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February 12th, 2011
My mind is working again. I have to keep going. Last time I wrote, I buried myself in the middle of a desert and just waited. I have my back pack with me and I often touch the cool exterior of the can’s that hold Kali’s ashes. When I caress them, I practically feel the power pulsing off it. It’s a great temptation when carrying such power on your shoulder. But I know what this power has done and what it can do. I have to keep going.
I push all the sand off my body and pop out of the grave, I find myself running towards the airport and getting on a flight to Alaska. Hhmmm from hot to cold. Ha! Oh Alaska! So much in common! The plane lands and I get off. The first thing I smell is other vampires, I listen and I hear them from far away. They call themselves the Denali’s. And they are…vegetarian vampires! Eesh! Yuck!
I run in the opposite direction, I don’t want them to know I am here and I don’t want them to be after me either. Ha! That would be all I need!
But yet, While running as far away as possible from the Denali's, I also was listening as closely as possible. Wait, did I just hear the name Cullen? They know Edward and Carlisle? Hhhmmm, this might be useful! Again, I have to lie to another person! I knock on the door of a shack out in the middle of nowhere.
"' I am very sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I'm afraid your uncle is no longer with us.'" I bow my head and pull out one of the containers of ashes.
The man kind of just stares at them.
"'Uh, buddy, no matter how long you stare at that container your uncle isn't going to come back to life. Trust me,'" I pat his back, "' I had to learn that the hard way.'" I smiled and then left.
I'm thinking that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to stay with the Denali's so I get a little closer to their territory and then shift into this Carlisle Cullen. I can sense their warm welcome towards me and I know that I have about 5 more minutes until I get there.
"'Oh Carlisle!'" Says one girl as she opens the door, "'We weren't expecting you! You should have called and we would have met you at the airport. Come in! Come in!'" She pulls me into the house and kisses my cheek.
"'Tanya, you are to kind! I was perfectly fine running from the airport, no need to dote on me.'" I smiled.
"'Oh Carlisle! It's so nice to have you here again,'" She led me into the kitchen, "' Will Edward and Jasper be coming soon then?'" She and her sister Kate giggled.
I searched Carlisle's mind for the answer to this mysterious giggling. Ah, the Denali girls like Edward and-and Jasper. They always enjoy flirting with them in their bikinis when the Cullens travel this way. And Tanya was sure that she would be the one to rid Edward of his virginity and bachelor status.
"'No, I'm afraid that you're stuck with me for this visit.'"
Kate got up and linked her arm through mine, "' we're never 'stuck with you', Carlisle! We enjoy your company and your stories.'"
Tanya purred, "'But the boys are an extra treat.'"
I couldn't help myself, I chuckled at that.
Kate led me upstairs to the guest room and told me that she and her sister wanted to go hunting and to fetch the rest of the clan.
She asked if I wanted to go hunting as well but I politely excused myself and said I was well fed for now but that I would join them in the morning.
Kate nodded, smiled and then left. Soon I had the house completely empty to myself and I took this time to explore. Carlisle knew where everything was and the sentimental value it held, but Gabriel didn't. And I like experiencing things for myself. So I walked through the house and looked at the pictures and the books, they even had a piano there for when Edward visited! Were these girls still that devoted?! I mean, all the Cullens are married! I've never even heard of a vampire getting divorced. Well, most of them don't even have weddings, only a very few (and even then most of the vampires married by law go to vegas and just get it done with.)
One picture strikes my curiosity so I pick it up for further examination: It holds 6 vampires in it. 2 of them are Tanya and Kate, the one next to Kate has his arm around her so they must be mates (Oh, his name is Garret.) Then there is another couple sitting on the ground, an older dark haired man and a nice looking woman with curly brown hair (Eleazer and Carmen) the last is a girl next to Tanya. They have the same smile...OH! The three of them are sisters! Right, of course, the Denali Sisters. Then why is it that I do not smell a fourth woman's scent here?? I search Carlisle's memory and find out that the Volturri had killed her-Irina- for lying about Edward's daughter being a vampire child. Well Caius called it a desire for war to be broken out without proper grounds, but we called it murder. I-I mean the Cullen's called it murder.
I put down the picture and went back up to my room. I closed and locked the door and with the new privacy I let my facade melt off. I was Gabriel once again as I plopped onto the bed. I sighed and let my mind wander. For the first time in....what is it now? 3 months?....I'm thinking of the Volturi killer clan. I don't exactly have many good memories of them, not even fond ones! It's a shame, really. While I was helping them I was too focused on where I might find Kali. They did seem like good people when I had first met them, but I was just too blind to notice them. I still have this hatred of Alec for having killed Jane....Jane. Wow! That's a new thought too. I miss the pain she used to cause me and the power she used to make me feel! Gggrrrr! You know what? Above all, I miss not missing anything! Ah, the good old days where all I cared about was killing somebody next! Come to think of it, back in those times I rarely even thought of Catia. I was so bloodthirsty! I miss that most about myself, all this missing stuff is so boring and so....human! Yuck! Briefly thinking about Catia brings me back to thinking of Johanna. I wish that all the times I've seen her were memories and not dreams. A memory is something that has happened in real life, and I only have one memory of Johanna: the night I met and killed her. Dreams are too hurtful so I am glad that vampires cannot sleep for I have too many things to haunt me in my dreams.
I start thinking about the fact that all my troubles first began when I was captured by the Volturi when I hear the Denali clan enter downstairs. For some reason I don't think they will come check on me just yet but they do. Tanya turns the knob to enter as I think: oh crap! I didn't lock the door!
As soon as she turns the knob and pushes the door open, I make my change back into Carlisle.
"'Hello, Tanya. Did you and the others have a nice hunting trip?'"
"'We did, thanks for asking. Will you come down with us? Eleazer is so excited to see his old friend again and we are excited for news of the rest of the family.'" She smiled brightly and I jumped off the bed to follow her.
Geez, I didn't even realize that it was morning already! It seemed like all those thoughts came to me at once but it had actually been several hours.
"'Carlisle.'" Eleazer said and stuck his hand out.
"'Eleazer. Good to see you again, friend.'" I said as I shook his hand.
I felt a twinge of sadness, I get to know all of these people but they don't get to know Gabriel. Well, nobody gets to know Gabriel.
Eleazer was about to say something else but all of the sudden, he tensed up and all the Denali's tensed as well.
"'Do you smell that?'" Garret said.
"'What is it, dear friends?'" I fake asked. I had a hunch that it was my real scent that they were smelling.
"'Another vampire.'" Eleazer spat.
"'Do we know him?'" His wife, Carmen asked.
"'No-'"he started.
"And you don't want to. He's dangerous.'"
That hit like a slap in the face! Being called dangerous by vampires you don't know doesn't exactly make me feel special or any more welcomed here!
"'It is probably just a passer by, Eleazer, no need to alarm yourself yet.'"
I saw Garret's arms relax around Kate and I realized how much these people really think of Carlisle as a leader and father figure! Not just the Cullen's but others as well. It's like a vibe melting off him saying 'I'm clean! I'm a father figure! I'm okay!'
With that one suggestion from me-Carlisle- the whole room spun into a relaxed, airy meeting of friends.
"'How is Reeneesme, Carlisle?'" Carmen asked excitedly.
"'She's doing quite well, thank you. Growing up fast and giving Jasper and Jacob a run for their money at hunting.'" The group laughed.
"'I bet! That little girl is something else! A miracle her being born and an outstanding little lady in herself.'" Garret said.
"'She is, she is. It would be wonderful if all of you came and visited soon. I know Emmett, Jasper and Edward would be pleased to see you Tanya,'" I winked at her, "' and Reeneesme would be more than delighted to see more of her favorite aunts and family.'"
"'We would love to visit soon, Carlisle! Well, how long do you plan on staying? Maybe we could come back with you?'" Kate suggested.
"'Just another week more, dear, but I'm afraid it wouldn't be possible to join me on my travel back to Forks.'"
Forks?!? What kind of city is named Forks?!? I wonder if there is a city of Spoons or perhaps Knives,then?
"'Because...?'" Kate prompted.
"'Well, because-'" because I'm not Carlisle and I'm not going back to Forks, that's why!
"'Oh, Kate, because Emmett, Alice, Jasper,'" she paused and took a wistful sigh, "'Edward,'"another pause, "' and Bella,'" she grumbled out, "'aren't in Forks! Right, Carlisle?'" Tanya said.
"'Precisely.'" Whew!
"'Then where are they? Edward wouldn't just leave Nessie.'"Kate countered.
"'Just in Ireland,'" my head snapped up, "'Alice is planning a wedding for a newbie vampire. And the rest of them are helping the coven to become vegetarians like us.'" She smiled proudly.
"'Now, would this be the same coven that you told us killed the Volturi?'" Eleazer asked.
"'Good riddance!'" Garret grumbled.
"'Yeah, the Kerry Coven.'" Tanya mused.
Which one is getting married?? I wondered. Are they full fledged vegetarians?! I hope not, because if they are, then they're in for a shaking up when I return. No way in hell am I going to just up and change my way of life!
"'Carlisle? Carlisle?!'"
"'What? Yes? Hhmm?'" I hadn't been paying attention.
"'Oh, well I was just saying that you must be so proud of your children, how they've grown from over the years and how they use their vampirism for good.'"
"'Yes, of course.'" I said sadly.
These people must be trying to dig my grave! I hate Carlisle Cullen. I'm never going to have what he has. Do humans call that jealousy?
I don't think I'm jealous of him- I don't even want a family! But he has all these people to tell him that he is a great success and to look up to him.
I don't have that. No one looks up to me and listens to my advice, no one is home waiting to give me a kiss as I walk in the door, no children to thank me for my advice.
I don't even have a friend in this world. The vampires that destroyed the Volturi just used me. They didn't ask me to hang out with them more than it was necessary to make sure I was ready to destroy Volterra. They probably don't even care if I come back alive, and, honestly, why would they?
Why would anyone want to be with me?
Well, you know what? I don't give a damn about the world! I don't care if I have friends or not! I don't need them. All I need is me, myself, my power, and I!! The world can be damned before I give a care!
-Gabriel
February 12th, 2011
My mind is working again. I have to keep going. Last time I wrote, I buried myself in the middle of a desert and just waited. I have my back pack with me and I often touch the cool exterior of the can’s that hold Kali’s ashes. When I caress them, I practically feel the power pulsing off it. It’s a great temptation when carrying such power on your shoulder. But I know what this power has done and what it can do. I have to keep going.
I push all the sand off my body and pop out of the grave, I find myself running towards the airport and getting on a flight to Alaska. Hhmmm from hot to cold. Ha! Oh Alaska! So much in common! The plane lands and I get off. The first thing I smell is other vampires, I listen and I hear them from far away. They call themselves the Denali’s. And they are…vegetarian vampires! Eesh! Yuck!
I run in the opposite direction, I don’t want them to know I am here and I don’t want them to be after me either. Ha! That would be all I need!
But yet, While running as far away as possible from the Denali's, I also was listening as closely as possible. Wait, did I just hear the name Cullen? They know Edward and Carlisle? Hhhmmm, this might be useful! Again, I have to lie to another person! I knock on the door of a shack out in the middle of nowhere.
"' I am very sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I'm afraid your uncle is no longer with us.'" I bow my head and pull out one of the containers of ashes.
The man kind of just stares at them.
"'Uh, buddy, no matter how long you stare at that container your uncle isn't going to come back to life. Trust me,'" I pat his back, "' I had to learn that the hard way.'" I smiled and then left.
I'm thinking that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to stay with the Denali's so I get a little closer to their territory and then shift into this Carlisle Cullen. I can sense their warm welcome towards me and I know that I have about 5 more minutes until I get there.
"'Oh Carlisle!'" Says one girl as she opens the door, "'We weren't expecting you! You should have called and we would have met you at the airport. Come in! Come in!'" She pulls me into the house and kisses my cheek.
"'Tanya, you are to kind! I was perfectly fine running from the airport, no need to dote on me.'" I smiled.
"'Oh Carlisle! It's so nice to have you here again,'" She led me into the kitchen, "' Will Edward and Jasper be coming soon then?'" She and her sister Kate giggled.
I searched Carlisle's mind for the answer to this mysterious giggling. Ah, the Denali girls like Edward and-and Jasper. They always enjoy flirting with them in their bikinis when the Cullens travel this way. And Tanya was sure that she would be the one to rid Edward of his virginity and bachelor status.
"'No, I'm afraid that you're stuck with me for this visit.'"
Kate got up and linked her arm through mine, "' we're never 'stuck with you', Carlisle! We enjoy your company and your stories.'"
Tanya purred, "'But the boys are an extra treat.'"
I couldn't help myself, I chuckled at that.
Kate led me upstairs to the guest room and told me that she and her sister wanted to go hunting and to fetch the rest of the clan.
She asked if I wanted to go hunting as well but I politely excused myself and said I was well fed for now but that I would join them in the morning.
Kate nodded, smiled and then left. Soon I had the house completely empty to myself and I took this time to explore. Carlisle knew where everything was and the sentimental value it held, but Gabriel didn't. And I like experiencing things for myself. So I walked through the house and looked at the pictures and the books, they even had a piano there for when Edward visited! Were these girls still that devoted?! I mean, all the Cullens are married! I've never even heard of a vampire getting divorced. Well, most of them don't even have weddings, only a very few (and even then most of the vampires married by law go to vegas and just get it done with.)
One picture strikes my curiosity so I pick it up for further examination: It holds 6 vampires in it. 2 of them are Tanya and Kate, the one next to Kate has his arm around her so they must be mates (Oh, his name is Garret.) Then there is another couple sitting on the ground, an older dark haired man and a nice looking woman with curly brown hair (Eleazer and Carmen) the last is a girl next to Tanya. They have the same smile...OH! The three of them are sisters! Right, of course, the Denali Sisters. Then why is it that I do not smell a fourth woman's scent here?? I search Carlisle's memory and find out that the Volturri had killed her-Irina- for lying about Edward's daughter being a vampire child. Well Caius called it a desire for war to be broken out without proper grounds, but we called it murder. I-I mean the Cullen's called it murder.
I put down the picture and went back up to my room. I closed and locked the door and with the new privacy I let my facade melt off. I was Gabriel once again as I plopped onto the bed. I sighed and let my mind wander. For the first time in....what is it now? 3 months?....I'm thinking of the Volturi killer clan. I don't exactly have many good memories of them, not even fond ones! It's a shame, really. While I was helping them I was too focused on where I might find Kali. They did seem like good people when I had first met them, but I was just too blind to notice them. I still have this hatred of Alec for having killed Jane....Jane. Wow! That's a new thought too. I miss the pain she used to cause me and the power she used to make me feel! Gggrrrr! You know what? Above all, I miss not missing anything! Ah, the good old days where all I cared about was killing somebody next! Come to think of it, back in those times I rarely even thought of Catia. I was so bloodthirsty! I miss that most about myself, all this missing stuff is so boring and so....human! Yuck! Briefly thinking about Catia brings me back to thinking of Johanna. I wish that all the times I've seen her were memories and not dreams. A memory is something that has happened in real life, and I only have one memory of Johanna: the night I met and killed her. Dreams are too hurtful so I am glad that vampires cannot sleep for I have too many things to haunt me in my dreams.
I start thinking about the fact that all my troubles first began when I was captured by the Volturi when I hear the Denali clan enter downstairs. For some reason I don't think they will come check on me just yet but they do. Tanya turns the knob to enter as I think: oh crap! I didn't lock the door!
As soon as she turns the knob and pushes the door open, I make my change back into Carlisle.
"'Hello, Tanya. Did you and the others have a nice hunting trip?'"
"'We did, thanks for asking. Will you come down with us? Eleazer is so excited to see his old friend again and we are excited for news of the rest of the family.'" She smiled brightly and I jumped off the bed to follow her.
Geez, I didn't even realize that it was morning already! It seemed like all those thoughts came to me at once but it had actually been several hours.
"'Carlisle.'" Eleazer said and stuck his hand out.
"'Eleazer. Good to see you again, friend.'" I said as I shook his hand.
I felt a twinge of sadness, I get to know all of these people but they don't get to know Gabriel. Well, nobody gets to know Gabriel.
Eleazer was about to say something else but all of the sudden, he tensed up and all the Denali's tensed as well.
"'Do you smell that?'" Garret said.
"'What is it, dear friends?'" I fake asked. I had a hunch that it was my real scent that they were smelling.
"'Another vampire.'" Eleazer spat.
"'Do we know him?'" His wife, Carmen asked.
"'No-'"he started.
"And you don't want to. He's dangerous.'"
That hit like a slap in the face! Being called dangerous by vampires you don't know doesn't exactly make me feel special or any more welcomed here!
"'It is probably just a passer by, Eleazer, no need to alarm yourself yet.'"
I saw Garret's arms relax around Kate and I realized how much these people really think of Carlisle as a leader and father figure! Not just the Cullen's but others as well. It's like a vibe melting off him saying 'I'm clean! I'm a father figure! I'm okay!'
With that one suggestion from me-Carlisle- the whole room spun into a relaxed, airy meeting of friends.
"'How is Reeneesme, Carlisle?'" Carmen asked excitedly.
"'She's doing quite well, thank you. Growing up fast and giving Jasper and Jacob a run for their money at hunting.'" The group laughed.
"'I bet! That little girl is something else! A miracle her being born and an outstanding little lady in herself.'" Garret said.
"'She is, she is. It would be wonderful if all of you came and visited soon. I know Emmett, Jasper and Edward would be pleased to see you Tanya,'" I winked at her, "' and Reeneesme would be more than delighted to see more of her favorite aunts and family.'"
"'We would love to visit soon, Carlisle! Well, how long do you plan on staying? Maybe we could come back with you?'" Kate suggested.
"'Just another week more, dear, but I'm afraid it wouldn't be possible to join me on my travel back to Forks.'"
Forks?!? What kind of city is named Forks?!? I wonder if there is a city of Spoons or perhaps Knives,then?
"'Because...?'" Kate prompted.
"'Well, because-'" because I'm not Carlisle and I'm not going back to Forks, that's why!
"'Oh, Kate, because Emmett, Alice, Jasper,'" she paused and took a wistful sigh, "'Edward,'"another pause, "' and Bella,'" she grumbled out, "'aren't in Forks! Right, Carlisle?'" Tanya said.
"'Precisely.'" Whew!
"'Then where are they? Edward wouldn't just leave Nessie.'"Kate countered.
"'Just in Ireland,'" my head snapped up, "'Alice is planning a wedding for a newbie vampire. And the rest of them are helping the coven to become vegetarians like us.'" She smiled proudly.
"'Now, would this be the same coven that you told us killed the Volturi?'" Eleazer asked.
"'Good riddance!'" Garret grumbled.
"'Yeah, the Kerry Coven.'" Tanya mused.
Which one is getting married?? I wondered. Are they full fledged vegetarians?! I hope not, because if they are, then they're in for a shaking up when I return. No way in hell am I going to just up and change my way of life!
"'Carlisle? Carlisle?!'"
"'What? Yes? Hhmm?'" I hadn't been paying attention.
"'Oh, well I was just saying that you must be so proud of your children, how they've grown from over the years and how they use their vampirism for good.'"
"'Yes, of course.'" I said sadly.
These people must be trying to dig my grave! I hate Carlisle Cullen. I'm never going to have what he has. Do humans call that jealousy?
I don't think I'm jealous of him- I don't even want a family! But he has all these people to tell him that he is a great success and to look up to him.
I don't have that. No one looks up to me and listens to my advice, no one is home waiting to give me a kiss as I walk in the door, no children to thank me for my advice.
I don't even have a friend in this world. The vampires that destroyed the Volturi just used me. They didn't ask me to hang out with them more than it was necessary to make sure I was ready to destroy Volterra. They probably don't even care if I come back alive, and, honestly, why would they?
Why would anyone want to be with me?
Well, you know what? I don't give a damn about the world! I don't care if I have friends or not! I don't need them. All I need is me, myself, my power, and I!! The world can be damned before I give a care!
-Gabriel