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Dear diary
So i said in my last entry that i knew what i was going to do for everyone, and i hope they all like it, i had to wait to tell you i needed some music and well i borrowed Alec's laptop, I ordered myself a laptop and new ipod, my account on itunes was still set up thankfully, i set up my new ipod when it arrived iam extremely excited by this ok so my plan is every couple must have a song that they hear and the words of that song means something to them or they think about that special someone when they hear it, I know I do there is a song i know and when i heard it on my new ipod i thought off Demitri straight away, so the plan is iam going to find out what the couples favourite songs are to each other and have the words written down and framed cute huh? I need to find everyone’s song first and well iam going to do Demitri first see how it looks exciting or what.
"Do you have a song for me valentina?" Malachi asked,
"I do actually but i don’t know if you would like it"
"Hmm probably not your taste in music is different" he joked,
"Its not different it’s unique."
"Ha unique ok then i have a song for you"
"Do you what is it?" i asked stunned “Incomplete by backstreet boys when i heard it, it summed up how i felt before we met and so on."
"Ohh I don’t know that one, i will have to have a look for it, ha a backstreet fan hay I would never off guessed Malachi which one is your favourite" I joked with him he went quiet and what Malachi said played on my mind so i downloaded the song and it was powerful i actually really liked it.
"Malachi explain what you meant by how it summed up how you felt?"
"Ha i guess its story time"
"Ohh really exciting" I got myself comfortable and waited for him to start.
"Ok so do you remember the room where we first met?"
I looked back through my memories and pictured a room all the walls where a light grey there was only a chair in the room and there sat a man
"Yes I remember"
"I visited that same room the same way you did but 10 years before our visit but i wasn’t suppose to be there, i shall start from the begging otherwise you wont understand,
when i was alive i always felt like i was missing out on something that my life did have a purpose but what that was i hadn’t figured out i was a tyrant to my parents my father hated me, we where never alone in the same room for more then a minute, my mother grew depressed about that all she wanted was a happy family and we where both stubborn so there was never any compromise from either of us, I had a younger brother who looked up to me a lot i was his hero he claimed and that was a big burden for me my father knew I would let my brother down there where many argument between us about my younger brother my father demanded that i moved out and stayed away from Jude that was my brothers name, father had big plans for Jude he was very smart where as i was smart but i never excelled i played being dumb i knew my future wasn’t in my fathers business so at the age off 18 I left home, Jude was extremely upset but i promised i wouldn’t be far away if he needed me, how wrong i was i got a job i paid my way with out any help form my father and i partied like the young do i drank every night i took drugs to escape my world, Jude started to notice a change in me i couldn’t see it myself but he was right i lost a lot off weight I started fights with any one that looked at me i grew paranoid and then delusions came to me at night everyone was after me and it was my fathers doing my mother begged me to stop what i was doing to myself and my father just said he knew i would amount to nothing hearing those words from his mouth i knew i had to change who i was i had to prove to him I wasn’t some drunk drug addict ,that i was Malachi a proper gentleman and i would make more money then he did and i would pay for my mother and brothers way so they didn’t need to depend on him so i worked up to where i was, i was 27 i was at the top off my game and i owned a few houses i made lots off money some legally some not i wasn’t happy with who i was i didn’t feel like my life was an adventure like i use to think, the feeling i was meant for something much better then this was slipping away from me, one night I came home to an empty home i took a bottle off whiskey and i cut my wrists open i bleed out no body came to me i died slowly and alone."
"Ohh my god Malachi Iam so sorry i never realised how hard you had it." I felt awful for him
"SHHH i don’t need your pity valentina, i made those choices, i had myself to blame back to the story, i appeared in the grey room there was a man at a desk witting in a boo, i looked around the place wondering where i was, i knew I was dead but heaven had been made to sound more prettier then this and hell well it wasn’t hot so it couldn’t off been hell, i heard a tapping off a pen and the man groaned. The man at the desk told me i shouldn’t be here and that i had to go back but I refused to i didn’t want to be in that house on my own any longer and if i had escaped my body then there was no way i was going back, the man told me i was destined for better things and i told him to screw destiny i choose the way my life goes and i end it when i want it ending, he sighed and tapped his pen a few times then the room started to blur i was transported back to that house but it was different, i was in the bedroom i made my way down stairs and heard screams i ran to were they where my mother and brother had found me in my chair with the knife and all the blood, i watched them both sob and i didn’t feel any remorse to what i did to myself and to them, i later found out my mother and brother where running away from my father and where coming for me."
"Ohh Malachi that is just so tragic if I cry Tears i would" I told him.
"I was visited by the man again he asked me if I wanted to help and well i said yes and that’s when i met your mother you weren’t born yet but you where in your mothers stomach the guys name who I saw in the room and who had come to me again was called Eric and he explained that you would need an angel looking out for you that you where a very special and you where going to be born and that misery would always plague you and that you needed to believe that there was good in the world looking after you even though it probably felt everything was against you. so i watched you grow up and i tried talking to you countless times you never heard me you slapped on a smile and you paraded around like you felt good about things but i knew how you really felt all those forced smiles for your parents all that energy you used to will yourself to believe you cared about people that the black cloud in your head wasn’t there and you wouldn’t allow it to bring you down then when you where 10 my opportunity to talk to you came when you died for those few minutes i needed to get through to you it was crucial your parents destiny had been laid out and i couldn’t stand by and watch your fragile heart be broken you did so well to believe in yourself to refuse those dark feelings inside and i know iam a pain to you and sometimes we argue but iam glad we are together and i feel that iam guiding you the right way well I’ve never felt this much happiness from you even though it goes against everything that you where meant to be but sometimes happiness is the best gift one can have so the song incomplete reminds me off you and now that you listen to it i hope you understand."
I was gobsmaked at what Malachi had said he was right off course he was he knew me better then anyone but everyday i smiled i believed there was never a reason for me to be sad or upset but i did that’s how i felt and my mum would get really upset when i had a sad day so it was all for them i was there little angel and i never wanted to let them down.
"Believe me valentina you never let them down they where so proud off you and they loved you very much"
So I wanted to write down Malachi song for me.
Empty spaces fill me up with
holes
distant faces with no place
left to go
without you with within me i
cant find no rest
where iam going is anybody’s
guess
~
i’ve tried to go on like i
never knew you
I'm awake but my world is
half a sleep
i prey for this heart to be
unbroken
but without you all I’m going
to be is
incomplete
~~~
Voices tell me i should carry
on
but iam swimming in an
ocean all alone
baby, my baby
it's written on your face
you still wonder if we made a
big mistake
~
i’ve tried to go on like i
never knew you
I'm awake but my world is
half a sleep
i prey for this heart to be
unbroken
but without you all I’m going
to be is
incomplete
~
I don’t mean to drag it
on but i cant seem to
let you go
i don’t wanna make you face
this world alone
i wanna let you go
~
i’ve tried to go on like i
never knew you
I'm awake but my world is
half a sleep
i prey for this heart to be
unbroken
but without you all i'm going
to be is
incomplete
~
incomplete
xxx
So i said in my last entry that i knew what i was going to do for everyone, and i hope they all like it, i had to wait to tell you i needed some music and well i borrowed Alec's laptop, I ordered myself a laptop and new ipod, my account on itunes was still set up thankfully, i set up my new ipod when it arrived iam extremely excited by this ok so my plan is every couple must have a song that they hear and the words of that song means something to them or they think about that special someone when they hear it, I know I do there is a song i know and when i heard it on my new ipod i thought off Demitri straight away, so the plan is iam going to find out what the couples favourite songs are to each other and have the words written down and framed cute huh? I need to find everyone’s song first and well iam going to do Demitri first see how it looks exciting or what.
"Do you have a song for me valentina?" Malachi asked,
"I do actually but i don’t know if you would like it"
"Hmm probably not your taste in music is different" he joked,
"Its not different it’s unique."
"Ha unique ok then i have a song for you"
"Do you what is it?" i asked stunned “Incomplete by backstreet boys when i heard it, it summed up how i felt before we met and so on."
"Ohh I don’t know that one, i will have to have a look for it, ha a backstreet fan hay I would never off guessed Malachi which one is your favourite" I joked with him he went quiet and what Malachi said played on my mind so i downloaded the song and it was powerful i actually really liked it.
"Malachi explain what you meant by how it summed up how you felt?"
"Ha i guess its story time"
"Ohh really exciting" I got myself comfortable and waited for him to start.
"Ok so do you remember the room where we first met?"
I looked back through my memories and pictured a room all the walls where a light grey there was only a chair in the room and there sat a man
"Yes I remember"
"I visited that same room the same way you did but 10 years before our visit but i wasn’t suppose to be there, i shall start from the begging otherwise you wont understand,
when i was alive i always felt like i was missing out on something that my life did have a purpose but what that was i hadn’t figured out i was a tyrant to my parents my father hated me, we where never alone in the same room for more then a minute, my mother grew depressed about that all she wanted was a happy family and we where both stubborn so there was never any compromise from either of us, I had a younger brother who looked up to me a lot i was his hero he claimed and that was a big burden for me my father knew I would let my brother down there where many argument between us about my younger brother my father demanded that i moved out and stayed away from Jude that was my brothers name, father had big plans for Jude he was very smart where as i was smart but i never excelled i played being dumb i knew my future wasn’t in my fathers business so at the age off 18 I left home, Jude was extremely upset but i promised i wouldn’t be far away if he needed me, how wrong i was i got a job i paid my way with out any help form my father and i partied like the young do i drank every night i took drugs to escape my world, Jude started to notice a change in me i couldn’t see it myself but he was right i lost a lot off weight I started fights with any one that looked at me i grew paranoid and then delusions came to me at night everyone was after me and it was my fathers doing my mother begged me to stop what i was doing to myself and my father just said he knew i would amount to nothing hearing those words from his mouth i knew i had to change who i was i had to prove to him I wasn’t some drunk drug addict ,that i was Malachi a proper gentleman and i would make more money then he did and i would pay for my mother and brothers way so they didn’t need to depend on him so i worked up to where i was, i was 27 i was at the top off my game and i owned a few houses i made lots off money some legally some not i wasn’t happy with who i was i didn’t feel like my life was an adventure like i use to think, the feeling i was meant for something much better then this was slipping away from me, one night I came home to an empty home i took a bottle off whiskey and i cut my wrists open i bleed out no body came to me i died slowly and alone."
"Ohh my god Malachi Iam so sorry i never realised how hard you had it." I felt awful for him
"SHHH i don’t need your pity valentina, i made those choices, i had myself to blame back to the story, i appeared in the grey room there was a man at a desk witting in a boo, i looked around the place wondering where i was, i knew I was dead but heaven had been made to sound more prettier then this and hell well it wasn’t hot so it couldn’t off been hell, i heard a tapping off a pen and the man groaned. The man at the desk told me i shouldn’t be here and that i had to go back but I refused to i didn’t want to be in that house on my own any longer and if i had escaped my body then there was no way i was going back, the man told me i was destined for better things and i told him to screw destiny i choose the way my life goes and i end it when i want it ending, he sighed and tapped his pen a few times then the room started to blur i was transported back to that house but it was different, i was in the bedroom i made my way down stairs and heard screams i ran to were they where my mother and brother had found me in my chair with the knife and all the blood, i watched them both sob and i didn’t feel any remorse to what i did to myself and to them, i later found out my mother and brother where running away from my father and where coming for me."
"Ohh Malachi that is just so tragic if I cry Tears i would" I told him.
"I was visited by the man again he asked me if I wanted to help and well i said yes and that’s when i met your mother you weren’t born yet but you where in your mothers stomach the guys name who I saw in the room and who had come to me again was called Eric and he explained that you would need an angel looking out for you that you where a very special and you where going to be born and that misery would always plague you and that you needed to believe that there was good in the world looking after you even though it probably felt everything was against you. so i watched you grow up and i tried talking to you countless times you never heard me you slapped on a smile and you paraded around like you felt good about things but i knew how you really felt all those forced smiles for your parents all that energy you used to will yourself to believe you cared about people that the black cloud in your head wasn’t there and you wouldn’t allow it to bring you down then when you where 10 my opportunity to talk to you came when you died for those few minutes i needed to get through to you it was crucial your parents destiny had been laid out and i couldn’t stand by and watch your fragile heart be broken you did so well to believe in yourself to refuse those dark feelings inside and i know iam a pain to you and sometimes we argue but iam glad we are together and i feel that iam guiding you the right way well I’ve never felt this much happiness from you even though it goes against everything that you where meant to be but sometimes happiness is the best gift one can have so the song incomplete reminds me off you and now that you listen to it i hope you understand."
I was gobsmaked at what Malachi had said he was right off course he was he knew me better then anyone but everyday i smiled i believed there was never a reason for me to be sad or upset but i did that’s how i felt and my mum would get really upset when i had a sad day so it was all for them i was there little angel and i never wanted to let them down.
"Believe me valentina you never let them down they where so proud off you and they loved you very much"
So I wanted to write down Malachi song for me.
Empty spaces fill me up with
holes
distant faces with no place
left to go
without you with within me i
cant find no rest
where iam going is anybody’s
guess
~
i’ve tried to go on like i
never knew you
I'm awake but my world is
half a sleep
i prey for this heart to be
unbroken
but without you all I’m going
to be is
incomplete
~~~
Voices tell me i should carry
on
but iam swimming in an
ocean all alone
baby, my baby
it's written on your face
you still wonder if we made a
big mistake
~
i’ve tried to go on like i
never knew you
I'm awake but my world is
half a sleep
i prey for this heart to be
unbroken
but without you all I’m going
to be is
incomplete
~
I don’t mean to drag it
on but i cant seem to
let you go
i don’t wanna make you face
this world alone
i wanna let you go
~
i’ve tried to go on like i
never knew you
I'm awake but my world is
half a sleep
i prey for this heart to be
unbroken
but without you all i'm going
to be is
incomplete
~
incomplete
xxx
