaked dress. The same white one that she wore in Spain. I move her right next to the fireplace and wrap her in blankets. She is shivering fast and mumbling a whole bunch of things. I try to get up but she puts her arms around my neck.
"Oh, my angel." She says.
I grab her hand and smooth her hair.
She won't let me up but I can't stay here. The coldness of my skin could be part of her death. So I do the only thing I could think of: I shape shift.
Bastien might be right, I might be insane. Since I end up shifting into the Cullen's pet dog, Jacob Black.
I see all of them take about 5 giant steps backward as they immediately stop breathing.
I lay my body on top of Johanna's and cradle her head.
"Please. I have to." I say to them with a look of pleading in my eyes.
Some walk away quietly, others walk away angrily. I guess I understand their pain since they don't exactly smell wonderful to me right now.
But all that matters is her. Johanna. The amazing girl underneath me that I would die for.
-Gabriel