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I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME…
March 10th, 2011
I wake up to find myself under the covers of a giant bed. Wait, this isn’t the house in Kerry! And this isn’t the bed that was in my room.
I sit up and push my hair out of my eyes. I bring my hand from my face and feel something interesting. I feel heat. Coming from my own body. I place my hand in the center of my chest and I feel something pounding against it! I rush from the bed and over to a mirror on the wall.
When-? When did fashion change? I’m wearing a long white shirt with ruffles at the wrist and pants from the 1300‘s.
I pull up my shirt and touch my chest again, I don’t have any claw marks from-from-from Her. The beating continues.
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
This, can’t be. I look in the mirror. My nose is more crooked then it was 4 days ago and my eyes are bloodshot. This really can’t be.
I go to a small table and pick up a letter opener. I slice my wrist open and stare at it waiting for the wound to heal. But it doesn’t.
The lace at my wrist slowly turns red. I run to the giant window and yank open the drapes.
"'О мой Бог. Невозможный!'" (Oh my God. Impossible!)
I find myself staring at my own backyard from 1390. The green trees and wide fields.
I climb back into the bed and try to wake up from this dream.
How is it that I can be human? I look at my still bleeding wrist.
How is it that I can be back in the 1300’s?
There is a knock on my door, “’Enter.’”
The door opens but instead of my brother or a servant, I see her. Catia. My beautiful girl.
“’Catia! How can you be alive?!?’” I rush over to her and pick her up.
"'Отец, почему Вы говорите как этот?'" (Father, why are you speaking like that?)
I clear my throat, “’Catia! Вы не мертвый! Как? '" (Catia! You aren’t dead! How?)
“’Отец, Вы пугаете меня. Может быть я должен пойти, получают кого - то? '" (Father, you’re scaring me. Maybe I should go get someone?)
She tries to get out of the giant bed but I grab her hand.
“’ Номер не уезжает, Hunny. Папа прекрасен. '" (No. Don’t leave, Hunny. Daddy is fine.)
She is still standing on the bed but now she comes closer to me, “’Я тоскую без Вас. Мать тоскует без Вас. Почему не Вы никогда вокруг? '" (I miss you. Mother misses you. Why are you never around?) Tears start spilling down my cheeks as she pauses.
“’ Я думал, что Вы любили меня? '" (I thought you loved me?) I’m full out sobbing now.
“’ Я делаю, Catia. Я делаю! Папа любит Вас очень! '" (I do, Catia. I do! Daddy loves you very much!)
She falls over my shoulder and I cradle her.
“’Catia, пожалуйста простите мне! Мне дали вторую возможность, и я собираюсь делать все правом. Я клянусь это! Я получу работу с дядей Николэем, и я буду любить вашу мать, и я буду здесь для Вас, я обещаю! '" (Catia, please forgive me! I've been given a second chance and I'm going to make everything right. I swear it! I'll get a job with uncle Nikolai and I'll love your mother and I'll be here for you, I promise!)
She hasn’t responded to me, “’Catia, пожалуйста ответьте на меня. Catia? " (Catia, please answer me. Catia?)
I pull her away from my shoulder and cradle her in my lap. I brush away her hair from her face, “’Catia? Catia, нет! Нет, нет, нет! пожалуйста возвратитесь ко мне! Возвратитесь! '" (Catia? Catia, no! No, no, no! please come back to me! Come back!)
The rose has gone from her cheeks and her heart no longer beats. The life has gone out of her eyes as they stare up at me.
“’ Нет! Нет! Не ее! Кто - либо еще, но ее! '" (No! No! Not her! Anybody else but her!)
I lean over her and fresh sobs rack my body. I yell for someone, for anyone! But this house appears to be empty.
All is still and silent until I hear laughter.
It isn’t a child’s laughter, it’s an evil maniacal laughter. I recognize it to be Kali’s.
“’You’re next!’” She starts saying and I begin to feel evil work it’s way into the room.
I look down at Catia and I remember what happened the first time: Kali made me a vampire because I wanted to escape this world and I wanted to feel things my own way.
“’No! No! I won’t let you get me!’” I jump from the bed and grab the letter opener, I see the lifeless form of my little girl on the bed in the mirror reflection and I also see wisps of black coming for me.
“’Catia, I told you I would make things right,’” I said to her, I gripped the knife tightly in my hand, “’Even if it means dying.’” I raise it to my throat and slash it open.
Blood splatters onto the mirror and I fall to the ground and stare at my bloody reflection in the mirror. I wish I would die faster, Kali is getting closer and I can’t chance her venom getting into me.
English literature is a funny thing. It comes to you at the oddest of moments and in the oddest of ways. Often, it is because we see a spring day and think of the famous line ’Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?’ Or maybe because we stand in the park that a story was written in. Poets and writers care so much for their work and some artists don’t become famous until after they are dead. How would we ever know what Shakespeare was thinking as he wrote Romeo and Juliet? Yes, we see it as a love story. But maybe that isn’t why he wrote it. Perhaps dear Shakespeare wrote it as a warning for 15 year old girls to stay away from older guys, or for the valuable lesson of ‘death follows all fools who rush too willingly into love’. I guess what I’m thinking is that we really don’t know why artists write what they write and what they mean when they write it.
So now, I think of a poem, not because I am where it was written but because I Am why it was written:
“Blood red were his spurs in the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat,
When they shot him down on the highway,
Down like a dog on the highway,
And he lay in his blood on the highway, with a bunch of lace at his throat.”
By Alfred Noyes
I am The Highway Man.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror and look at the bloody lace at my throat. One drop of blood for every life I’ve taken. That’s a lot of blood.
Why am I still not dead?
Kali is getting closer so I grasp the knife and stab myself in the stomach.
Why am I not dying or feeling pain now?!?
Kali is getting closer still!
With one last surge of energy, I raise my knife and aim for my heart.
Ah, at last, that final plunge. The final death. My final judgment.
I look at my daughter as my spirit leaves my body and I cry for her to have been taken so young and so harshly.
“Tlot-tlot, in the frosty silence! Tlot-tlot in the echoing night!
Nearer he came and nearer! Her face was like a light!
Her eyes grew wide for a moment, she drew one last deep breath,
Then her finger moved in the moonlight,
Her musket shattered the moonlight,
Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him--with her death.”
I love death!
I spoke too soon. My soul is yanked back into my body and I raise my head to see that my heart was not pierced by a dagger, no, but by Kali’s fangs instead.
Her wicked lavender eyes gaze up at me and her white blonde hair flows over my chest.
My head falls to the floor and my screams increase with the burning of her venom spreading through me.
“’I died for you! I did this for you!’” I shout to Catia.
“’You died for me?’” Kali kisses my cheek, “’How sweet.’”
With what little strength I have, I crawl over to the bed and collapse next to Catia.
My breaths are becoming shorter and shorter, my heart is beating so fast that I’m sure it’ll explode and I feel an aching in my gums that I’m sure will become my fangs.
I grab Catia’s hand, “’I love you.’” I kiss it, “’Don’t you for one second think that I didn’t. My only regret in life, ‘” My breathing is so shallow and my heart is slowing drastically, “’ Is that I wasn’t there for you.’’ And that’s it.
My body becomes still and I feel a wave of ice sweep up from my toes to my head.
No matter which way things happened, I was destined to die a never ending death. And my daughter was destined to go down with me.
Why? Why does someone as pure as her have to die while a monster like me gets to live?
The burning is back and I start screaming. I start screaming and I can’t stop.
-Gabriel
March 10th, 2011
I wake up to find myself under the covers of a giant bed. Wait, this isn’t the house in Kerry! And this isn’t the bed that was in my room.
I sit up and push my hair out of my eyes. I bring my hand from my face and feel something interesting. I feel heat. Coming from my own body. I place my hand in the center of my chest and I feel something pounding against it! I rush from the bed and over to a mirror on the wall.
When-? When did fashion change? I’m wearing a long white shirt with ruffles at the wrist and pants from the 1300‘s.
I pull up my shirt and touch my chest again, I don’t have any claw marks from-from-from Her. The beating continues.
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
This, can’t be. I look in the mirror. My nose is more crooked then it was 4 days ago and my eyes are bloodshot. This really can’t be.
I go to a small table and pick up a letter opener. I slice my wrist open and stare at it waiting for the wound to heal. But it doesn’t.
The lace at my wrist slowly turns red. I run to the giant window and yank open the drapes.
"'О мой Бог. Невозможный!'" (Oh my God. Impossible!)
I find myself staring at my own backyard from 1390. The green trees and wide fields.
I climb back into the bed and try to wake up from this dream.
How is it that I can be human? I look at my still bleeding wrist.
How is it that I can be back in the 1300’s?
There is a knock on my door, “’Enter.’”
The door opens but instead of my brother or a servant, I see her. Catia. My beautiful girl.
“’Catia! How can you be alive?!?’” I rush over to her and pick her up.
"'Отец, почему Вы говорите как этот?'" (Father, why are you speaking like that?)
I clear my throat, “’Catia! Вы не мертвый! Как? '" (Catia! You aren’t dead! How?)
“’Отец, Вы пугаете меня. Может быть я должен пойти, получают кого - то? '" (Father, you’re scaring me. Maybe I should go get someone?)
She tries to get out of the giant bed but I grab her hand.
“’ Номер не уезжает, Hunny. Папа прекрасен. '" (No. Don’t leave, Hunny. Daddy is fine.)
She is still standing on the bed but now she comes closer to me, “’Я тоскую без Вас. Мать тоскует без Вас. Почему не Вы никогда вокруг? '" (I miss you. Mother misses you. Why are you never around?) Tears start spilling down my cheeks as she pauses.
“’ Я думал, что Вы любили меня? '" (I thought you loved me?) I’m full out sobbing now.
“’ Я делаю, Catia. Я делаю! Папа любит Вас очень! '" (I do, Catia. I do! Daddy loves you very much!)
She falls over my shoulder and I cradle her.
“’Catia, пожалуйста простите мне! Мне дали вторую возможность, и я собираюсь делать все правом. Я клянусь это! Я получу работу с дядей Николэем, и я буду любить вашу мать, и я буду здесь для Вас, я обещаю! '" (Catia, please forgive me! I've been given a second chance and I'm going to make everything right. I swear it! I'll get a job with uncle Nikolai and I'll love your mother and I'll be here for you, I promise!)
She hasn’t responded to me, “’Catia, пожалуйста ответьте на меня. Catia? " (Catia, please answer me. Catia?)
I pull her away from my shoulder and cradle her in my lap. I brush away her hair from her face, “’Catia? Catia, нет! Нет, нет, нет! пожалуйста возвратитесь ко мне! Возвратитесь! '" (Catia? Catia, no! No, no, no! please come back to me! Come back!)
The rose has gone from her cheeks and her heart no longer beats. The life has gone out of her eyes as they stare up at me.
“’ Нет! Нет! Не ее! Кто - либо еще, но ее! '" (No! No! Not her! Anybody else but her!)
I lean over her and fresh sobs rack my body. I yell for someone, for anyone! But this house appears to be empty.
All is still and silent until I hear laughter.
It isn’t a child’s laughter, it’s an evil maniacal laughter. I recognize it to be Kali’s.
“’You’re next!’” She starts saying and I begin to feel evil work it’s way into the room.
I look down at Catia and I remember what happened the first time: Kali made me a vampire because I wanted to escape this world and I wanted to feel things my own way.
“’No! No! I won’t let you get me!’” I jump from the bed and grab the letter opener, I see the lifeless form of my little girl on the bed in the mirror reflection and I also see wisps of black coming for me.
“’Catia, I told you I would make things right,’” I said to her, I gripped the knife tightly in my hand, “’Even if it means dying.’” I raise it to my throat and slash it open.
Blood splatters onto the mirror and I fall to the ground and stare at my bloody reflection in the mirror. I wish I would die faster, Kali is getting closer and I can’t chance her venom getting into me.
English literature is a funny thing. It comes to you at the oddest of moments and in the oddest of ways. Often, it is because we see a spring day and think of the famous line ’Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?’ Or maybe because we stand in the park that a story was written in. Poets and writers care so much for their work and some artists don’t become famous until after they are dead. How would we ever know what Shakespeare was thinking as he wrote Romeo and Juliet? Yes, we see it as a love story. But maybe that isn’t why he wrote it. Perhaps dear Shakespeare wrote it as a warning for 15 year old girls to stay away from older guys, or for the valuable lesson of ‘death follows all fools who rush too willingly into love’. I guess what I’m thinking is that we really don’t know why artists write what they write and what they mean when they write it.
So now, I think of a poem, not because I am where it was written but because I Am why it was written:
“Blood red were his spurs in the golden noon; wine-red was his velvet coat,
When they shot him down on the highway,
Down like a dog on the highway,
And he lay in his blood on the highway, with a bunch of lace at his throat.”
By Alfred Noyes
I am The Highway Man.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror and look at the bloody lace at my throat. One drop of blood for every life I’ve taken. That’s a lot of blood.
Why am I still not dead?
Kali is getting closer so I grasp the knife and stab myself in the stomach.
Why am I not dying or feeling pain now?!?
Kali is getting closer still!
With one last surge of energy, I raise my knife and aim for my heart.
Ah, at last, that final plunge. The final death. My final judgment.
I look at my daughter as my spirit leaves my body and I cry for her to have been taken so young and so harshly.
“Tlot-tlot, in the frosty silence! Tlot-tlot in the echoing night!
Nearer he came and nearer! Her face was like a light!
Her eyes grew wide for a moment, she drew one last deep breath,
Then her finger moved in the moonlight,
Her musket shattered the moonlight,
Shattered her breast in the moonlight and warned him--with her death.”
I love death!
I spoke too soon. My soul is yanked back into my body and I raise my head to see that my heart was not pierced by a dagger, no, but by Kali’s fangs instead.
Her wicked lavender eyes gaze up at me and her white blonde hair flows over my chest.
My head falls to the floor and my screams increase with the burning of her venom spreading through me.
“’I died for you! I did this for you!’” I shout to Catia.
“’You died for me?’” Kali kisses my cheek, “’How sweet.’”
With what little strength I have, I crawl over to the bed and collapse next to Catia.
My breaths are becoming shorter and shorter, my heart is beating so fast that I’m sure it’ll explode and I feel an aching in my gums that I’m sure will become my fangs.
I grab Catia’s hand, “’I love you.’” I kiss it, “’Don’t you for one second think that I didn’t. My only regret in life, ‘” My breathing is so shallow and my heart is slowing drastically, “’ Is that I wasn’t there for you.’’ And that’s it.
My body becomes still and I feel a wave of ice sweep up from my toes to my head.
No matter which way things happened, I was destined to die a never ending death. And my daughter was destined to go down with me.
Why? Why does someone as pure as her have to die while a monster like me gets to live?
The burning is back and I start screaming. I start screaming and I can’t stop.
-Gabriel